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March 20, 2007

These Are Made of Awesome. And Fat

Forwarded to me by someone who knows my love of bacon and cheese: Deep Fried Bacon, Cheese and Beer Dog. My arteries are clogging just thinking about it.

It comes with pictures. Oh, yes.

Posted by john at March 20, 2007 03:03 PM

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Christian | March 20, 2007 03:23 PM

The younger folks here won't get this, but I'll quote Fred Sanford, from "Sanford and Son" (70's TV show)

"This is the big one!"

[clutches chest]

PixelFish | March 20, 2007 03:32 PM

What you need is Poutine topped with Bacon. That's arteriosclerosis in a styrofoam bucket.

Gary Pilkington | March 20, 2007 03:36 PM

Nice link John. "Guy Food" at its finest!


KevinQ | March 20, 2007 03:41 PM

On a related note, I wrapped cheese in asparagus, wrapped that in beef, and then wrapped that in bacon. Unfortunately, I baked them instead of deep-frying them, but they were still tasty. I've got pictures on my flickr site.


marciepooh | March 20, 2007 03:42 PM

Guy food?? I'm thinking I may actually need a deep fryer.

Gotta love food that can clog arties from a far.

MWT | March 20, 2007 03:46 PM


I think I feel a heart attack coming on...

Amanda | March 20, 2007 04:01 PM

Oh my god. (Becky, look at her butt.)

I don't like beer, but that might actually be a tasty use for it. Sort of like beer & cheese soup.

But then again, you can't beat poutine. Best (and only) use of gravy EVER.

Chuck Wahl | March 20, 2007 04:11 PM

After viewing the pictures I believe that my arteries have gone on strike.

On a side note, I believe that whoever invented the process of deep frying cheese for an appetizer should receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

Ray | March 20, 2007 04:25 PM

That looks very much like fried Berner Wurstel. Actually more like a Berner Wurstel Schnitzel.
For more info go here.

This link is VERY interesting because you can also check out some Bacon air freshener for your car as well as bacon soap. BUT there is a picture of Berner Wurstel in there...REALLY.

Marja | March 20, 2007 04:43 PM

I think I just gained a few kilograms.

I haven't commented before, although I have been reading Whatever for a while. Just wanted to tell that number 307 of 'You're not fooling anyone etc' just reached Finland safely.

Laurie Mann | March 20, 2007 04:52 PM

Don't forget, if you drink red wine, it's beneficial for your heart.

Not sure what to recommend with a deep-fried hot dog and cheese though.

Chang, for rizzle. | March 20, 2007 04:53 PM

MY heart does a very slow WHUMP just looking at that. Oh my freaking god.

I'm too old to eat stuff like that. Sadly.

John Klima | March 20, 2007 04:59 PM

Hey Scalzi:
If you have some free time at Wiscon I can take you to Dotty's Dumpling Dowry where you can get fried cheese curd and fried mac 'n' cheese as appetizers. Yum!
John Klima

critter42 | March 20, 2007 05:27 PM

I just rationalize it by reminding myself that *if done correctly*, deep frying does not make a food higher in fat...yeah, that's the ticket! :)

Ray | March 20, 2007 05:54 PM

I'm telling you. This website was made *JUST* for you and the Whatever readers.
God bless the Internet.


Jess | March 20, 2007 06:04 PM

Wow just when you think someone has reached the pinnacle of deep fried something that will give you a heart attack just looking at it, someone dreams up something even more deadly and delicious.

In other thoughts on deep frying my parents are planning to go to the French Laundry which one of the greatest fine dining establishemnts in the US, and also one of the most expensive (250 a person, before wine) and I was jokng with my dad that maybe they serve deep fried dollar bills on the menu.

Jamie Chew | March 20, 2007 06:47 PM

Those would go great with a cup of honey!

This entry reminded me of a humorous web gem my husband and I discovered years ago at http://www.spril.com/spril/spril0801/#pdog. However, when I went searching for that (fictional)peanut dog article today, I discovered that someone actually has made peanut butter filled hot dogs. And I felt the pricking of my thumbs....

Eddie Clark | March 20, 2007 06:49 PM

See, the thing that creeps me out most about that is not the artery-clogging saturated fat (oh how delicious!), its the spray cheese. I mean you can't even buy that in my little backwater country.

Spray. Cheese. In a can. I mean come on. Is it cheese? Is it plastic? Is it silly string? Seems to be one of the most inadvisable foodstuffs (in the loosest sense of the word) ever invented.

