andrew | September 6, 2005 08:41 AM

You might want to include a link to this post in the old post.

John Scalzi | September 6, 2005 08:51 AM

I did. I had to put this post up first in order to link to it.

DemWit | September 6, 2005 09:08 AM

Here's more reason why people ought to wake up and smell the stench that would not go away.

Being poor is having neighbors petitioning the city council when you move in as it will affect their property values.

Being poor now means that whatever you own, built and saved for all your working life can now be taken by eminent domain as confirmed by the Supreme Court.

So, watch out middle and upper-class workers who think that you are safe in this great society.

Nick Kiddle | September 6, 2005 09:46 AM

If Livejournal did trackbacks, this would be one. My take on the "low-class" thing.

Patrick | September 6, 2005 10:29 AM

Being poor means that any cash gifts end up paying the rent/other bills rather than the thing you said you wanted to get with the money. Which is just as well, because the stereo/camera/computer will end up at the pawnshop so that you can get gas to drive to work, and you may be able to get the stereo back. But probably not.

charity | September 6, 2005 10:39 AM

Being Smart & Poor is realizing it is a WHOLE lot easier to start over again by evacuating BEFORE the whole city gets flooded.

Being Smart & poor is getting the heck out of N.O. by any means necessary so that you don't DIE waiting on the people who supposedly don't care about you.

Being poor & ignorant is shooting at the helicopters flying overhead because you want them to RESCUE YOU !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ernestine Thompson | September 6, 2005 11:03 AM

Being poor means using cooking oil becuase you cannot afford hair grease, or have to use jello becuase you cannot afford Kool aid or using syrup becuase you cannot use sugar to sweeten certain beverages or foods that require sugar.

Anonymous | September 6, 2005 11:18 AM

Being poor means folded rags instead of sanitary napkins, and wondering whether you'll need to buy another box of tampons or whether you can wait until next time.

mk | September 6, 2005 11:45 AM

woe. i am actually crying

lou | September 6, 2005 12:03 PM

I want to respond to the person who thinks poor people have bad teeth because they lazy and don't brush. You, sir, need to learn more about teeth and dentistry.
I'm fortunately middle-class. I brush and floss daily but must go to the dentist four times a year to get my teeth cleaned because I have extra problems with buildup. Imagine if I was poor and couldn't afford the out of pocket expense for the extra two cleanings a year that my dental insurance doesn't pay for. I would have no bottom teeth right now. And I imagine a lot of poor folks with bad teeth are in that kind of situation. There are problems with teeth from grinding your teeth at night -- a sign of stress. There are problems from not getting braces, having crooked teeth that make them more difficult to brush and floss.
And even if it was lack of brushing, if a poor mom had to choose between toothpaste and a meal for her kids, which is she going to choose?
It's that kind of lack of empathy that sets my teeth on edge.

Synedrian | September 6, 2005 12:06 PM

I've been thinking about how much easier it was to grow up poor in the former USSR when absolutely everybody around was poor as well.

You wash your laundry by hand - but everybody does that, and what's a washing machine, anyway?

Three families live three or four to a room in one flat? Well, yes, that's how housing works.

New clothes are only for children whose parents don't have any friends with slightly larger children.

Jeans are something people in America wear. Cars are also something in America, or if your family has queued up for it for many years. Nobody has ever had a bank account, or knows what to do with one. And it's fine, because that's how it works.

I don't know how I would have dealt with the same conditions growing up if I'd known how different it could have been.

However, being a poor oveseas student in the UK means:

- you either eat of phone your family;
- you walk everywhere;
- you resent your college neighbour who can spend 13 pounds on groceries every week, because you can only spend 10; rich bastard;
- you don't make any friends; you can't go out drinking, or go on a skiing holiday to Salzburg;
- running up a dept on a credit card is not an option: nobody will give you credit. Once the money is out, it's out;
- when you are so sick with fever that walls wobble around you, and you hallucinate your way to the doctor's office on a 48p bus trip, you find out that a prescription of antibiotics costs 6.70, you get straight onto the bus back;
- your thesis supervisor takes you out to lunch, but you're not sure whether you're supposed to pay for it yourself, so only have soup; you spend the rest of the lunch kicking yourself;
- you think about money all the time; you can hardly keep yourself from talking about it all the time, and people start to think you're really greedy.

When you are an Englishman's formerly poor girlfriend or wife with a ex-Soviet-republic upbringing:
- on your first grocery shopping trip with your unpoor boyfriend you start hyperventilating when he's randomly throwing stuff that's not from "Safeway Savers" line into the trolley; you are scared of going shopping with him for a good few months
- "So, darling, what does the tumble-dryer do?"
- pizza is still a real treat;
- you gain 20 pounds of weight in 3 months;
because you wouldn't dream of leaving food on a plate, even if you're full;
- your husband cries when he realises that, although you don't quite understand why he's so shocked: doesn't he know how criminal it is to waste food?
- you shout at your husband for throwing out your threadbare shirt: you Auntie had sent it to you from Israel when you were 12! And don't even think of touching that sweater - Mama wore it when she was pregnant with you!
- you still feel like a criminal buying clothes new; anyway, isn't that what eBay is for? But you still really, really want them;
- your mother in law would rather you didn't say the words "back at home we used to";
- you are always afraid deep down that "it" will come back.

Thanks for listening

Kai | September 6, 2005 12:18 PM

Being poor means doing everything you can every day, failing to make progress, and then despite knowing that you're doing your best, knowing that you're not lazy, and knowing that you don't want to be a burden on others, you go to bed in tears, certain that you're not doing your best, you're lazy, and that you are a burden on others.

Being poor means thinking "well, if it comes down to it I can always comit suicide" in cold, collected sanity because you know what it means to be homeless and pushing a shopping cart.

Rayne of Terror | September 6, 2005 12:21 PM

Growing up my father's work was seasonal so it was feast or famine. Summers were time of such luxuries, beach membership, $200 for school clothes every August and winters were times when we ate oatmeal for dinner multiple times a week. My mom acted all perky like Hey! Isn't it cool? We're having breakfast, for dinner!

I remember huddling around the water boiling for coffee in the morning because we couldn't turn the heat up. But I see now at least we had heat.

We had many Christmas mornings with a dozen oranges and no presents. Dad saying maybe we'd have Christmas at Easter, but we wouldn't.

My dad worked construction and the walls in the upstairs of our house were bare insulation. I asked for walls for my 13th birthday.

It seemed like the end of the world when my parents found out in January that the baby they were expecting in March was twins.

While I never knew the embarassment of getting free or reduced lunch, I do remember the embarassment of having to climb out the window of the car because the doors were rusted shut. It was a 1976 Pinto they were still driving in 1990. Seemed like my dad could repair anything.

In high school my twin and I had to answer the phone and say our parents were not there because it was always bill collectors.

But my parents always pushed education for us and when it was time for college my alma mater said, if you send both twins here they will both get free rides, if only one comes there will not be a free ride. So off we went to Millikin Univ. That's where I met my husband who grew up in a family where his folks begrudged teachers a pay raise because they were already rich.

Now that my husband and I have a v nice life together I sometimes get embarassed of the plenty when my parents or his parents visit. I hope our son doesn't have to want for anything, but I hope we can somehow make him appreciate what he has.

I think I was v lucky to grow up in a medium sized town with decent schools and helpful relatives. It seem like the urban and rural poor have it much worse.

Tony | September 6, 2005 12:27 PM

"Wake-up Call"

Being poor is leaving things to chance.

Being poor is placing "blame" on others rather taking full responsibility for everything.

Being poor is not knowing there's a way out.

Being poor is not knowing there are tools and ways of thinking to become and BE rich (not your fault; they don't teach this stuff in school)

Being poor is dwelling on the perceived "poorness" and lack in your life.

Being rich is dwelling on the wealth you already have and the wealth that surrounds you.

Being rich is KNOWING what you really want and WRITING your goals down. http://www.relfe.com/goal_setting.html

Being rich is cultivating the feelings of being rich - and so shall you attract circumstances that help get you there.

Being rich is cultivating gratitude.

Being rich is seeing temporary setbacks as blessings. ("What valuable lesson am I learning from this situation?")

Being rich is loving yourself unconditionally.

Being rich is understanding that our thoughts create our reality.

Hence, being "poor to rich" is just a thought away - it's a start.

Disclosure: This is coming from a "poor to rich" computer programmer guy. I realize so many thing are easier said than done but at least absorb some of what I wrote.

Some resources to get a head start:

• Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting


• Ask And It Is Given


• It Works


• Miracles


• Maximum Achievement


• Pronoia


• The Power of Appreciation

Cactus Wren | September 6, 2005 12:45 PM

Okay, there's another. Being poor is having perfect strangers sit back in their comfortable lives and snidely tell you that it's your fault you're poor, because you're not THINKING the right way (== the way they think).

Being poor is wishing you were so lucky as to only wonder where your next meal is coming from. Being poor is wondering where your kids' next meal is coming from -- and having a perfect stranger sit back in his comfortable life and tell you you should "dwell on the wealth you already have".

Being poor is using a discarded computer that can barely handle Win95, or posting from the public library, and being told "You're not poor -- you have a computer." Being poor is adjusting the rabbit ears to pick up a grainy picture on your thirty-year-old Motorola TV and being told "You're not poor -- you have a television."

Being poor is being unable to do things the economical way. "Don't get those small packages, buy in bulk!" Great idea, if you can afford the big packages. "Shop at Costco" -- yes, and pay dearly for the privilege. "Why are you using a rent-to-own refrigerator? By the time it's paid for it will cost you five thousand dollars!" Because the rent payments are all I can afford to pay.

Being poor is being afraid. All the time.

Diogenes | September 6, 2005 01:02 PM

Being poor is having a prospective landlady express shock and awe when you tell her you're on welfare.

Being poor is when your landlord tells you he'll throw you out if he finds out you're on welfare, and then finds out and keeps on renting to you anyway because where's he going to find another tenant for his substandard building?

Being poor means renting a tiny apartment from a kindly old lady who needs the money because she only gets Social Security.

(from an article in the Whole Earth Review):
Being poor means living in your car beside the river, reading an article in the paper about a famine in Africa and wishing you could do something about it.

Diogenes | September 6, 2005 01:15 PM

>>Being poor is dwelling on the perceived "poorness" and lack in your life.

Comedian, activist and dietitian Dick Gregory remarked that his parents' answer when he asked if his family was poor was "We're not poor. We're just broke".

