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May 24, 2007

Warning: Me Possibly Acting Stupidly About to Commence

I'm about to try something that might blow up my site. Don't worry, I've already backed up my database. You can worry about everything else, though.

I'll let you know when my possible stupidity (at least involving this particular thing) is at an end.

Posted by john at May 24, 2007 12:02 PM

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Jon | May 24, 2007 12:07 PM

Always the best kind of warning.

JCK | May 24, 2007 12:14 PM

Excellent warning. Reminds me of Serenity:

Wash: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting.

Mal: Define "interesting".

Wash: [deadpan] Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?

Mal: [On Intercom] This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then - explode.

RooK | May 24, 2007 12:20 PM

Hero of Canton: "Explode? I don't wanna explode."

Amanda | May 24, 2007 12:26 PM

I love Serenity and Firefly. Wash is my favourite.

Randomosity: My Day Jorb has a customer in North Canton, Ohio which we ship to on an irregular basis. I have to stop myself from singing "The Hero of Canton," whenever we ship stuff or I have to call them about something.

PixelFish | May 24, 2007 12:28 PM

Wash is my favourite too.

(Random aside: Whenever I go to Best Buy, That Scene is always playing on the TVs. ALWAYS.)

Patrick | May 24, 2007 12:31 PM

I'm worried about elves attacking me with peanut butter when I walk outside. Is anything you are doing likely to increase or decrease the probablity of that scenario?

Dr. Phil | May 24, 2007 12:31 PM

Different? Notice anything different? Broken?

Nope. The sky is still its usually vermillion, the sulfuric acid clouds yellowish, the cherry bomb tree blossums look ripe enough to begin detonating, and I can still squelsch around your website using my usual left pincer claw motions, and I can still read the entire screen with all thousand of my eyes without bending my carapace at any unnatural angles. So I don't know what you were concerned about. Unless it's that unusual smell coming over port 1630. You could get arrested by the Blue Claw Police for broadcasting pheromones like that without the appropriate license from the Great Leader. But just between us crabs, we'll forgive you.

Dr. Phil

Mark | May 24, 2007 12:33 PM

@PixelFish: Lucky, whenever I go into Best Buy; the TVs always have football games on. *blech*

Naomi | May 24, 2007 12:33 PM

If only LiveJournal gave me warnings like this before going poof. *sigh*.

kevboy | May 24, 2007 12:38 PM

PixelFish: I like Wash too. I was kind of disappointed when they killed him off in the movie. I guess in a movie script, he's one of the characters that exists to get killed off. On the show, though, he was way too important (and funny!) to go like that.

Dan | May 24, 2007 12:46 PM

My girlfriend recently told me that I'm not allowed to look at the TV's at Best Buy. Apparently, I have a weakness. It started after I bought a rather pretty 42" JVC LCD number, and ten seconds after getting it all set up, the first words out my mouth were, "I think I should have gotten a bigger one."

She really didn't like that and mentioned something about getting a new dishwasher isntead of a bigger television, which lead to a smartass comment from me about how if she moved in, I'd have a new dishwasher.

Needless to say, I'm stunned I awoke the next morning with all my teeth.

Brian | May 24, 2007 12:48 PM

Apparently Scalzi needs must now mark this comment thread with a Spoiler Warning™ (though not for me... I watched & loved both Firefly an' Serenity).

Incidentally, if you watch the special features on the Serenity DVD, apparently Alan Tudyk was in complete agreement with the writer(s)/director/whomever that Wash needed to die in the movie. Found that interesting.

And, as far as I can tell, no site 'splosion has yet occurred?

Steve Buchheit | May 24, 2007 01:15 PM

Cut the RED wire, John.

Melanie Fletcher | May 24, 2007 01:23 PM

We'll crack some champagne and wait for the fireworks.

John H | May 24, 2007 01:37 PM



Jeri | May 24, 2007 01:47 PM

Is your site supposed to pop up a series of windows with pictures of your cat - butt naked - dragging dead baby bunnies onto your front doorstep?

Or is that a side effect?

Joe Garcia | May 24, 2007 01:48 PM

Red wire,blue wire-they all look gray to me.

Pat J | May 24, 2007 01:48 PM

Red wire, blue wire, cut 'em both. With an axe.

Stephen Granade | May 24, 2007 01:50 PM

When the site comes back, all entries and comments will be translated either into leet-speak or lolkitteh.

deCadmus | May 24, 2007 02:35 PM

@Patrick:I'm worried about elves attacking me with peanut butter when I walk outside. Is anything you are doing likely to increase or decrease the probablity of that scenario?

Don't be silly. There's no such thing as peanut butter.

Chang, for rizzle. | May 24, 2007 02:41 PM

Damnit! The lights just flickered acouple of times and then everything suddenly shifted a few inches to the left!


Carol Elaine | May 24, 2007 02:44 PM

Wash. *sniff*

JCK | May 24, 2007 03:23 PM

SPOILERS for Serenity:

They show *THAT SCENE* at Best Buy? That would be infuriating for someone who plans to see the movie. I read a review on AICN before the release that mentioned that there were 2 deaths, and that alone kind of ruined the impact of them for me.

James | May 24, 2007 03:42 PM

Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!

Chang, for rizzle. | May 24, 2007 03:47 PM

Is this a bad time to say how disappointed I was with Serenity?


My favorite thing about it was Gina Torres. Great actress and she's married to demigod Laurence Fishburne.

JJS | May 24, 2007 04:44 PM

Good Lord, I agree with Chang. That is frightening. I just couldn't deal with space ships between planets and 18th century technology on planets. It makes no sense whatsoever. And why are the episodes not in order on the DVDs?

iain | May 24, 2007 04:57 PM

Is acting stupidly allowed on the internet?

