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"Gonzales vows to stay, fix Justice's image"
What's not commonly known is that after this headline was written, MSNBC's interns were called over with sponges and buckets, because the headline writer's head exploded. A moment of silence, if you will, for the fallen headline writer: Yet another in a long line felled by extreme cognitive dissonance.
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Comments (7)
Hee! My mental image of the unfortunate interns cleaning up Mr. Headline Writer's exploded head just made my day!
I think that means I should seek help...
Posted by Janiece | July 23, 2007 4:47 PM
Posted on July 23, 2007 16:47
Ah, I see why this might confuse. What you need to realize, Scalzi, is that words, to these people, are fluid - they lack any true meaning. Think Clear Sky’s or Healthy Forests or No Child Left Behind. At first these initiatives may seem to do exactly the opposite of what they sound like they should do. Ah, but here is the trick, what does "fix" mean? What does "healthy" mean?
To Gonzo "fix" means what it means to a gangster. i.e. - "I'll fix the problem Don Cheney, he'll be sleeping with the fishes by sunrise."
Posted by nisleib | July 23, 2007 5:24 PM
Posted on July 23, 2007 17:24
I'm not so sure what's difficult to imagine about the claim. All Gonzales has to do is arrange for a threesome and, technically, that would improve their image. Especially amongst a threesome-appreciating demographic.
Posted by RooK | July 23, 2007 9:26 PM
Posted on July 23, 2007 21:26
When this is the reality, is it any wonder why people would rather be reading Harry Potter?
It's like Alberto Gonzales pledging that the beatings will continue until morale improves. So tired. So Very Tired.
Posted by WizarDru | July 24, 2007 7:36 AM
Posted on July 24, 2007 07:36
At least he's consistent.
I think he genuinely believes there are no major problems at Justice, that the Senators are on a (bi-)partisan witch hunt, and that he can placate them by identifying and fixing some minor problems that normally wouldn't merit publicity (coming soon).
I think he knows that the 8 (?) prosecutors were fired for political reasons, but can't imagine why anyone thinks that's a problem. It's his Justice Department, he's Bush's Attorney General, anyone who doesn't like it should just accept that they lost the 2004 election and get over it. Think I got that right.
Posted by DPWally | July 25, 2007 11:35 AM
Posted on July 25, 2007 11:35
DPWally,
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, huh? Unfortunately, I tend to agree with you. And that makes me very, very sad.
Posted by Janiece | July 25, 2007 11:40 AM
Posted on July 25, 2007 11:40
I'm not aware of a meeting in which a river in Egypt was discussed. I cannot confirm the existence of such a river.
Posted by DPWally | July 26, 2007 1:18 PM
Posted on July 26, 2007 13:18