Oh yeah, being broke means having some schmuck tell you that it's your attitude that's keeping you that way, and then try to sell you a bunch of worthless, overpriced books, videos, tapes, CD's, etc. about success!

tiffany | September 6, 2005 01:17 PM

i'd also add that there is a wealth component that differentiates "poor" from being "broke." the safety net of better-off family is what saves many people -- indeed, it's what some commenteres said saved you.

some people -- like those in new orleans, and across the south -- don't. even. have. that. they're poor. their mama is poor. father? if he's alive, healthy, and involved, he's still poor. uncles and aunts are poor. brothers and sisters? they're poor too. there is no grandma who can "stuff you full of food" because she doesn't have anything either.

that's what this essay is about. that's what POOR *truly* is. that's why those people did not leave. they could not.

random_name | September 6, 2005 01:26 PM

I didn't grow up poor. I grew up comfortably middle-class. But my parents, both of them, grew up poor. I understand them and some of the things they do now because of this post.

They clear absolutely all the food off their plates;

they reuse tea bags three or four times;

they buy the absolute cheapest possible type of whatever they need or want (vacuum cleaner, teleivsion) even though they'll only have to replace it in a year or two;

they wear their clothes for years, sometimes decades;

they take vacations in the same town they live in - they go to a hotel and eat dinner downtown;

it took my mom 11 years to achieve a B.A., and my father never went to university;

they've gifted me with an extreme reluctance to buy things on credit (which is a very VERY good thing, I know how to save and budget).

They're in the 60s, both of them, and haven't been poor since their 20s, when they left home and started working. They still do these things even though they're largely unnecessary.

Anonymous | September 6, 2005 01:52 PM

Being poor in intelligence is repeating nonsense about folks shooting at helicopters even after the the Federal Aviation Administration explained in no-uncertain terms that there is no evidence of any aircraft, civilian or military, having been fired upon.

Anonymous | September 6, 2005 02:01 PM

Being poor is breaking your arm, but being hysterically terrified that you might have broken your glasses as well, because your parents will /kill/ you and you can't get another pair.

Being poor is hoping that the pain in your jaw isn't your wisdom teeth.

Being poor is not having the $0.25 for a cup of water at McDonalds. And being outraged that they CHARGE for it.

Being poor is not having a bed.

Being poor is watching people walk by with ice cream cones and fish and chips and cotton candy and hot dogs, while your stomach is so empty and your blood sugar so low that you actually begin to entertain thoughts of mugging someone for their ice cream.

Being poor is wearing tennis shoes held together with tape- and two pairs of socks, because it's -40 F.

Being poor is wearing bread bags rubber banded over your shoes instead of boots when it's wet or snowing.

Greg | September 6, 2005 02:13 PM

John, thank you for this.

Being poor is not having the money to help your best friend out of a jam.

Having been poor is being able to empathize with every one of these, and counting your blessings for those you won't have to face today.

Mike Cane | September 6, 2005 02:20 PM

Being poor is growing up thinking, "They couldn't print it if it wasn't true."

Having been poor is telling some schmuck who pulls "success thinking" out of his ass to go read the biography of the *father* of such thinking -- Napoleon Hill -- to see how much it actually helped Hill himself!

Anonymous | September 6, 2005 02:42 PM

When you are not poor, the task of helping the poor seems overwhelming. For some, it is not a lack of desire that prevents helping, but a lack of knowing where to begin. I give money to charities, but there's always the feeling in the back of my mind that the money is helping only the very most desperate, which is good, but when I am walking down the street or riding the bus, I see people that I know must be poor, but I just don't know - which person needs a monthly fast pass for the bus? Which family could I save from despair with $50? Who could I help find a job?

It seems like charities do provide help, but for the working poor - how do you find and help them? I am not wealthy, but I am comfortable enough to be able to contribute small bits here and there and would like to give directly to a family or person that needs it and when they need it - people who might be turned away by or not helped quickly enough by a charity. helping in small ways in a timely fashion could help prevent the spiraling into need for larger assistance. i could afford $100/mo. for a co-pay, bus pass, a utility bill or groceries. i just don't know how to hook up with the people that need it and would accept it.

Tony | September 6, 2005 03:11 PM

would like to give directly to a family or person that needs it and when they need it - people who might be turned away by or not helped quickly enough by a charity.


Hi Anonymous, This might be something you're looking for:
http://modestneeds.org/

Robin Munn | September 6, 2005 03:27 PM

Tiffany's point (from her comment at 01:17 PM, above) is well-taken. When I was unemployed for eight months in 2002, I did many of the cost-saving things listed in Scalzi's article. But I was never really poor: I owned my car outright, and although finances were tight a month or two, I never thought I was actually in danger of missing the rent payment. And I had resources to fall back on: if necessary, I could have called relatives and said, "Can I move in with you until I can find work?"

Having a back-up plan is what separates merely being uncomfortable from truly being poor.

There's another distinction, too: there are those who are poor because of circumstances (getting laid off, sudden medical bills), but who have the self-discipline to eventually work themselves out of poverty. It make take them years, but they're probably going to make it at some point. Then there are those who will never escape poverty, because they don't even know how. Many of them grew up in broken homes and never learned skills like budgeting, or the self-discipline not to waste money on expensive luxuries such as alcohol. This article recounts one woman's experience in working with lots of poor people of the latter type.

Scalzi's article, and most of the comments I've seen, are focused on the what of being poor -- what it feels like, what the consequences of poverty are. I think, though, that there's lots of room for a discussion of the why of poverty. Because the people who are essentially self-reliant and capable, yet stuck in poverty due to circumstances beyond their control, usually need one type of assistance: a little extra cash, getting a break on bank fees, managers willing to arrange job schedules around the public-transportation schedule, that sort of thing. Most of the comments I've read seemed like they came from people in this boat. Yet, as Ms. Phelps' article (the one I linked to) shows, people in the second category -- who have self-destructive habits that will forever keep them trapped in poverty unless they change radically -- need a lot more help, and of a different nature. Those in the first (self-reliant) category would rightly feel patronized by the kind of help category-two folks need, yet the latter won't ever break out of poverty without someone else laying down the discipline that they're incapable of creating for themselves.

Why am I posting this? Because anyone who reads Scalzi's article, or the comments, and doesn't feel compassion for the poor has no heart. Most people, on reading this, would want to help somehow. Yet the very same kinds of help that would be of most benefit to the self-reliant poor (a little extra cash, or discounts on necessities of life) would simply harm the dependent poor. The problem is complex, and it's important to use one's brain as well as one's heart if one wants to do good and not harm with one's assistance.

Iammycatsmom | September 6, 2005 03:36 PM

Anonymous:

I can definitely see your point. A lot of times, for a poor person or family, it's "for want of a nail" that their lives descend into chaos. Not having bus fare means missing a job interview, not having money for antibiotics means hospitalization down the line. It would be nice to have some means whereby a small need can be fulfilled before it spirals into a bigger need.

However - there is really only so much private individuals or (gah) "a thousand points of light" can do. Call me a pinko Commie Socialist if you will but I believe this is where government must step in and lend a hand. I believe the most crying need right now, as a whole, is universal health and dental care for everyone. Forget a chicken in every pot, let's have a full set of teeth in every mouth. When I remember being poor, when I look around at the poor people I know, when I read the accounts on this blog - what strikes me is how far a universal health-care safety net would go in alleviating poverty and misery. Most bankruptcies are caused by medical bills, or medical bills added to being sick and not being able to earn a salary.

Universal health care, not tied into a particular job or welfare, would also enable more people with disabilities to go to work. Contrary to the self-righteous yammerings of some rightwing pundits, almost everyone wants to work. People on welfare want to work, disabled people want to work. Yet if taking a job means losing your Medicaid and not getting the meds you need to keep your mind intact or your heart pumping or what have you, then that's a big reason to not take that job.

Charity is a wonderful thing, and it's definitely what Jesus told us to do - Jesus was big on feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick and visiting those in prison. But a society like ours needs a government safety net. California has introduced a bill for single-payer health-care, and I really hope it passes.

Laura | September 6, 2005 03:39 PM

Being poor is feeling relieved when there are no other people at the roadside honor-system vegetable stand. This means you don't have to feel embarrassed to leave the jar of peanut butter that you got from the county food bank as payment for a few ears of corn or a couple of ripe tomatoes, because nobody in your house eats peanut butter, anyway, and fresh vegetables are a luxury.

This is from personal experience when I helped a farmer friend stock a roadside stand. About twice a month, someone would leave a big jar of Skippy peanut butter by the payment box with a note attached that said "3 tomatoes" or "6 corn." Skippy is the brand that our county food bank gave out in food baskets.

Karl | September 6, 2005 03:59 PM

One of the most powerful things I have read in a long, long time. Thank you.


I can relate. I grew with a single disabled mom - we lived from social security check to social secuity check.


Katrina has forced me.. out. I never - ever - talked about my childhood before publically. Not because I was ashamed - but because I didn't want special treatment, or pity. Today I am a blessed man to say the least.


Anyway, I wrote a piece about my experience here: http://www.paradox1x.org/weblog/kmartino/archives/004282.shtml


Here goes a few more items (some taken from personal experience):


Being poor is pausing to answer when someone asks, "what do you parents do for a living?"


Being poor is pausing to answer when someone asks, "where is your father?"


Being poor is waiting on Christmas morning for the Salvation Army Santa Claus to visit.


Being poor is believing that a happy, healthy family is a TV fantasy.


Being poor is thinking "I'm going to die before I'm 30 anyway".


Being poor is finally getting a decent job, and it turns out it is in the burbs, which requires you to get a car, that you can't pay for.


Being poor is finally getting a credit card, and it's at 21% interest.


Being poor is finally getting a decent job, which requires dropping state insurance, which means your children will go uninsured.


Being poor means working a job 40 hours for 10 weeks and 36 hours for 2 - so that the employer can dodge paying full time benefits.


Being poor is having your nose broken, not having health insurance, and living with the cosmetic change the rest of your life.

jona | September 6, 2005 04:05 PM

someone made a comment about juice boxes..I remember having some frozen juice concentrate for supper once, I still don't drink that stuff to this day...blessed are the poor for they WILL inherit the earth...

Jeff Zugale | September 6, 2005 04:11 PM

Being poor means, at age 12, spending the $120 you made raking blueberries for a month all on school clothes from the Sears catalog, and feeling good about it until you go to school and all the kids with Levi's and Converse make fun because you're wearing Toughskins and cheap nylon sneakers... and then realizing you'll have to do the same again next year.

