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June 09, 2007

Creation in My Own Backyard

gtmc2.jpg

People keep e-mailing me to tell me that the new Creation Museum is just down the road from me. Yes, folks, I know. Oddly enough, we do have newspapers and television stations here to keep me abreast of the local news, and not just when the Museum's "Adam" turns out to be a fellow who talks online about all the dirty, dirty sex he's had.

The people who are e-mailing me are also often suggesting I should go to the Museum and check it out. Thanks, no. I feel I can extract sufficient comedy value out of people who believe dinosaurs lived with humans and that T-Rexes had six-inch, knife-like teeth to open coconuts from a safe, non-contagious distance. No need to spend $20 on an admission ticket just to mock them up close.

Anyway, the folks at Ars Technica have covered it for you, and it's pretty much what I would say on the matter, although almost certainly with less snark.

Posted by john at June 9, 2007 11:49 AM

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Comments

Christian | June 9, 2007 12:30 PM

Shows up in Fark comment threads all the time, and never fails to make me laugh.

Aw Fuck

John H | June 9, 2007 12:38 PM

Yes, but I so want a Jesus Horse!

T.M. Wagner | June 9, 2007 12:46 PM

There's also an awesome post here about a raging internecine war culminating in a nasty lawsuit going on right now between Answers in Genesis US and its Australian counterpart. Spectacular reading. Reveals the sleaze levels that con artist Ken Ham works within on a routine basis.

PixelFish | June 9, 2007 12:53 PM

*brain hurting*

As far as I can gather, they still seem to believe in evolution....except it's all done by God's will and on a collapsed timeline. The explanation about the varieties of finches and dogs seems to say that God built the variety into finches and dogs.

I also love how the evidences of giant lakes and sedimentery deposits in layers becomes evidence for the Flood.

John H | June 9, 2007 12:55 PM

They put the DOH! in pseudoscience...

Diana Pharaoh Francis | June 9, 2007 01:32 PM

But . . . But . . . I LIVE for your snark!

Di

Adam Ziegler | June 9, 2007 02:20 PM

Di: Same here. More snark, please.

Jim Wright | June 9, 2007 02:28 PM

Can't find the URL now (and I'm too lazy to look), but the other day, using Stumble for Firefox, I came across a jpg of a bumper sticker that said:

I went to the Creation Museum and all I got was stupider!

I thought that was pretty dammed funny. T-Rex the vegetarian, on the Ark, with Noah - and these are the people running the country right now...and everybody wonders why American schools lag behind the rest of the civilized world in science and technology. Hmmmm, it's a mystery. Maybe we need more standardized federal testing...

Chang, for rizzle. | June 9, 2007 02:28 PM

I could use some "good herb" t' go with some snark.

Dan | June 9, 2007 02:59 PM

Standardized federal testing really won't help. These folks are trying desperately to get this nonsense into the curriculum as a legitimate science.

Jim Wright | June 9, 2007 03:08 PM

Dan, I was kidding, kidding.

Jim Wright | June 9, 2007 03:11 PM

Oh, and I found the URL. There's t-shirt too.

http://www.cafepress.com/defconamerica

doubt | June 9, 2007 03:38 PM

"with less snark."

...Really?

Smith | June 9, 2007 03:46 PM

Strangely enough, I nearly had the chance to do animation on the 'friendly dinosaurs' and whatnot at the Creation Museum. A buddy of mine from high school works at the video production house that created their cinematic exhibits. Moral issues aside, it would have been too damn embarassing to put on my demo reel.

Jim Winter | June 9, 2007 04:09 PM

I always want to ask a creationist "Why do you people think you're smarter than God?" Because they really do.

wil | June 9, 2007 04:17 PM

I see the need for an LOLRex: I can has coconut?

Kendall | June 9, 2007 04:27 PM

But, but, but...(sputter)...I thought creationists didn't believe in dinosaurs?! Are they so desparate to get people interested in creationism that they've decided to co-opt dinos?!

