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April 08, 2007

I Hate Flying

My 12:10pm flight today has been delayed until 11:00pm tonight, and all things being equal, I imagine the airport gods will find some way to poke and taunt me some more. So who knows when I'll actually get home.

Here, have an open thread. To get you started: Write a haiku about flying. Here's mine:

Stupid airport gods
Why won't you let me go home?
This Easter just sucks.

Your turn.

Posted by john at April 8, 2007 05:24 PM

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Josh Jasper | April 8, 2007 05:37 PM

Where did the rain go?
There was sun in Ireland
And in London too!

Back in N.Y.C.
There was foul weather and snow!
Good vacation choice.

Anonymous | April 8, 2007 06:21 PM

LAX is Home
Stuck between thein weather gods, Oy
Lament, those Airport Gods

Ben Doom | April 8, 2007 06:23 PM

A big metal tube
Hurtling through the skyways.
Are you kidding me?

I travel by air,
Or that's what they tell me.
Does this airport fly?

Gina Black | April 8, 2007 06:30 PM

High up in the air
I fly without an airplane
Or is it just my mind?

Dean | April 8, 2007 06:52 PM

Sandwiched between them
Big fat guy, couple with child
I am flying coach

CaseyL | April 8, 2007 06:57 PM

Scalzi's homeward bound
Scalzi's luggage, not so much -
It's gone to Tampa

Jim Winter | April 8, 2007 07:11 PM

Delta Airlines you
torment me in Atlanta
stranding me all night

Dean | April 8, 2007 07:20 PM

I sit in the plane
Waiting two hours for takeoff
Seatbelt sign is on

chang, who is not chang | April 8, 2007 07:31 PM

Beauteous Ghlaghghee
Scalzi where are my pictures
Lopsided Cat rocks

The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club

chang, who is not chang | April 8, 2007 07:33 PM

Oh, it was supposed to be about flying.


Christopher Hawley | April 8, 2007 07:41 PM

Schedules designed to
maximize efficiency
cause twelve hour delay.

Christian | April 8, 2007 08:08 PM

Cabin pressure loss

Masks descend from the ceiling

No bacon for John...

Thena | April 8, 2007 08:32 PM

Four hour delay
on tarmac in thunderstorm:
I hate JFK.

My luggage went home.
I went to Cincinnati
instead of my bed.

Nathan | April 8, 2007 08:37 PM

One, Two, Three, Four, Five,
Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 'leven.
Twelve hours on the ground.

John H | April 8, 2007 08:49 PM

Stuck in the airport
Waiting for my flight to board
Hopefully today

Randomscrub | April 8, 2007 08:57 PM

Pastor almost caused
liturgical inferno
borrowed cope is safe

Jp | April 8, 2007 08:59 PM

Pressure differentials
Are enough to levitate
metal? Are you sure?

Anonymous | April 8, 2007 09:01 PM

Six syllables in
the first line (perhaps seven)?
Sorry. My mistake.

Jp | April 8, 2007 09:04 PM

Now I've forgotten
To sign the above haiku.
Perhaps it's bedtime.

Owlmirror | April 8, 2007 09:22 PM

Computers gossip:
"Look! It's a sci-fi writer!"
"Let us mess with him!"


Mary Dell | April 8, 2007 09:23 PM

Again I clutch you,
companion of all landings,
dear air-sickness bag.

Omaha Lisa | April 8, 2007 09:27 PM

Hail, o airport gods!
Please finesse the flight schedules;
I want to go home!

RG | April 8, 2007 10:14 PM

The crawling columns
At the security gate
Remind me of ants

Only difference
We're not trapped in glass and sand
At least, I hope not

Bobarino | April 8, 2007 10:28 PM

Neither rain, nor sleet,
nor snow, nor wind, nor dead of ...
OK, maybe snow.

COD | April 8, 2007 10:41 PM

Flying tomorrow
Coast to coast on Jet Blue Air
Life sucks then you fly

Bookninja | April 8, 2007 10:47 PM

Ice storm in Nashville
Only one deicing truck
Fours hours sitting

Sciatia pain
Sitting, waiting for luggage
But no more Vioxx

Ann | April 8, 2007 11:32 PM

Who’s to say which moves.
The passengers, or the earth
Below. I wonder?

Impossible? Flight
Heavier than air, aloft?
How about the birds?

Lisa | April 9, 2007 01:01 AM

My dream is someday
Beaming will replace flying
But I'll likely have died.