Growing up poor means having a really hard time just being able to talk to your mom because you're so angry at her for making a bunch of stupid choices which took her and you down the hole into poverty; which alienated you from the rest of your family because of distance and their resentment at mom for leaving your dad and "taking you away from them;" which removed any sort of effective father-figure from your life and brought in an alcoholic, physically and mentally abusive man, whose beatings on you she did nothing about; which screwed up your self-attitude and priorities to where you made poor choices about how to go about life, abandoning paths with great potential because you didn't believe you could follow them; the fallout of all of this means your relationships with other people, most especially women, are pretty much dysfunctional even now and you're having trouble fixing yourelf; but you know that even though she screwed up she did try to do her best in other ways to make life reasonable with decent food and decent Xmas presents and whatever help she could come up with; and you understand that she made her poor choices because she was badly abused as a child and is kinda broken; and you love her but you're still so angry 30 years later that you really just can't talk to her very well about anything, even though you're doing well financially and finally in a career you want and everything's pretty good (except your love life).

I managed to climb out of the pit, money- and career-wise, sometimes I don't know how... but I've got a long way to go. The emotional damage is the worst part and the longest lasting, which if you've paid attention over these threads has been a constant theme.

The worst is when you know you're doing really well, but you still find it impossible to be happy about it.

Besides, who wants to be "rich" and "successful" when that means you'd be just like the arrogant pricks you always hated (for their disdain) and envied (for their good fortune) growing up?

I'm really lucky I'm white, male, and have a knack with computers and art, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to dig out. *whew*

Janet | September 6, 2005 04:34 PM

Iammycatsmom, I couldn't agree with you more.

At one point in time, my husband had a job that paid $22 an hour, at a printing company. We had a nice, tidy little house and two cars. He used his to drive to work. I used mine to drive the kids to their soccer practice or library, to my volunteer hours at our local pet shelter and to buy groceries. We were't super rich, but (we thought) we were just fine. Then my husband started getting these blinding headaches with seemingly no cause. His doctor sent him to a specialist who found a growth in his brain that had to be removed. He took a leave of absence (meaning no income, just the promise of a job when he'd recovered) from work and had the operation.

While I hate complaining because to this day I still give thanks that I didn't lose my husband to a tumor, I also still cannot believe how much damage this tumor did to us beyond the physical toll on his body and the emotional toll on our family. Thanks to the lack of universal health care, we had a crummy HMO that we paid for ourselves for a little over $220 a month that only paid 80% of the operation and flat out refused to pay for some of the x-rays and meds.

We were literally swallowed by our medical bills. They were pouring in. My husband was still recovering so I got a job but it only paid less than half what he had been making.

After a few months of struggling, we gave our cars up for "voluntary repossession." If you've never heard of that one, it means I drove our cars to the dealer to avoid having the humiliation of having them towed from our driveway. On our credit, though, it's still just "repossession." I started riding the bus to work and the grocery store. We never took the kids anywhere because we couldn't afford to.

And things just got worse. We couldn't pay all the bills so they went to collections agencies who are staffed by some of the most inhumane people on the planet, as far as I can tell. They often left me in tears with their threats of lawsuits and the like.

We sold our house and used the $6500 we made off it to pay for a year's rent in a small apartment, hoping having the burden of housing off us would enable us to start paying the collectors.

My husband was finally ready to go back to work, only his job was gone. His whole company was gone thanks to a semi-hostile buy-out and the new owners were not obligated nor did they want to give him his job back.

He took another much less paying job out of dire need and then added a second one. So did I. We worked 4 jobs between us for several years.

Now we are back on our feet, though much, much more cautious and wary. Our new home we were only able to buy because a distant relative sold it to us "owner finance" and she's letting us pay way less than most people in a house like this would pay. (Our credit is still totally shot thanks to how late we paid so many of our bills and our car repossessions.)

We drive a 12-year-old mini van with 195K miles on it and no AC that we paid cash for, and it's our only vehicle. I do not use credit for anything and would be turned down even if I wanted to. I pay an extraordinary amount for "good" health care coverage and wonder how good it would really be if another disaster struck.

The really sad thing about all this is it's not the worst story in my family regarding what our rotten health care system does to people in this country. My father died because of no insurance - the ER doctor refused to consult a cardiologist because he was uninsured. You hear so much about how the hospitals have to take you even if you don't have insurance, but what they don't tell you is they are only obligated to the point that the ER doctor sees you and makes a decision.

You can call me a commie-socialist or whatever, too, but I think it's a crime that a country with the resources we have doesn't even provide basic medical care to millions of its citizens.

Justin | September 6, 2005 04:37 PM

Amazing, amazing post. It brought tears to my eyes remember my days with a lot less than I have now...
I grew up in Ireland, and I miss its state unemployment system. If I'd been in the same situation under a US-style system, things could have been much, much worse.

DemWit | September 6, 2005 05:15 PM

The theme of being poor has hit a very sensitive nerve that is why there is an outpouring of contribution to this blog. It is hard to be detached and objective when the experiences being written here actually happened to real people.

To the guy who thinks that you can just wish away your troubles - I say, good luck and hope you can do the same to all the pain and suffering when you have cancer or other life-threatening conditions.

It was a taboo in this society to discuss money before but not anymore. You can no longer make fun of minorities, women or disabled people because it is politically incorrect (not because it is morally reprehensible). Yet, sitcoms and other programs turn personal tragedies into a cryfest, comedy or feel-good stories.

Remember, what we do for ourselves die with us. What we do for others remain forever.

T | September 6, 2005 05:51 PM

"To the guy who thinks that you can just wish away your troubles - I say, good luck and hope you can do the same to all the pain and suffering when you have cancer or other life-threatening conditions."

You are right, you just can't "wish" things away. But it's about changing your attitude at the way you look at things to realize there's hope. From that place of hope, you can be inspired to take appropriate actions that get you closer to your goals, whatever they may be but you have to know what those goals are and write them down. This is much better than the alternative of feeling lousy and resigning and accepting everything as if you have ZERO control. Sure, you can't control everything but you can control your thoughts.

I know it's all woo-woo and airy-fairy but you'll find agreement in people who carry "rich" mindsets and attitudes. In all, the main ingredient is 'inspired action' coming from your clear goals. Very few know EXACTLY what they want, and it really starts from there. I'm speaking from my experience and experiences of "rich" people I've met in my life.

I used to be poor and struggling. I've even stayed at a shelter. And I'm no special flower.

April | September 6, 2005 05:51 PM

Being poor is using the bathroom at school because you haven't had money for toilet paper in weeks, and when you have to go at home using an old towel you wash out in the sink because there still isn't money for any.

Being poor means relishing the oil that comes to the top of government peanut butter.

Being poor means you've looked forward to generic government "pork" in a can.

Being poor means saying you're 18 when you're 14 so you can work two jobs and go to high school.

Being poor means even though you're valedictorian of your class thinking about quitting school so you can help make ends meet.

Being poor means quitting extra curricular activities that may send you to college because you have to work instead.

Being poor means being 12 and never telling your mother that her boyfriend is inappopriately touching you because you know he's paying the rent.

Being poor is stealing clothes from garage sales because you don't have the 10 cents for the extra shirt.

Being poor is washing out tin foil and plastic baggies because you can't afford more.

Being poor is wondering what it's like to have a stove in your kitchen instead of a hot plate.

It's hard. It's so hard to look back at this and realize this was my life. Someone took pity on me, and I was lucky. I now live comfortably middle class, and now find myself hoarding enormous amounts of food because I'm afraid of being hungry again.

Gil | September 6, 2005 05:54 PM

I've never been dirt poor, but I HAVE been a military wife. ANYONE married to an E knows that until you hit Senior Enlisted status, you pray that the food will hold out until payday, and that you can pay all the bills. It's the trutht hat quite a few junior enlsited with kids end on food stamps--for a reason.

The nasty truth is that while the military provides free healthcare and gives you a hosuing allowance--that HA NEVER covers anywhere near the actual cost of decent housing in the area. The stated goal is to pay 85% at msot. ANd that does NOT include utilities which ARE included in base housing (other than phone). This can add hundreds of dollars to the cost of housing in places like ME or FL.

As a NAvy wife, I KNOW what it is to stretch a dollar, to get VERY good with pasta dishes. I also know it's like to dread the phone ringing if you don't have caller ID--because it could be someone calling about a late payment. When he deploys, it's hoping you can scrape up the money for huge phone bills so you can talk to him once a week. It's praying the car hold together and the tires don't blow becasue you can't afford it until next payday. It's regarding a trip to McDOnald's a s treat.

This is how those of us who are working poor live. The worst part, fo rme, was hving TWO master's degrees but being unabl;e to get a jhpb which wouild have made life much esier--becsue companies d on't hire Navy wives for good jobs, and if youa re educated, you can't get hired for minimum wage jopbs because "you're over-qualified and will quit when soemthignbetter coems along."

My hsuband retired in April 2003. It took him 6months to get a job. The nursing hoem he wotrked at got sold, and he, along iwth everyone else, ws fired. We are living on hsi pension and his unemployemnt which puts us abvoe the poverty line, but below anything cpproachign a decent standard of living. We're back to being close to poor. And it sucks.

Personally I think every alst pol, social worker, bureaucrat and Republican pundit needs to live on minimum wage for a YEAR befoe allwoed to run for office, or get a job. Might be an eye-opening expeirnce fo rthem.

T | September 6, 2005 06:08 PM

"Being poor is having perfect strangers sit back in their comfortable lives and snidely tell you that it's your fault you're poor, because you're not THINKING the right way (== the way they think)."

"Oh yeah, being broke means having some schmuck tell you that it's your attitude that's keeping you that way, and then try to sell you a bunch of worthless, overpriced books, videos, tapes, CD's, etc. about success!"

This is the coolest thing and won't cost you a cent: http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=296&i=814

Excerpt: "To some people this sounds like a bunch of magical nonsense. Well, it is already working for you now. What you think about now is what is coming into your life. You are depressed and thinking everything is lousy, and that is what you are getting! Why not try making a change on the inside, instead of yet another outside change which in the past has proved to be wasted effort, because you always end up in the same situation. If you try it, it will work. What you dwell on is what you see. Change your mind and change what you see."

The nice thing about all this is that you don't have to do it alone. By aligning your thoughts in a positive direction, you'll literally attract positive people and circumstances that'll bewilder and surprise you. Again, this may seem far out but you need todo something different to get different results, otherwise you'll get what you've always gotten.

