« Four Things | Main | DC Says Hi »

May 08, 2007

An Early Birthday Present From Me to You: "Pluto Tells All"

My birthday isn't until Thursday, but I got you something early and don't want to wait to share it. It's a short story I wrote, called "Pluto Tells All," in which our most famous dwarf planet gets candid about life, the universe and everything, in the style of Esquire magazine's "What I've Learned" articles. I had fun writing it.

Best of all, it's webscab-tastically free for you to read! Because, hey, I'm giving that way (actually, it's Subterranean Magazine Online that is giving that way. But, you know. It works out to the same thing).

Here it is. Enjoy.

Posted by john at May 8, 2007 03:54 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:


Steve Buchheit | May 8, 2007 04:25 PM

For me? And it isn't even International Pixel-Stained day. Thanks, John. And, shucks, I didn't get you anything.

Happy early b-day.

Dr. Phil | May 8, 2007 04:44 PM

Somebody has Phil Collins issues, and I don't think it's Pluto. Methinks you must've been caught in an elevator one too many times with that whole "Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, woo-ooo" bit.

Messy private life, from what "news" I remember, but I like a lot of his music with and without the boys from Genesis.

Dr. Phil

Kate | May 8, 2007 04:53 PM

That was great. I honestly felt bad for poor Pluto. Elementary Kids must be so confused at Science Fair Season.

"No, I'm sorry Timmy, because we don't have the money to buy new science books, I'm going to have to dock you a grade for getting your badly painted, environmentally unfriendly Styrofoam model of the solar system wrong. The medal goes to Johnny for his extremely accurate and working Van De Graff generator that his parents didn't build for him."

"Aww shucks!"

Speaking of Disney, Happy Unbirthday today, and I'll be sure to congratulation you on Thurs.

Scott Elyard | May 8, 2007 05:10 PM

Funny and brilliant. Thank you.

(And, happy birthday!)

Carol Elaine | May 8, 2007 05:34 PM

I'll just consider it a belated b-day present (mine was two weeks ago) - thanks, John! It goes perfectly with my other Pluto stuff!

Funny how Pluto is taking this whole demotion thing better than I am...

Carol Elaine | May 8, 2007 05:35 PM

BTW, happy early birthday!

Schloi | May 8, 2007 07:36 PM

Happy Birthday!! Pluto needs to get a better agent, it doesn't get in that many movies, it should contact who-ever has been working with mars, mars gets in movies all the time

Suzanne M | May 8, 2007 08:16 PM

Aww, I have an irrational fondness for Pluto, so that made me very happy. Pluto will always be a planet to me. My planet, in fact, since I'm a Scorpio.

All the Pluto-lovers have heard Jonathan Coulton's "I'm Your Moon", right? Right?

Happy early birthday!

Laszlo | May 8, 2007 08:54 PM

Why thank you John.
And since I foresaw your gift to us, loyal whatever visitors or in my case regular lurker, I thought I'd get you a present too so I bought the mass market paperback edition of the Ghost Brigades up here in Brampton, Canada. Happy Birthday!

Adam Rakunas | May 9, 2007 12:58 AM

Man, you had me at "Phil Collins sucks." Happy birthday!

F-L | May 9, 2007 09:12 AM

Very funny! And Happy Birthday!

marciepooh1976 | May 9, 2007 10:13 AM

Loved it. Happy Birthday!

Tim Walker | May 9, 2007 10:50 AM

Outstanding! And you got the Esquire tone down . . .

Adam Ziegler | May 9, 2007 12:46 PM

That was fun. Thanks!

Eric B | May 9, 2007 05:00 PM

How upset would you be if I told you my wife used to think Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" was a Phil Collins song?

Chang, the real O.C. | May 9, 2007 05:41 PM

Eric B for President!

Lauren in Los Angeles | May 9, 2007 08:12 PM

That was a fabulous interview. Did Athena get to be part of the process? I'd love to see what she'd say to the Pluto-hayta after meeting with the Dwarf Planet!

Anonymous | May 9, 2007 09:12 PM

Thanks Scalzi. Fun stuff! And thanks to the Subterraneans too!

Chang, for some twisted reason I'm wondering if you meant Eric the half a Bee...

Chang, for rizzle. | May 9, 2007 09:30 PM

Some freak from a menagerie?

Zeynep | May 10, 2007 09:29 AM

I laughed. I grinned. I snickered, and I laughed some more. And I needed it, too.

Thank you. And a late happy birthday.

Post a comment.

Comments are moderated to stop spam; if your comment goes into moderation, it may take a couple of hours to be released. Please read this for my comment moderation policies.
Preview will not show paragraph breaks. Trust me, they're there.
The proprietor generally responds to commenters in kind. If you're polite, he'll be polite. If you're a jackass, he'll be a jackass. If you are ignorant, he may correct you.
When in doubt, read the comment thread rules.

Remember Me?

(you may use HTML tags for style)