Lisa | April 9, 2007 01:04 AM

"I'll likely be dead"
Has five syllables instead
I said in my head

J.D. Finch | April 9, 2007 03:49 AM

Schedule butchery
While bringing home the bacon
Co-opts the sizzle.*

*Fo shizzle.

Chang, for rizzle. | April 9, 2007 07:45 AM

Bad fear of flying
Atavan is my new friend
No brains when we land

Steve Buchheit | April 9, 2007 08:58 AM

Flying is not planes
it's hassel, shuffle and flow
the tote board will lie

Emily | April 9, 2007 09:33 AM

No free in-flight snacks?
Five bucks for fruit and some chips?
I'll just bring my own.

Andrew Kantor | April 9, 2007 09:42 AM

Silver wings above
But they do not carry me
Stuck at gate seven

John H | April 9, 2007 09:45 AM

Spam is getting through
Nobody here to kill it
John must be asleep

John H | April 9, 2007 09:48 AM

Flying is a chore
Get there hours in advance
Just to sit and wait

Dlgreen | April 9, 2007 09:55 AM

Thunderstorms delay
Never fly through Chicago
Find my luggage now

Tor | April 9, 2007 10:00 AM

It clearly wasn't the ariport gods. First, the spam lords cause Scalzi to be delayed, then, they invade Whatever, posting their missives to the masses. I'm sure they love it when a plan comes together.

Tor | April 9, 2007 10:03 AM

Oops - not in Haiku form.

First, Scalzi is trapped
Then we invade Whatever
Come look at my patent.

John H | April 9, 2007 10:20 AM

Don't click on 'patent'
or 'evden eve nakliyat'.
They are just blog spam.

Steve Buchheit | April 9, 2007 10:24 AM

flashing "patent" link
begs to be clicked to see it
now stuck in spam hell

John H | April 9, 2007 10:25 AM

The next spam filter
will reject all but haiku.
Spam won't stand a chance!

Steve Buchheit | April 9, 2007 11:33 AM

then spammers evolve
haiku automation now
filter goes bye-bye

Steve Buchheit | April 9, 2007 11:35 AM

red-eye flight homeward
hope ingnites cities to flame
civility burns

Justme | April 9, 2007 11:56 AM

delay opens door
reader talent is unleashed
many ways to fly

Chang, the real O.C. | April 9, 2007 11:56 AM

God damn I hate plane!
"The fuck you doin' on my plane?"
Chill in custody.

rayyy | April 9, 2007 12:03 PM

I love flying. It's the stuff on the ground I can't stand.

So, with that said:

Looking down at ground
Worries are lost far below
But quickly they rise

theophylact | April 9, 2007 12:59 PM

Saturday morning.
Snow on the cherry blossoms!
Global warming hoax?

Don | April 9, 2007 01:44 PM

Proof that bad haiku is easy:

is home
en route.

Adam Rakunas | April 9, 2007 02:15 PM

Please don't frisk my ass:
Your gloved hands frighten my soul.
No Fly List? Bullshit!

Wednesday | April 9, 2007 02:36 PM

Shoes off for screening,
Belt, watch, sweater in bin. Next
time I'll go naked.

Jeff VanderMeer | April 9, 2007 04:01 PM

Bad sushi
Buddy Holly plane
Winter comes

Adrienne | April 9, 2007 04:33 PM

Flying is lovely.
Being stuck in airport sucks.
Where's my flying car?

Suzanne Palmer | April 9, 2007 04:42 PM

Like ants seen from up on high.
Squish them! Squish them all!

Queenie | April 9, 2007 04:43 PM

Terminal Eighteen
Looks, feels, smells, exactly like
Dante's Inferno

Owlmirror | April 9, 2007 05:27 PM

Up, up, and away!
Superman needs no airplane
Mere mortals fly coach

TerryB | April 9, 2007 05:46 PM

My darling first son
Frozen by security
May never see home

Scorpio | April 9, 2007 07:22 PM

Airports have airplanes
I hate to fly but more,
I hate to be searched.

TSA makes trouble:
"See the fat old white lady
Proves we don't profile!"

Scorpio | April 9, 2007 08:49 PM

[I hate to fly but much more]


Jo Walton | April 10, 2007 07:51 AM

Airport delays suck
But you fly home like a god
Riding a contrail.

Dave Pittman | April 10, 2007 10:27 AM

Poop in blue on stainless steel
Salisbury death

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