Bob | September 6, 2005 06:26 PM

I'm a lawyer but grew up in circumstances that although not dire were not exactly middle class either. I rarely think about my childhood or those less fortunate but a minute into reading this I had to close my office door so no one would see me sobbing. Thank you for giving me back my humanity and forcing me to reevaluate my life and start doing something worthwhile with it.

Anonymous | September 6, 2005 07:24 PM

Being poor is being chronically ill but not being able to go to the doctor desite finally having health insurance because there's no way you could pay the deductible.

That said, I totally disagree with the above posters who think that universal healthcare is the solution. I am moderately involved with several online communities of people with chronic illnesses, either the same as my own or similar things. There are a number of active posters who live in either the UK or Canada, and after hearing about their experiences, no way do I want to end up with something similar.

Aside from the huge tax increases that would be necessary, aside from the huge delays that it takes to get anything done for "minor" things, with universal healthcare, you tend to get stuck with one doctor. If I had the money, I could go to any doctor I wanted here. If I had a doctor tell me I was full of crap and there was nothing wrong with me, I could tell him or her, "Screw you," and go to someone that will do something for me. If I were elsewhere and got a disbelieving doctor, I'd probably be stuck.

saturn | September 6, 2005 07:37 PM

Being poor is not inviting your poor friends over because you don't want them to know you have an outhouse.

Being poor is having your neighbor with a phone walk up the road to let your parents know that your older brother got back safely to his home in another state.

Being poor is seeing the financial aid figures from M.I.T. and having the grants be more than your family's income.

Being poor is your parents not being able to blackmail you by witholding tuition money because the expected family contribution is 300 bucks a year.

Being poor is taking your bra off as soon as you get home from work so it'll last longer, because it's more expensive than your shirt.

Being poor is taking the set of dishes from the box in front of the Salvation Army at night while no one is looking.

Being poor is your feet hurting because you can't afford shoes with arch support.

Being poor is cleaning other people's bathrooms all day, and letting your own go because you can't stand to scrub another toilet.

Being poor is cutting the green part off the bar of cheese and eating the middle.

Being formerly poor is grinning like an idiot because you got a raise to 8 bucks an hour.

Being formerly poor is feeling extravagant for buying a 4-dollar mocha once a week.

Being formerly poor is not filling out the Earned Income Credit worksheet on your taxes because you know you no longer qualify.

Being formerly poor is still taking your bra off as soon as you get home from work, because it still costs more than your shirt.

Mike Cane | September 6, 2005 07:55 PM

Trying my best to Be Good, because Scalzi has his nimble eye on me...

>>>This is the coolest thing and won't cost you a cent: http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=296&i=814

*long exhausting sigh*

The best I can say about this is to quote Krishnamurti who contemptuously dismissed someone with, "You only know what you have been told!"

Everything in that link is nothing but Napoleon Hill in a different arrangement of words.

Being poor is having to witness the idiocy and blithe ignorance of other people as they tell you they "know" how your problems can be solved. And knowing that what they're saying is nothing that they personally *know*.

Jacob Davies | September 6, 2005 08:05 PM

Being poor means waiting in line every day at the school secretary's office for your lunch token.

Being poor means knowing every combination of lunches you can get for the 70p that token is worth.

Being poor means the lunch ladies will refuse to give you three bowls of jelly because it's not "healthy", and you're paying with a token, even when the next kid paying cash can get anything he wants.

Being poor means your mother applying for scholarships at the private school for you without telling you because she knows it's a route out of being poor.

Being poor means being the only kid in class to raise their hand when the teacher rhetorically asks how many people there live in council housing.

Being poor means you have calculated how much you earn with every hour, minute, second you work.

Being poor means not asking for more money per hour because you might not get called back for more work.

Being poor means knowing that your employer is taking your national insurance contributions from your wages and not giving them to the government, but not making a fuss about it.

Being poor means dropping a pound coin into the cup of the homeless kids living in a doorway, on the way home from work, when you only got 20 pounds for the day's work, because they need it more than you.

Being poor is taking an advance from the cashbox every day for lunch because you don't have enough money just lying around.

Being poor means knowing exactly how many hours, minutes, seconds it will take to buy any kind of luxury.

Being poor is knowing exactly what percentage of the take for the day at your job is represented by your wages.

Being poor means you never make a mistake with the change you give, you check every note for counterfeits, and you have to argue with scam-artists who claim they gave you a twenty when they gave you a ten, because any discrepancy or forged notes comes right out of your wages.

Being poor means you've never seen disposable paper towels in your house, you heat the kitchen by turning on the stove burners, having a broken window in your bedroom for years on end, knowing that Lego is the best toy because it can be rebuilt an infinite number of times.

Being poor means the prostitutes work the corner of your street.

Being poor means when you're burgled, there's no insurance to cover anything.

Being poor is having a black and white TV in 1985.

Being poor means the police kicking down your junkie/dealer neighbour's door is not an event worth more than a passing comment.

Being poor means knowing real criminals. Sometimes, they come over for dinner.

Being poor means knowing people when you were children who are dead by the time you're 21.

Being poor means you know what bubble & squeak tastes like. (It's pretty good.)

Someone else already mentioned luck. Being poor is knowing how lucky you are to be poor in a rich country and not poor in a poor country.

Being poor means knowing that the headlines in the right-wing newspapers are talking about you & your family & your friends as a "problem" or a "threat".

Laurie Mann | September 6, 2005 08:11 PM

We were kind of poor for about two years, after we were first married. Jim was a Catholic School teacher and I was a college student and/or worked part time. Having no spare money (but, luckily, having insurance) meant I took a bus to the hospital to have surgery. I was planning to take a bus home, but a relative handed me five bucks so I could take a cab.

Jim's family was genuinely poor and on welfare. Jim still remembers what that's like. He's always been pretty sensitive about the need for a government safety net. One of his brothers (the wealthiest one, natch) is something of a "born again Republican," who bitterly resents any of his money going to taxes. Never mind that other people's tax money kept his family together when their father deserted them.

Laurie Mann
Government by Gumby
http://www.dpsinfo.com/blog/2005/09/government-by-gumby.html

Mike Cane | September 6, 2005 08:26 PM

Being poorer is being too well-behaved to be considered poor, and therefore being held in contempt by those who are supposed to help.

>>>Being poor is having a black and white TV in 1985.

Being poor is having a black and white TV for most of your life -- and when you finally get a color TV (not new), being suprised that the majority of people on TV do not have brown eyes like you do. And also noticing that in *every* newscast where the "general public" is spoken to or shown, they make sure to show a blue-eyed, blonde woman.

Anonymous | September 6, 2005 08:46 PM

Being poor is your mother turning on the gas range every day when she gets home from work to make sure the gas hasn't been turned off.

Being poor is having your father beg the electric company to turn the lights back on, because it's your birthday.

Being poor is doing your homework by candlelight, or at the library until it closes.

Being poor is knowing that the IRS and bank letters that come every day aren't normal.

Being poor is telling bill collectors on the phone that there's no one by that name here.

Being poor is having your car catch on fire while you're driving it because it's so old and broken-down.

Being poor is telling the bank for the fifth time that you've never bounced a check before so they'll take off the $32 charge.

Being poor is being afraid to lose a pound because you won't be able to afford new clothes.

I could go on, but I might start crying. Thank you, thank you for this, and everyone for their comments. I feel less alone right now.

melissa | September 6, 2005 08:47 PM

Being Poor is buying a gallon of milk and mixking half of it with water to make it last longer.

Being poor is wearing your brothers hand me down underwear,even though you are a girl.

Being poor is sleeping over at a friends house often, just so you can eat.

Carl Evans | September 6, 2005 09:46 PM

Being Poor...for me

Being poor is growing up in a house with 15 aunts and uncles with only 3 bedrooms.

Being poor is meeting your dad for the first time when your already a man.

Being poor is being raised by your mother who you see only one day a week, her day off - then she's too tired...

Being poor is watching your mother work hard to send you to a private school when she found out your in 6th grade with a 3rd grade reading score.

Being poor is finally getting a good job and you earn more money than your mother even after 25 years on her job.

Today, I'm not poor, but I still remember what a butter and sugar bread sandwich for dinner taste like.... Yes, I cried for the people of NO.

Michelle | September 6, 2005 10:57 PM

Being poor is affording to send your kid to a ghetto Catholic grade school by buying her one uniform skirt that she will wear every school day for two years straight, and thick cotton tights that she'll wear for just as long, although she's still growing, and eventually the crotch of the tights will only pull up to mid-thigh. She'll play on the monkey bars at recess. The other kids will see her underwear and laugh.

Being poor is one tub full of bathwater for three kids.

Being poor is the nuns showing up at your doorstep on Christmas morning with gifts: a little cardboard box of LifeSavers that you can still taste twenty years later.

Being poor is the cops getting sick of getting called to your house by the neighbors. Again.

Being poor is showing up to a brand new high school on your first day as a freshman (because your family moved again). You don't know anyone there, but a girl in your class knows the shirt you're wearing, because her mom donated it to Goodwill a while back.

Being poor is shooting your old, sick dog instead of allowing the vet to end its life in a peaceful, non-violent way.

Being poor is one member of the family always sleeping on the couch.

Being poor is the entire family sleeping on the floor in a pile when the heating oil runs out.

Being poor is finding bags of groceries on your porch with no note attached.

Being poor is ending up the first person in your family to go to college, and showing up at the dorm on the first day with no towels and no sheets because you don't own any, and you don't know anyone with the experience to tell you that, no, a dorm isn't really like a hotel, you need to bring your own.

Being poor is not having the money to continue college past the first quarter.

Being poor is seventeen years old and moving in with a boyfriend; he's nice if not that smart and you won't cost your family any more money that way.

Being poor is selling your plasma to buy white rice in bulk. Sometimes potatoes. Velveeta when feeling extravagant.

Being poor--but lucking into a job where most people aren't--is working late so that you can swipe a couple of quarters from the change cup your co-workers keep next to the Coke machine.

Being poor is two stolen quarters being real money to you.

Being poor is unable to scrape together first/last/security deposit to move out of the shitty apartment where some thuggy kid stabbed another thuggy kid next door last night. You live there, a young woman alone, and hope for the best.

Being poor is smoking butts from other people's cigarettes.

Being poor is stealing diner-style sugar packets anytime you're in a position to put your hands on some, so you can take them back home to have sugar with your coffee.

John: Thank you. Really, thank you.

Jaime | September 6, 2005 11:03 PM

Being poor is begging for food for your five children, hoping for help, dreaming of a better life and living on a prayer.