Errol | May 24, 2007 05:06 PM

And why are the episodes not in order on the DVDs?

They are in order on the DVD.
Why would you want the lamest episode first?

Peter Burd | May 24, 2007 05:18 PM

Er, I actually haven't seen Serenity yet ...


hugh57 | May 24, 2007 05:22 PM


Steve Buchheit | May 24, 2007 05:25 PM

JJS "I just couldn't deal with space ships between planets and 18th century technology on planets. It makes no sense whatsoever."


Carol Elaine | May 24, 2007 05:39 PM

JCK, I think the scene that's shown in Best Buy is the one you quoted. Which I LOVE!

Chang, Gina Torres would make me pinch hit for the other team (I'm a straight girl). She is so many levels of HAWT. And Nathan Fillion is so purty!

(Sorry, anything affiliated with Joss Whedon's work turns me into a squealing schoolgirl.)

MWT | May 24, 2007 05:39 PM

... and the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight!

Bearpaw | May 24, 2007 05:41 PM

JJS "I just couldn't deal with space ships between planets and 18th century technology on planets. It makes no sense whatsoever."


That and just because it was a fun juxtaposition. I mean, a starship captain wearing a full-length browncoat, a starship cargo hold full of cattle ...

Jeff Hentosz | May 24, 2007 06:02 PM


"Embarq? Yeah, this is John Scalzi again. Y'know, I'm usually a wiz with this stuff, but when I tried to upgrade my spam filters today, my blog turned into a Firefly fan site. Right. Uh, huh. So, how do I put it back like it was? Yes, I have a pen ready... Go down into the hatch and turn the key? Oka-- hey!"

Aaaaand, scene.

PZ Myers | May 24, 2007 06:28 PM

Eh? Scalzi announcing that he's going to do something stupid?

Isn't that superfluous? I thought that's what everybody was reading this site for. I know I have been!

Jim Wright | May 24, 2007 06:30 PM

Warning: Me Possibly Acting Stupidly About to Commence. If only our government came with a warning like that. In fact I can think of a number of folks that should have that stenciled on their foreheads.

So far though, everything appears to be normal - or so it seems...

RitaInHood | May 24, 2007 06:34 PM

Apparently, right after Serenty hit the theaters, the Sci fi podcast "Slice of Sci Fi" announcers were gabbing away and one of them said something about Wash Dies. Now, the movie hadn't been out for a week yet, and SoSF target audience is the same as Serenty's target viewers. Boy, were some people pissed.

So to get even, a group of firefly fans made up a batch of mudders milk and forced the podcasts hosts to consume. From the sound of the retching, it wasn't pretty.

Oh, and the guys that do SoSF also do the Dragon Page, on which our beloved Scalzi was just interviewed. Links for the curious:



Steve Buchheit | May 24, 2007 06:36 PM

Jim Wright, I have it tattooed under my hairline, does that count?

Jim Wright | May 24, 2007 06:53 PM

Steve, that'll do just fine.

And the cool thing is now that you come with a printed warning, if anybody gets hurt by your (possibly) stupid action, well it's their own dammed fault. No lawyer can touch you.

Go, act stupidly with impunity!

Anne C. | May 24, 2007 07:01 PM

I have not watched Serenity since I saw it the first time. Still traumatized, since I learned to love Firefly by watching the DVDs. (It makes SO much more sense to watch them in the proper order (a la the DVDs)!) And this isn't the first time I've refused to accept a finale's totally useless "shocker". Enterprise anyone?
Wash is awesome and Zoe is (as Carol Elaine mentioned) super HAWT. I like the juxtaposition of western and scifi, mainly because it's cool and I don't need everything in fiction to be totally worked out to the n-th degree.

I'm not apologetic at all that we've hijacked the site. It's just as gripping as the Coke v. Pepsi War, so there. :P

(Nice tie in to Lost, Jeff Hentosz.)

Carol Elaine | May 24, 2007 08:02 PM

Oh, I misread PixelFish's comment. I didn't notice that "That Scene" was capitalized. So, yeah, I think it's the one you're thinking of, JCK. Which would piss me the hell off.

When I saw it (on HBO, I think), I jumped up on my couch and screamed, "NO!!!", then stared at the TV screen for the rest of the movie.

I've since seen Serenity numerous times, so I finally watched the end.

(Psst - wanna see something Super Purty? Check this out. Warning - slightly of the NSFW variety.)

Dan | May 24, 2007 09:39 PM

The outtakes and bloopers for Serenity were the best. I loved the one where Mal comes charging out when they're tying bodies to the ship and talks about the kid who's taking a "dirt nap with baby Jesus," and how he wants to turn him into a hood ornament.

I have to watch that one again now... Hilarious.

Steve Buchheit | May 24, 2007 10:28 PM

Jim Wright, way ahead of you there.

La Gringa | May 24, 2007 11:35 PM

Please to be not so much of the blowing up, as your blog is one of the few high points of my day, especially in the past two or three weeks...

Bill Blum | May 25, 2007 06:01 AM

Jeff Hentosz, you forgot the seemingly inevitable escalation that seems to result anytime a Non-Obvious problem gets a ticket opened at Embarq...

Patrick | May 25, 2007 08:38 AM

How come whenever I click on this page, a monkey runs out of my closet and throws poo at my monitor?

John Scalzi | May 25, 2007 08:42 AM

That's a feature, not a bug.

Steve Buchheit | May 25, 2007 08:43 AM

Patrick, we can't replicate your problem here in technical support...

deCadmus | May 25, 2007 10:08 AM

...much as we might *like* to be able to replicate that particular issue. I mean, who wouldn't want a monkey that flings poo on demand?

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