Wakboth | June 9, 2007 04:33 PM

Jim Winter:
"They will only allow God the minuscule, infant universe described by the writers of Genesis (or Moses, if you prefer). They can't stand it that God has been working on this version of the universe for something like 14 billion years, and His workshop is so inconceivably huge that it seems ridiculously presumptuous to imagine the Earth and its dominant species to be the center of God's attention. They won't allow Him to work His miracles of life patiently, subtly, using the gradual, majestic power of evolution. My hypothesis is that creationists, having short attention spans themselves, just can't allow God three billion years of patience and attention to Earthly life. Instead, all they'll allow Him is one magic *POOF*, all-in-one creation, barely 6,000 years ago."

(From this site: "Things Creationists Hate")

Rhiannon_S | June 9, 2007 04:34 PM

I would willing give 20 pounds to get you into that place just so I could read the blog entry.

Joe Hil | June 9, 2007 04:35 PM

NO! No, no, nonononoNO.

Scalzi should not be allowed to get off so easily. The Whatever Community needs to rise up and DEMAND he pay a visit to this important cultural center ASAP. In fact, we need to give him an irresistible reason to go. Here's my idea: not only will I pay the price of the Scalzi family tickets to the Creation museum, I will donate an amount matching the price of those tickets to the charity of John's choice... but only AFTER he files a comprehensive report about his visit on the Whatever.

Are there any other Whatever readers willing to make a modest donation to a Scalzish charity to compel a Creation Museum visit? C'mon, let's pass the digital hat. Who's in????!?!?!

Joe Hill | June 9, 2007 04:42 PM

See... Rhiannon_S is already in.

Jeff Hentosz | June 9, 2007 04:45 PM

As every creationist I've ever heard speak before a school board insists, it's only about fairness, not religion. And, as these same folk would never bear false witness, I'd be willing to cut them some slack and go see the place for myself. I can't wait to see how they've presented Raven forming the world out of a beak-full of mud. And how they show Gaia emerging from Chaos (that one's probably multimedia). And how must they display MANA-YOOD-SUSHAI dreaming the world to the drumming of Skarl? The anticipation is giving me goosebumps.

And, Joe: $20.

Nathan | June 9, 2007 05:05 PM

Are there any other Whatever readers willing to make a modest donation to a Scalzish charity to compel a Creation Museum visit?

Joe, I'd be totally with you on this, but Senor Scalzi has told us repeatedly that he's immune to compulsion...

...except when it comes to In-N-Out Double Doubles

...and Chip Mates Cookie Cereal

...and Coke Zero

...and pie of seemingly any variety

...and then there was that whole beef sticks and cheese on Wonder Bread episode.

Never mind. He may have lied.

wil | June 9, 2007 06:56 PM

Nathan, all you have to do is convince some intrepid reader to make a care package, and stash it in the museum's gift shop.

"The power of double double animal style compels you!"

F-L | June 9, 2007 06:58 PM

There were dragons in the bible?

John H | June 9, 2007 07:05 PM

F-L: There were dragons in the bible?

Absolutely. Don't believe me? Would you believe Conservapedia?

And that's not all -- they say you can also find unicorns in the Bible...

CaseyL | June 9, 2007 07:32 PM

Pandagon has reported on the Creation Museum. The term "aggressive stupidity" was used more than once.

Did you know Noah's Ark was the size of a modern-day cargo ship? That's how he was able to get all the dinosaurs on board!

Why, I just marveled at that! Imagine all those years no one knew how big the Ark was, and here's the Creation Museum answering the question once and for all!

Um... was it even possible to build a boat that big back in ol' Noah's day? I mean: Noah didn't have iron, or steel. Just wood and bronze. And aren't there, um, weight-bearing limits (volume/mass equations or something) that would make it just a wee bit difficult to build a wood-and-bronze boat that size without it kinda falling apart at the midsection?

And, even if it was possible to build a wood-and-bronze boat that big... how long would it take without giant scaffolds and power tools and industrial-size factories? And how many ship-builders would you need? How many did Noah have? A couple dozen? Wouldn't they have had to be working on the damn thing for, oh, years and years? Maybe decades?

John, you need to ask the docents about this!