CheshireCat | September 6, 2005 11:43 PM

Hey Tony, I absolutely second the recommendation for Modest Needs as an excellent charity devoted to keeping people from "falling through the cracks."

They ALSO have a free "Fiscal Fitness" program...not sure how good it is if you just plain don't have money at all, but it is good if you're taking in just enough to keep your head above water, so to speak.

darren | September 6, 2005 11:47 PM

Great post John. I've been on patrol and just got in to see everything that is going on.

My own contibution is: being poor was seeing that the military was my only option for an education.

abi | September 7, 2005 02:15 AM

To the Anonymous who talked about medical care:

I've lived in the US, and I've lived in the UK, and I much prefer the medical system in the UK. Infinitely. I had two babies on the NHS, with a C-section for the first of them, and spent a total of 7 nights in hospital between the two. I had to have a blood transfusion because I was badly anaemic after the second baby.

Total direct cost to me, from the antenatal care I received all the way through the home visits for the fortnight after each birth: nada. Total cost to the single mothers in the public housing down the road, for the same quality of care: nothing again. Result: healthier babies.

And you can wangle through the NHS, if you get a doctor that doesn't believe you. I never liked the consultant assigned to me for my first baby, so I asked to see another one. Going to a group GP practice, like I do, means I can see one of seven doctors - or I can see my "particular" doctor if I wish. Their practice also specifically asks if I want to see a "lady" doctor in case it's an issue I would prefer not to discuss with a man.

It's not perfect by any means - more severe illnesses are sometimes untreated for too long. Months' wait for a hip replacement. Waiting for the cancer checks until it's metastisised, in some underfunded areas. Drugs that may not be funded. But everyone gets medical care, free at the point of use.

> If I had the money, I could go to any doctor I wanted here.

And if you didn't, you couldn't go to any doctor at all. And that's what bites.

plucky punk | September 7, 2005 02:29 AM

Yeesh...reading this post and these comments have practically given me an anxiety attack. I didn't grow up desperately poor (we always had enough to eat) but I was always the kid with the unfashionable Wal-Mart clothes and no lunch money. We also fell in that space between desperately poor and too well to do for any sort of assistance.

However, nothing can prepare you for what happens when you're homeless, as I was for two brief stints in my late teens. It takes years to get out of that moment-to-moment mindset.

If you've never slept in a public bathroom in the dead of winter, or agreed to do some rich kid's term paper so he'd let you into the common room of his dorm to sleep, or flirted with the guy at the deli so he'd give you a sandwich, or had someone shout 'get a job!' at you while you were on the way to work, or slept in the storeroom of the convienence store in which you work while your friend on the graveyard shift watched out for the manager, or gotten fired from said job when the manager found you sleeping in the storeroom, or carried all of your possesions in a huge backpack on your back, or caught your reflection in a plate glass window and thought 'gee, I'm a bum now I guess,' you've never lived.

I think the moment I really hit rock bottom was at one point while sparing for change, (something it takes just a few days without eating to get over, trust me) I realized that people wouldn't give me money with a sign that said "hungry," but with a sign that said "need booze" people would laugh and with a hearty 'well, at least she's honest!' plunk down some cash.

Coming back from homelessness is nearly impossible, and when you do so you can't believe your luck. Awhile back I got asked for change from a young punky girl in a store doorway and was taken aback because I still thought of myself as the asker, not the askee.

So, this is longer than I meant to post but there you go.

Not Relevant | September 7, 2005 03:02 AM

Being poor is looking forward to garbage day so you can get out early to hopefully find something you can use or fix-up and sell.

Being poor is thinking that if things get REALLY bad you can always commit a crime (and get caught of course) so you can go to jail for the food and housing.

Being poor is realizing "Hey, there is always suicide".

DemWit | September 7, 2005 03:30 AM

Not to take the subject on hand in a different direction, it is worth looking back and talking to people who lived through the Depression and WWII. We are not in a recession or depression (yet) but the incidence of poverty is on the rise and it has been masked by mumbo jumbo of statistics. The older people I know or have met do not remember those times very fondly because it brings back painful memories of young siblings dying, getting by with the bare minimum to survive and in some cases living with disabilities that last a lifetime. The generation that lived through WWII have to live on rationing, homegrown food and be creative in living their daily lives.
There was a call for shared hardship that people heeded because there was a legitimate reason for the sacrifice. No one begruged their neighbors because everyone is willing to do their patriotic duty.
Compare that to the present situation where there is a phony war on terror, a self-proclaimed war president and a flood of lies and disinformation. Disparity in income and wealth distribution have been widening than in any other time in history. The burden has been shifted to the working people, retirees and children. No wonder we are getting so confused, divided and becoming bitter with one another.
Being poor is not a crime but slowly becoming so when the safety net is being dismantled in the name of self-reliance and conservative ideology. Poverty is not a simple academic exercise that can be studied, dissected or analyzed without taking into consideration the social and cultural context in which it is happening.

P.S. Regarding my comments earlier about "wishing away your trouble..." - I am not advocating or even suggesting that you resign and accept your fate. I have been dealing with a chronic illness for the last five years and fighting it every inch of the way. I have not lost hope nor given in to the notion of resignation and quiet acceptance. I'm dealing with a physical, organic struggle here that require more than changing the state of mind. If you read Lance Armstrong's bio "It Is Not About the Bike" you will understand the monumental struggle, will and determination needed to deal with a health problem. Everything else becomes trivial.

eric | September 7, 2005 03:46 AM

Being poor is knowing that you couldn't buy hot food with foodstamps.

Being poor is knowing that you can buy a six-pack of generic soda for 0.99$ in food stamps. Then selling it back to classmates to make a 0.50$ cash profit.

Being poor is liking the taste of WIC cheese, raisins, and peanut-butter.

Being poor is hating the taste of dry-powder milk, but knowing you can't do anything about it but drink the powdered milk or eat cereal with water.

Being poor is being afraid to use your new xmas t-shirt out to play because your neighbors will think you're rich.

Being poor is never having ridden in a car until you're 10.

Being poor is walking a mile to the bus stop with your pregnant, single-mother two twin brothers, and a little sister, and a brother in a wheel chair.

Lori | September 7, 2005 04:01 AM

http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/articles/050829fa_fact

I didn't go to the dentist until I was 15. I do not have a moral failing.

pennswoodpusher | September 7, 2005 04:21 AM

Being poor is having shoe soles so thin that if you step on a coin you can tell if it's heads or tails.

Lynne | September 7, 2005 08:12 AM

To Anonymous who posted on not wanting a national healthcare system, because of what he heard from people in the UK and Canada:

I've been poor in the US and in the UK. As with Abi, I'll say the UK is way, way better. I would have died in the US, if it had not been for a former teacher who found a doctor who would give me free antibiotics out of the samples the drug companies left at his office -- because even though the ER is obliged to see everyone, they are not obliged to give you a full course of treatment. And if they write you a prescription that you can't afford to pay for, tough.

Here in the UK, you get to see a doctor without calling around for charity, and if you can't pay for them, you get the antibiotics free too. You don't have to lie curled up on the floor shivering and sweating and slowly starving to death because you're too sick to get up and the only thing you can do is hope somebody else cares enough to help you out for free.

And you know what? I'm not poor any more. I have a decent job and a decent wage, and I pay for everything, including the taxes which pay for other folks going to doctors -- and I STILL pay fewer taxes than I would be paying in the US. The nonsense about sky-high taxes over here is nonsense.

Being poor in the US is about being told that you must "want" to be poor, because you could fix it with a better attitude -- and knowing that you don't get to hear the protests against that from the ones who died.

Being poor in the UK is having a better chance of not dying.

alex | September 7, 2005 08:52 AM

Being poor is having to come up with excuses why you don't want to eat out.

Being poor is trying to justify your excuses to make yourself feel better.

Being poor is avoid trying new things because you are ashamed of coming up with excuses.

Being poor is knowing you have to make excuses and you can't stop being ashamed of them.

Being poor is protecting your children from knowing you're poor.

Being poor is having to deal with adult situations when you're a child. When you become an adult, realizing how you were taken advantage of.

Being formerly poor, I still think the same way because that's the way I grew up.

betty | September 7, 2005 10:01 AM

Being poor is realizing, when you finally give up, that the most painless methods of killing yourself are also the most expensive.

Boston | September 7, 2005 10:08 AM

I just want to say thank you for your post. I have a few friends I'd like to send it to, including one who told me once that $40 was objectively not a lot of money. More people need to understand exactly what it means to be poor in America.

Dan Layman-Kennedy | September 7, 2005 10:17 AM

The trouble with advising poor people that their situation can be changed with an attitude change and goal-setting is that the advice, however well-intentioned, lets everyone else off the hook for benefitting from a system that works by keeping poor people poor.

Why bother doing anything about a minimum wage that almost no one can survive on when you believe that the difference between poor and wealthy is getting your mind right? Why fix a health care system that preys on the people who can least afford it if you think that anyone can fix their lives with a little reorganization? While it's perhaps true that many people could benefit from positive attitudes and focus, they don't guarantee anything in a culture that thrives on keeping wages down and unemployment up just so those on the lowest rungs can be pressured into gratitude for the little they have.

Do you really think adding more guilt to the lives of people who already worry about being a burden on society - as so many here have expressed - does anything but increase the misery of folks who have enough to worry about without wondering whether they're being properly grateful for anything beyond the barest survival needs? Do you really think the thousands and thousands of people working multiple jobs just to cover their expenses and provide for their families aren't setting goals for themselves? Do you think that "Wake up call!" can be anything but horribly patronizing to the people who have watched years slip by without ever coming closer to those goals, no matter how positive their outlooks or how diligently they've worked?

And don't you think it's preferable, instead of urging everyone to "better" themselves by trying to become computer programmers and office workers (work that not everyone is of the right temperament to do), to instead provide the people who cook our food and build our houses and take away our garbage and clean our floors and stock our groceries - the jobs we'll probably always need - with wages that at least approach the benefit we collectively derive from their labor?

--Not that any of it matters one way or another to the people of NOLA. Whatver goals they were working towards, whatever benefits their positive attitudes have reaped, they're mostly at the bottom of a lake of toxic shit right now, whether they wrote it all down or not. I'm not prepared to tell them that a little more positive outlook would've made all that better, so too bad. Are you?

Skating on Edge | September 7, 2005 10:20 AM

Had to skate past most of the posts, so forgive me if this subject has been thoroughly washed before:

You can be poor and have a car. And being able to start that car when it's been parked on the street and the overnight low was -5°F can be the only thing that will keep the heat on that month.

You can be poor and have a VCR or DVD player. DVD's are about 30 bucks at Wal-Mart now. Renting, borrowing or taping movies gives you and the kids a "movie night" for less than the cost of one movie ticket. And you'll put up with the kids watching "Lion King" three times a day for a month because at least there are no commercials for things you can't afford.

Skating on Edge | September 7, 2005 10:28 AM

Not being poor means you're getting big dividends from you Wal-Mart stock because of the way they're "keeping prices low," then complaining about the cost of your state's Medicaid, which has to take care of the children of Wal-Mart employees who don't get enough hours to qualify for benefits.

wintermute | September 7, 2005 10:30 AM

To Anonymous who posted on not wanting a national healthcare system, because of what he heard from people in the UK and Canada:

Strange as it may seem, creating a universal, socialised healthcare system in America would not neccessarily involve "huge tax increases". To quote some statistics, in 2002, the American government spent $9,421 of tax money per adult on healthcare. In the same year, Britain, France, Sweden, Germany and Canada (all having excellent universal healthcare) spent between $8,400 and $9,100 per adult. Quite simply, the money already spent on healthcare could easily cover the neccessiies. And, then, if you could afford to go private, and see "any doctur you want", you still could, but it would be an option, not a requirement.

Admittedly, the British system isn't perfect, it's a lot better, and a lot cheaper, than the American system, which seems to be based on the idea that the people most at risk of illness and injury are the least deserving of treatment.

Having lived 30 years of my life in Britain, and having recently moved to America to get married, (in both countries, my income has slightly exceeded my expenitures, even with a few luxuries, so I'm far from poor), I'm horrified at how much I'm paying in real terms for basic medical care. My wife has tried to explain the concept of "co-pay" to me, and it seems to boil down to "you pay taxes, your employer pays health insurance (which means they can't pay you as much), you top up that health insurance, and a doctor *still* won't see you unless you pay him directly." I don't think that makes a great deal of sense.

In Britain, doctors are overworked and underpaid. They do their job because it needs to be done, and they want to help people; it's seen as a noble calling, and elicits sympathy more than anything else, much like being an inner-city teacher. Wages are also lower at the private health insurance companies, because people won't pay too much more, when they can always just use the NHS, if they need to.

If the American healthcare system focused less on making a profit and more on curing the sick, then you might not have 10 million people who can't afford health insurance but don't qualify for MediCare. You might no longer have the world's most expensive medical system, but only the 15th best access to medical procedures, and the 9th best access to drugs.

I've rambled a bit. Oh, well.

Jesse | September 7, 2005 11:23 AM

Being poor is being a stack of dominoes waiting to fall.

Here's how it goes in Jesse-land:

Jesse has a job waiting tables. He knows damn well he needs the job. He does his best. Still, there's a run of bad tips for a couple weeks. Just bad luck.

He can't cover the electric bill that month. Oh well. It's spring, and the stove's gas; won't freeze, can still cook.

The electricity gets turned off at exactly the wrong moment: while he's sleeping. He didn't know when he went to bed that his alarm clock wouldn't work in the morning. He calls in to work and gets told not to bother coming in.

Well, there goes the rent. Frantic job-hunting ensues, until the phone gets turned off as well. One week to come up with rent: $210. Not gonna happen. Jesse bites the bullet and goes to apply for emergency assistance.

After a thorough grilling, including a lot of disbelief because he 'sounds educated' (Uh, yeah... I /was/ educated... you'd think that would help me get a job... it still confuses me that it doesn't...) he's told he qualifies for -- drum roll please -- $50 in food stamps and a $120 check!

"Uhm... I told you I'm $210 short of rent. I live alone. I don't need $50 of food, I need my rent paid or I'm out." "Then I guess it's time to move into cheaper housing, isn't it?" "Oooo-kay. Got a list of places I can move into for $120?" "You're wasting our time. Take this form to that window. And don't forget, if you don't show up for these daily 'work readiness' classes, which you have to take a bus downtown to attend during prime job-hunting hours, you'll lose all benefits."

Now homeless, Jesse dutifully attends two work readiness classes. They are geared toward people who cannot write their own names. Even the borderline retarded people in the class are exasperated by its uselessness. Jesse had hoped there would be, maybe, a list of job openings posted or something like a job fair, but no, it's just 4 hours he'll never get back. Since the benefits aren't getting him off the street anyway, he doesn't bother going back.

One day, while gnawing on pizza from the dumpster behind Rocky Roccoco's, he spits out a filling. C'est la vie.

Using the food stamps to buy a 25-cent orange at two different stores in order to get the change for bus fare, he goes job hunting. He's pretty good at finding places to bathe, he sounds smart and charming, but the jobs just aren't there.

After a month of couch-mooching and occasional park-sleeping, good luck strikes, far more suddenly than the bad luck did: an old friend from high school is looking for a roommate, and is willing to wait on the rent. Jesse has a place to stay and someone to puppy-eyes food out of for the duration of the job-hunt! Insert happy dance.

Another month of mooching off this good-hearted friend, and Jesse finds a job. Minimum wage, a commute almost as long as the working day, 35 hours a week, no benefits. But -- job! Insert another happy dance.

Far more ant than grasshopper after his nasty summer of bathing in the McDonald's bathroom, Jesse does everything he has to and keeps this job for three years. Not once does he get a raise, nor even the full-time hours that would qualify him for benefits, and attempts to find a better job or a second part-time gig go kersplooie. But still! All the ramen he can eat, and his roomie only has to float him the occasional 20 on rent!

And then he gets bronchitis. Every time he calls in sick, the manager tells him he better show up or he's fired. So he walks to work in 20-below weather, coughs up a lung on the sandwich table, and gets sent home -- another walk in the winter wonderland. Sicker the next day, of course, same thing happens again, repeat for two weeks. Antibiotics from the free clinic do nothing. Finally appeals to manager's boss, boss gets spanked, Jesse gets time to rest up. Unpaid, of course.

Upon returning to work, discovers that manager wins: Jesse his henceforth only needed for 4 hours a week. And since he's no longer living with the generous roomie...

C'est la vie. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Oh, I got out. Took me ten years -- or fifteen, depending on how you define 'poor' -- but I got out. To those who stress 'positive thinking', let me offer a contrary opinion: what got me out was NEGATIVE thinking. Thinking like so: "I am too mean to die." "I don't give a damn if it makes them mad, I'm going to keep asking them." "You win THIS time, manager lady, but maybe my next manager will be too scared of me to pull this crap." And our old favorites, "C'est la vie," "So it goes," and "Wotthehell, Archie, wotthehell." I'm not saying it'll work for anyone but me, but if the airy-fairy stuff doesn't ring for you, try being a stubborn sonofabitch.

Toujours gai,
Jesse "Unbreakable" Hajicek

Jesse | September 7, 2005 11:26 AM

Oops! Can you believe I forgot the punchline?

Being poor is...

A root canal 15 years after you spit out the filling. You would not believe the size of the hole in my molar, you could stick a pencil eraser in there, and I often did. Cheers to Dental Hygiene Man from the previous thread!

J. | September 7, 2005 11:34 AM

Being poor is making that deal with your dad when you were 14, that no you wouldn't call the cops on them, and he'd put you through college.

Being poor is him bailing on the deal when you're 19 and you were the first in the family to make it into college in the first place, despite it all.

Being poor is managing to become emancipated and sleeping on your friends floor as a result because there's noplace else to go.

Being poor is getting your degree - and not ten years later being downsized.

Being poor is realizing that the degree doesn't mean anything anyway - except for those student loans you now can't pay.

Being poor is being tired of hearing "You're overeducated, you're overqualified, we can't hire you." - and having to take that 6.50 cashier job with Wal-Mart as a result.

Being poor is being grateful for that 6.50 an hour job 'cause at least you won't lose your place, your car, and maybe you can stop selling your stuff.

Being poor is being unable to argue when hours disappear from your paycheck lest they fire you for it.

Being poor is working 40 hours a week for 11 months and when you ask where the health insurance is for full time people, they cut your hours, and you can't fight that either.

Being poor is being unable to qualify for that student loan deferment because you're 16 dollars over the poverty line from said job. (Nevermind the loans are nearly 200/month).

Being poor is being unable to qualify for any government help because you're not part of the groups on the list of people who qualify.

Being poor is knowing you have the degree and people think there's something wrong with you when you can't find a job you can live on.

When there's nothing wrong with you.

And you've sent out hundreds of resumes across the country.

For a wide array of jobs you have experience doing.

Being poor is being treated like you're retarded by people less intelligent than you.

And have to take it with a smile or else.

Being poor is when well-meaning friends feel sorry for you.

And being depressed over it.

It's when you start to honestly believe that not only can things get worse, they will.

It's just a matter of when.

ws | September 7, 2005 12:41 PM

Some of the "poor" on this site should take a good look at where they are.

-They are "rich" compared to 90% of the worlds population.

-Hard work and persistence will get them out of where they are and up to where the media portrays they should be.

LB | September 7, 2005 12:56 PM

Sitting here reading the original post and all of your comments, I am overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. I was raised upper middle class and fortunately never had to experience the things you talk about. I feel so guilty - I really hate myself right now.

Snoop | September 7, 2005 01:14 PM

To Derek from the UK:

Being poor in Manchester in the UK means:

Doing just about OK till your husband gets sick and loses his job - both his lungs collapse. Then your mother gets very sick. To deal with a cash crisis, you buy a VCR on HP from the electricity showroom and agree to pay for it via your electricity meter. You take the VCR down the pub and you sell it for cash for a fraction of what it will cost you. You can't manage the electricity payments through the meter, you've got seven kids, it's winter. You buy another VCR from the electricity showroom - same terms. They don't ask questions. You take it down the pub.... Seven VCRs later, your husband's still sick, he's never going back to work, your mother's dead and you can't put enough in the electricity meter each week to get any electricity at all. The electricity board starts to look into your case and then decides to pursue you for theft - HP purchases aren't yours until you've made the last payment. So you aren't entitled to sell them because they don't belong to you. You give up paying your rent to pay them. Finally, the housing department looks into your case and sends you to see a debt counsellor. The debt counsellor (me) writes to all your creditors to organise debt payments for you - 5p a month to some, 15p a month to others. Everybody wants payment, nobody will write off a debt to the amazement of the debt counsellor given that it costs them far more to process the payments. Then your daughter's child dies from sudden infant death syndrome. Social Security pays for the funeral but you've still got other costs. Your can't make your monthly debt payments. Eventually, you go back to see the debt counsellor. Who sorts things out with the creditors - one finally decides to write off the debt. The debt counsellor quits her job but has thought about you every now and then ever since, even 15 years later, wondering how you're doing. Wondering what the hell the electricity showroom thought it was doing. Wondering about all the other cases she saw.