Steve Buchheit | June 9, 2007 08:03 PM

MY wife instructs college biology. The one lesson she dreads giving most is evolution. Not that she doesn't know the subject, and doesn't like explaining it. It's the hate that's directed back at her for teaching it. Seriously. She's had shouting in the classroom, people walking out, etc. It's not a good scene right at the moment.

And all this creation stuff, they say it's all about God. It's a complete load of crap. It's all about humans being special. It's all about humans being at the top of the animal list. This is why some are willing to accept evolution happens, but only having God directing it. Because it leads to humans being special, the end of a progression.

Jon | June 9, 2007 08:11 PM

Casey asked:

And, even if it was possible to build a wood-and-bronze boat that big... how long would it take without giant scaffolds and power tools and industrial-size factories? And how many ship-builders would you need? How many did Noah have? A couple dozen? Wouldn't they have had to be working on the damn thing for, oh, years and years? Maybe decades?


They've actually thought of this. You see, when you look at the genealogies give in Genesis, they list awfully long lives. Noah, for instance, is said to have lived for 950 years total, of which only 350 were after the flood. They believe this part of Genesis too.

CaseyL | June 9, 2007 09:12 PM

Jon, I wasn't thinking so much of their lifespan (though, really: 1000 years? and they believe that? Oy!) as the effect decades worth of heavy construction and zoo-keeping would have on the neighbors.

I don't remember Genesis in detail at all, but I seem to recall Noah's being scorned and mocked by the townsfolk.

Try spending decades building a giant boat, with all the noise and wood waste accumulating, not to mention collecting two of every animal in the world and keeping them on your property for years on end, making poop piles as tall as the Tower of Babel. Scorned and mocked? You'd be lucky not to have mobs of enraged people burning everything to the ground!

And let's say you keep telling them the Lord is gonna drown the whole world, that's why you're making such a complete mess of the neighborhood and keeping everyone up all night every night (not to mention the effect on property values, though that probably wasn't much of an issue back then).

So the neighbors (the ones still talking to you at all) say, "Really? When?" And you want to say "soon," but you've been working on the boat for nigh on 20 years so far, and it's only half-finished. Now, maybe if 1000 year lifespans are standard, 20 years isn't considered a long time, and "soon" can mean "any half-century now, you mark my words."

Sure, Noah. Or, as Bill Cosby memorably put it, "Riiight."

(Also, I don't care how long Noah lived; that still doesn't answer my question about why the Ark doesn't fall apart long before it hits water :)

That's one of the things I love about taking the Bible as literally true. Not only is the 'science' less scientific than you'd find in a good faery tale, but the people in the Bible act like no one in real life ever would. 1000 year lifespans, no tales at all about Brachiosaurus ruining the family P-Patch, and Noah can spend umpetty years building a boat impossible to build given the technology of the time without everyone he knows trying to get him committed to the local loony bin.

Carol Elaine | June 9, 2007 09:25 PM

Um... was it even possible to build a boat that big back in ol' Noah's day? I mean: Noah didn't have iron, or steel. Just wood and bronze. And aren't there, um, weight-bearing limits (volume/mass equations or something) that would make it just a wee bit difficult to build a wood-and-bronze boat that size without it kinda falling apart at the midsection?

It's simple, CaseyL - G-d helped Noah suspend the laws of physics.

Graculus | June 9, 2007 09:39 PM

see the need for an LOLRex: I can has coconut?

Ask and ye shall recieve.

Tania | June 10, 2007 02:12 AM

The girls at Smart Bitches Trashy Books are having a fake romance novel cover contest with the Adam and Eve picture as the common element.

#11 is my favorite.

CmdrSue | June 16, 2007 10:54 PM

I know I'm coming into this late, but once I heard about it I had to track down this entry and, of course, click on the link to the "museum." Is it just me... or is there something wrong with "Now Open 7 Days a Week!" Those dirty little heathens. The seventh day is a day of rest. Sometimes I think it is ignorance that annoys me the most, but then I realize that maybe it's hypocrisy... I mean, I'm a dirty little heathen, but at least I'm completely upfront about it.

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