People are still poor in the UK, Derek. Miserably so. In the UK, it's true you can get by without a car, but bus and tube fares are pretty well beyond a lot of people's means. You've still got awful choices: a return bus fare to a job interview or a meal for your family?

J | September 7, 2005 01:16 PM

I don't think it's anyone's intent for anyone to feel bad about having it good. I know I'm glad someone does. I get excited for my friends that manage to escape poverty, and for the ones that have it good and manage to keep it. I pray that they don't get downsized or watch their jobs get sent overseas like I did and lose it all again.

Don't feel bad. Count the blessings, save money like a bugger...and don't feel guilty. =(

T | September 7, 2005 01:29 PM

Wow, you brought NOLA into the conversation? That's very thoughtful. People go through whatever obstacles come up, whether it's a company layoff or the holocaust. I go through them, we all do. They're unfortunate tragedies but it's the attitude that'll pull you through.

"whatever benefits their positive attitudes have reaped, they're mostly at the bottom of a lake of toxic shit right now, whether they wrote it all down or not. I'm not prepared to tell them that a little more positive outlook would've made all that better, so too bad. Are you?"

We're not talking about attitudes and goals preventing the unforeseen and/or influencing mother nature and making "what is" better.

There's a guy named Victor Frankl who survived the holocaust. He wrote a book about it. What he found was that it was his attitude that helped him get through and cope with the horrifying ordeal. He was even able to find BEAUTY in a bowl of soup water with a raw fish head.

It's what you make of what you're given. I know it's so much easier said than done but that's doing something different. Of course, one needs to be practical and realistic and take care of things but don't neglect the mind.

"The trouble with advising poor people that their situation can be changed with an attitude change and goal-setting is that the advice, however well-intentioned, lets everyone else off the hook for benefitting from a system that works by keeping poor people poor."

Yes, the system is unfair. But if they so choose, the poor have the personal power to alter their current condition and not be poor and thereby transcending the system.

"Why bother doing anything about a minimum wage that almost no one can survive on when you believe that the difference between poor and wealthy is getting your mind right?"

I totally get that thousands have multiple jobs to make ends meet - it's not rich/poor, good/bad it's just what needs to be done.

But there are ways to get out of that "rat race" or whatever situation you don't want to be in. And I'm not talking about get-rich-quick stuff. Most "poor" are trapped in an endless thought-loop which helps confine them to being poor... a cycle of thoughts of worry, depression, anger, fear. It's not their fault; society and media have "programmed" these kinds of thoughts. But there's the opposite spectrum of thoughts that will lead to options - they just need someone or something to "snap them out of it" ... whether it's an advice, a mentor, a friend, an event, self-awareness, whatever.

"And don't you think it's preferable, instead of urging everyone to "better" themselves by trying to become computer programmers and office workers (work that not everyone is of the right temperament to do)"

Where did that come from? Just because I work with a computer doesn't mean I urge others to do computer/office work.

All I'm offering is advice from my and many other's experiences. Doing something differently is better than not doing anything differently at all. And it's free to decide and act on.

DemWit | September 7, 2005 01:44 PM

"Some of the "poor" on this site should take a good look at where they are.

-They are "rich" compared to 90% of the worlds population.

-Hard work and persistence will get them out of where they are and up to where the media portrays they should be."

Same damn rationalizing poverty in America. The original intent of John in this blog is to shine a light on why the poor could not leave New Orleans when their lives are in peril even if they want to. It is not about world poverty, who is better at picking through garbage dumps or who has a positive attitude to lift themselves out of poverty. It is about being poor in ABSOLUTE (not relative terms) in this country, right HERE (not somewhere else) and NOW (not yesterday or tomorrow or some other time frame).
Ask yourself - do I have enough cash in my pocket right now to buy food when I'm feeling the pangs of hunger? Do I have enough money to buy gas or take a bus after hearing an emergency warning and being ordered to evacuate? Can I gather my family or loved ones to take them to a safe place?
All the platitudes about positive thinking, saving and working hard is irrelevant in this extreme emergency situation. It boils down to the ability and having the means to react to a given situation.
Sure, we are better off than 90% of the world's poor. Better off than people during the Depression or during the Middle Ages. We can argue all we want until the cows come home but the real issue is - can you get out without any help from others when the hurricane, tornado or wildfire is fast approaching?

R | September 7, 2005 02:11 PM

Being Poor is being forced to give up your pride and move back home to your parents when you're in your late 20s, because you've found yourself stuck in that jobless vicious circle of not being able to get a job due to lack of work experience, but not being able to get work experience due to a lack of job - and trying to go in at the bottom rung of the ladder meets with cries of "no, you're overqualified, we don't trust you!" - and yet somehow having to be able to pay off student loans without any money, loans you took out to pay for that degree-level qualification that was supposed to be guarenteed to get you that future well-paid job.

Being rich is having parents who are willing to put a roof over your head instead of enjoying their post-independent children freedom.

anon | September 7, 2005 02:30 PM

I love all the stuff about thinking your way out of poverty. I don't want to attack the author of that, because it *is* useful, but you have to remember: people who aren't poor -- and even people who are only *kind of* poor -- may be able to pull themselves up with proper hard work and a good attitude. People who are *very* poor -- and often people who are only *kind of* poor -- may have months or years of fastidiousness and hard work wiped out, reduced utterly to zero, by the kind of tiny catastrophe or misstep that someone a couple of steps up the economic ladder would shrug off without much concern.

When I was a kid, we were only a little bit poor. We were well-off enough that my folks could afford to indulge their pride by refusing to sign us up for free school lunch. They sheltered us kids from the effects of our economic status so well that I was truly shocked at 10 years old when we were visited by Sub for Santa.

My folks are quite comfortable now, and so are all us kids. But it didn't *just* take thinking positive; it didn't *just* take my dad working 80-hour weeks through my entire childhood; it didn't *just* take my mom wringing every cent of use out of every potentially useful object or scrap of food; it didn't *just* take the help of an extended family that was always willing to share alike with what little they had; it didn't *just* take a supportive community.

It took all of those things plus *luck*.

Lea | September 7, 2005 02:50 PM

Being poor is your ten-year-old being gleeful that she told the lady on the phone that "She isn't here." because she's heard you say it so many times.
(Which I fixed by not saying it any more, and just letting the phone ring.)

Being poor is having your car repo'd because you couldn't pay the car payment because your husband's boss couldn't be arsed to reimburse your husband for the car-payment-amount of gas.

Being pooor is not having the tub fixed for three years.

Ditto the toilet.

Being poor is the gym teacher yelling at your kid for not wearing a $17.00 "gym uniform", because it was between that gym uniform (not even shipped to the school at that point), and the single pair of uniform pants.

Being poor is your husband eating once a day because you're pregnant, so you can eat twice a day.

Being poor is not being able to look at a box of Hamburger Helper without wanting to punch someone.

Being poor is not being able to contemplate one more package of ramen, because that was one of your two meals a day when you were pregnant.

Being poor is finding out you're not "poor ENOUGH" for reduced-cost school lunches, but your kid's school would like to help you out at Thanksgiving and Christmas. (Being mentally poor is your husband refusing the help.)

Being poor is not being "poor ENOUGH" for your little girl to go to Head Start because you're married to her daddy.

Anonymous | September 7, 2005 03:46 PM

Growing up poor and not quite knowing it was your Grandma, on gov't assistance giving your mom as many of your benifits as she could afford, because your mom wasn't quite poor enough to qualify, but didn't have the money to feed everyone 7 days out of the week.
Being poor was getting yelled at for loosing one lunch ticket, because mom couldn't afford to buy you a lunch, and you had nothing at home to make a lunch, because you had lunch tickets.
Being poor was being happy that it was your year to get some new school clothes, from the thrift store.
Being not quite poor, but too close, is knowing how you have your money budgeted for the next month, as long as your husband doesn't get sick and miss some work.
Being not quite poor, but too close, is only having a single income, because you cannot afford daycare, and you DR doen't want you to work while pregnant.
Being not quite poor, but too close, is knowing how to make casseroles from any leftovers you have, because you refuse to buy Hamburger Helper, and that last pound of hamburger has to stretch to feed five people, two meals.
Being not quite poor, but too close, is wanting to take your child to the dentist, but not being able to afford the copay.
being not quite poor, but too close, is living in constant fear that something is going to go wrong, and you will be poor, with children, and the hole you are slowly digging yourself out of will only get deeper, and they will be able to post to a list like this, when they grow up, which you never want, and your parents never wanted for you.

Anonymous | September 7, 2005 04:00 PM

Most "poor" are trapped in an endless thought-loop which helps confine them to being poor... a cycle of thoughts of worry, depression, anger, fear. It's not their fault; society and media have "programmed" these kinds of thoughts.

Because being worried, depressed, angry and afraid are not rational responses to poverty and suffering, but must be 'programmed' by society and media?

Joe | September 7, 2005 04:00 PM

I'll do several posts to give people a more defined target:)

The link to Modest Needs was excellent. Thank you.

Another suggestion is one my family has done for the past few Christmases: Rather than giving gifts to the adults in the family, everyone contribute cash into a kitty and select a needy family to gift with it. We take turns making the selections and they have been coworkers, relatives, sugestions from pastors, etc.. It is really an excellent vehicle for giving. Also, be sure to make the gift well before Christmas because it may mean the difference between their kids having one or not, or the electricity being on on Christmas day (both have been the case with our recipients). It has worked so well that we are expanding it to other holidays as well.

And before anyone takes a shot, yes, I have been poor, though not to the extent of some of these posts and more so that some other of the posts.

Joe

Joe | September 7, 2005 04:12 PM

Being poor is qualifying for a poverty level HUD home even though you work 60 - 70 hours a week.

Being blessed is having that job get you the experience and the contacts to get you a six figure income.

Being poor is being forced to choose betwwen lunch at work (sandwich from home) or not buying lunch meat for a couple of weeks to buy shoes for the kids.

Being blessed is living in a rural area with a large lot to let you grow a garden in the summer for fresh veggies.

My grandmother always taught me that you never list a trouble without listing a blessing. Especially in your own mind. Especially when you have to think hard to find the blessings. They're always there, sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see them.

Joe

Lauren | September 7, 2005 04:15 PM

Being poor is getting "let go" from the hospital six months pregnant with a kidney infection, seven days early with an IV port in your arm, because the Medicaid ran out. Being poor is the doctor telling you that if you'd had private insurance you would have been able to stay those seven days. Being poor is having the cabbie who drove you home from the hospital wave your fee out of pity, even if she is just as broke as you are.

Mike | September 7, 2005 04:25 PM

I find it curious and disheartening that in the Land of the Free, The land of opportunity, that so much of what that country is deemed to represent is denied to the majority of its citizens. Being poor in most of these case means that you governments, your leaders,and your business communities have let you all down badly.
Having a lack of the means to live and obtain the basics of life without having to loose your dignity is surely something we all should have without question. A point which is well made by most of these posts

Lauren | September 7, 2005 04:25 PM

Being poor is covering for the crack dealer across the street and the prostitute, ex-convict downstairs because they occasionally give you cash.

brooksy | September 7, 2005 04:39 PM

I'm ridden with guilt after reading the comments on this post. I resented my parents for putting me on the free lunch program one year when they were both involuntarily unemployed. They never chose between the phone and the electric, or let us kids feel the slightest pang of hunger. Yet I still hated feeling "poor". Perspective is a powerful thing. Guilt is even stronger.

Mone | September 7, 2005 05:11 PM

Hey, I liked living near the freeway!

Happy that his mom drew the line at Goodwill underwear (I think),
Mone

Anonymous | September 7, 2005 05:59 PM

From my late husband's childhood:
Being poor is dropping out of college because your National Merit Scholarship combined with your workstudy and off-campus job still doesn't cover your books.

Being poor is your mother coming home and crying because you and your younger brothers were playing with the flour and scattered it all over the kitchen, and that was all there was to eat in the house for the next few days.

Being poor is your mother marrying and staying married to a man who beat her every night, just to keep the kids fed and housed.

Being poor is not having your vision or your lazy eye corrected because your mother can't afford it, with the result that you don't get glasses until you're 16 and you never do learn to read out of the bad eye.

From my recent years:
Being poor and owning a house is knowing that you only own a house because your husband died.

Being poor is having to borrow the money for your husband's cremation from your mother.

Being poor is unexpectedly becoming a widow at 42 and trying hard not to cry at work, because you can't afford to take any time off for bereavement.

Being poor is being unable to afford a lawyer, after getting turned down by all state and local resources, to get the back pay that your former employer has owed you for over a year.

Being poor is realizing that you will probably never have children, despite wanting them desperately, because you can't afford adoption, you can't afford the necessary medical assistance, and you are too responsible to bring them up poor.

Being poor is keeping the thermostat below 60 all winter. Being poor this year is contemplating keeping the thermostat below 50 all winter, because the price of energy is skyrocketing.

Being poor means giving until it really does hurt to Hurricane Katrina relief. You give all the money you'd have for anything other than bare-bones necessities (no thrift-store clothes for you for the next year!), but there are people who need it more than you, and you have some inkling of what it may be like for them.

anon | September 7, 2005 06:32 PM

Being poor is convincing yourself you don't mind the cheap scratchy TP you steal from public bathrooms.
Being poor is having a car with a driver’s side door that won’t open, and pretending it’s funny.
Being poor is having a car that smokes so badly that people at every stop light tell me it’s on fire, but no money to fix it.
Being poor is going 14 years without a physical because you only ever go to the clinic and only for emergencies or STD tests.
Being poor is bringing snacks in your purse so you don't have to buy food out.
Being poor is having a plastic baggie in your purse so you can sneak buffet food into it.
Being poor is using grocery store plastic bags and food tubs for food storage instead of tupperwares and Ziplocs.
Being poor is having to ask "are we splitting the entire tab or can I just order an appetizer and save some money?"
Being poor is first buying a bed at the age of 31. All the previous ones were free mattresses scrounged from other people when I arrived in a new state.
Being poor is hand-me-down sheets and towels, which you use until they actually tear.
Being poor is wearing dresses with the frayed part all around the neckline, and pretending no one notices, or that I do it because I just don't care about new clothes, not because I have to keep wearing the ones I have until they decompose entirely.
Being poor is being glad to get the old car when a relationship breaks up and we divvy up the property, because I'm never sure I can make car payments.
Being poor is asking for tennis shoes for Christmas, because I couldn’t afford to buy clothes to work out in.
Being poor is having to decide whether a "free" piece of furniture is worth it, because it might change the size of truck I have to rent to move in.
Being poor is pretending I don’t mind the bug invasions in my house, because I can’t afford to live someplace that’s properly sealed, and the landlord doesn’t have money to call an exterminator either.
Being poor is developing the social skills to make friends quickly, because you can't afford to hire movers.
Being poor is trying to convince yourself/your loved ones that you're just "not into" Christmas, when really it breaks your heart you can't afford to buy people gifts.
Being poor is feeling guilty about every gift you receive.
Being poor is an epic internal struggle to decide I deserved to spend $25 every other week on organic produce delivery.
Being poor is continuing to eat at a restaurant that gave you an upset stomach and diarrhea, because it didn't actually land you in the hospital and it's still big portions of food for cheap.
Being poor is never eating anywhere it would be safe to order seafood.
Being poor is never getting attached to a brand (or even a product – grocery list has things like “meat”), because you’re going to buy whatever’s on sale that week and be grateful for it.
Being poor is having foods you will never eat again after you’re not poor because you ate them during a really bad period, when they were all you had.
Being poor is feeling fear in your belly when the loose change in the glove box you use to buy food w/ coupons at Arby's with is almost gone.
Being poor is convincing yourself it's because you believe in alternative healing methods that you don't go to the doctor when you have pneumonia.
Being poor is wearing a bra with the underwire stabbing you in the armpit because you can't afford to buy a new one.
Being poor is not borrowing money or accepting gifts from people because you feel struggling and doing without is part of your punishment for the choices you made that landed you in poverty.
(and shameful to admit) Being poor is having an inventory in your head of the resources your friends have: storage space, a guest room, lots of food in their fridge, money to borrow in a pinch, etc. Also keeping an inventory of how you're doing with them, so you know if the relationship could stand your drawing on their resources.

Lauren | September 7, 2005 06:36 PM

Being poor is wearing a bra with the underwire stabbing you in the armpit because you can't afford to buy a new one.
And ripping out both underwires so the bra is something close to comfortable.

Mike Cane | September 7, 2005 08:28 PM

God, some wrenching posts have been added.

To Dan Layman-Kennedy: bravo for being able to put into calm words what my anger won't let me do.

>>>I'm not saying it'll work for anyone but me, but if the airy-fairy stuff doesn't ring for you, try being a stubborn sonofabitch.

-- yes. Sometimes I feel like writing a book called The Positive Power of Spite!

To LB who has middle-class guilt -- no one is asking you to. But we would like you to, uh, think more about who you vote for. That might help.

To the guy who brought up Frankl (I should have seen *that* one coming), there is a huge difference between being persecuted by outright enemies and the kind of economic misery that comes from the hands of one's fellow citizens and *government*. The comparison is specious. If there is any point that should be made, it's: Never Give Up. And I so far haven't seen anyone here write that they would.

>>>....may be able to pull themselves up with proper hard work.

Did this person read the other posts? I saw *plenty* of "proper work" being mentioned, with poverty still the result. What world do you live in that, say, a fast-food or Wal-Mart part-time gig would get you and keep you an apartment? You can put in all the bloody "proper work" you wish, find your name on the stupid wall as Employee of the Frikkin Year, and still never get full-time with benefits. Profits are no longer the domain of mark-ups on products, it's become how can we get the most employees at the cheapest price. I still wonder how a man like Henry Ford came along to decide that *his* workers should be paid what was back then considered a criminal sum of money by his fellow industrialists.

I see the American Red Cross and FEMA are issuing debit cards to the NOLA evacuees so they will have some cash in hand. I could have cried. Somewhere, *someone* is *thinking*.

Laura | September 7, 2005 08:38 PM

How come this assumes that 'the poor' steal?

And that their friends steal! (Being poor is knowing you can't leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.)?

and their kids steal! (Being poor is stealing meat from the store, frying it up before your mom gets home and then telling her she doesn't have make dinner tonight because you're not hungry anyway.)?

Most of these are wonderful but I was dismayed at a closer look!

John Scalzi | September 7, 2005 09:17 PM

Laura:

Those two particular incidents are based on personal experiences, actually. In the second case, as I explained earlier in the thread, I stole the meat because my mother was a day away from her paycheck and there wasn't enough food in the house for me and her, and I didn't want her to go hungry because she would have fed me and not eaten herself. I don't think she ever knew that I did it.

The point of putting that in was not to paint poor people as thieves, but rather to point out how being poor makes for difficult circumstances. Certainly as a child I knew it was wrong to steal. However, I also decided that it was wrong to have my mother go hungry for my sake. Faced with that choice, I did the thing that at the time I decided was more right. You are free to disagree with the decision, of course.

laura | September 7, 2005 09:25 PM

Laura, skip meals for three days and then come back and whine about other people's morals, okay? And what in Christ's name is wonderful about this thread? It is horrible! It is horrible that this is the richest country in the world and we let our brothers and sisters live like this, we stunt our children.

The good that is happening here is the honesty--people realizing that perhaps they do not need to be ashamed of their past.

A Duifferent Laura | September 7, 2005 09:33 PM

Being poor is when your home is impounded. Home being a vehicle.

Being poor is having to live up to higher standards than everyone else. You are one bad decision away from disaster. Other people can do stupid things all they want to and no one cares. But you - oh no - you have to be perfect in every way or you don't deserve the scraps you are begrudged on a daily basis. You better choose wisely which bill you'll leave off paying this month. And you must choose wisely whether you can splurge on something other than ramen this week or whether you should be able to foretell the future and know that you won't have any emergencies.

Being poor means hearing gun shots every night out your window. And even more so if that window is on a car.

being poor means having the contempt of society heaped upon you.

Being poor means being called lazy for daring to be exhausted after working three jobs and still barely able to pay the rent and groceries.

Being poor means that the ancient clunker you drive is begrudged you, even though you bought it when you were still employed and thought you had job security, and if you didn't have it you'd lose 85% of your employment options.

Being poor means that everyone has the right to judge you and give you dirty looks for not using food stamps for what they say they'd use food stamps for. Junk food fills the stoma