Ed Powell | March 20, 2007 07:10 PM

What I want is someone to try my latest Culinary Mad Science idea.

You know what a Chile Rellano is: take a good sized chile, stuff it with cheese, give it some sort of batter and deep fry. In very simplistic terms.

I say marry the idea with the Scotch Egg:

Take a good sized chile, stuff it with cheese, then wrap it in sausage, bread it, and deep fry. I give you the Scottish Rellano.

Jim Wright | March 20, 2007 07:23 PM

Deep Fried. Beer Battered. Cheese Filled. Bacon Wrapped. Hot Dog.

Well, I suppose its okay, as long as you're getting your fiber intake from tobacco and washing the whole mess down with a Jolt Cola while driving really fast and talking on your cell phone.

I suspect that if you even think about making one of these, your life insurance policy flatlines immediately.

Kristine Smith | March 20, 2007 07:23 PM

It's perfect convention food--fills you up when you have back-to-back-to-back panels and multiple get-togethers lined up.

Besides, a beer cuts/emulsifies the fat, so it's all good.

Stephen Granade | March 20, 2007 07:39 PM

An intern at The Stranger posted of his experiment with these and feeding them to the paper's staff.

The grossest part was feeling the hot dog get plumper as it filled with toothpaste-like generic "cheese."

It's the "plumper" bit in that sentence that makes my stomach loop queasily.

Neil | March 20, 2007 08:01 PM

Comrade Scalzi: Since you're going to be in Iowa City in May, there's a place just around the corner from the bookstore you're appearing at called Atlas World Grill. They have a BBQ Pork burrito that'll knock you dead (figuratively)! It has garlic mashed potatoes, BBQ pulled pork and cole slaw all wrapped into a burrito, drizzled in BBQ sauce, & covered in thin-sliced onion rings. Yeah, it's not bacon, but still damn good.

...then there's also the Iowa State Fair, where you can get almost any type of food deep fat fried on a stick...mmmmmm, deep fried Snickers...ON A STICK!

Nick Stump | March 20, 2007 08:19 PM

Forget the hot dog. Bread and fry a dozen nice oysters. Take a beef tenderloin, cut one and half to two inch fillets from the large end of the tenderloin. Take boning knife or fillet knife, (has to be sharp and it helps if the meat is cool) and cut a big pocket in the fillet, fill pocket with fried oysters--grill no more than medium rare, just to where the beef blood heats up and percolates into the oysters. If you're gonna kill yourself, do it with the right gun.

Then John, if you must, swirl with canned cheese and add bacon. Jeez...


Jon | March 20, 2007 08:24 PM

Re: The comments about heart attacks and early death.

I have never in my life made any effort to limit intake of fat, which is where all the flavor resides. I have not died. At about age 45, I had a cardiac stress test, and the doctor said my circulatory system was more like one expected in a 25-year-old. I grow weary of being told I will die next week unless I limit my diet to salad without dressing and skinless tasteless chicken breasts. The beer I can do without, but these other delicacies sound yummy.

Domenick of the Terrified Arteries | March 20, 2007 09:01 PM

I have devoured entire boxes of Twinkies with little regard for cholesterol, good or bad. I have even swilled my body weight in beer, but I have never, ever experienced such artery-shaking fear as when I saw those fried piles of pork by-products. Oh, the stomach queases, the salivary glands protest. I wonder if those concoctions qualify as biological weapons under the Geneva convention?

Anonymous | March 20, 2007 10:29 PM


I just rationalize it by reminding myself that *if done correctly*, deep frying does not make a food higher in fat...yeah, that's the ticket! :)

Technically, I'm not sure you actually could make this food higher in fat than it already is. I mean, it appears to have reach some sort of quantumly stable fat saturation level before the first fry-bath.

Linda Kuzma | March 20, 2007 11:35 PM

Ok, I have to bite here. If you don't have the means (large pot, lots of oil) to make this deep fried bacon cheese and beer dog, try this variation. Slice a hotdog lengthwise, insert a slice of american cheese (folded in half to break the cheese into the right shape), close the hotdog and wrap with a thick slice of bacon, wrap the whole thing in one of those crescent rolls that come in an exploding can. Actually it takes two, just don't tear them on the diagonal perforation, so they stay in a square shape. Bake for about 20 minutes at 350. Bwaahahaha. Best food my mom ever made!

Lee | March 21, 2007 03:10 AM

You haven't tried a cardiac dare until you try a pitcher of beer while munching a whole piece of pig knuckle.


This could be a Dick Cheney life altering experience.

Ray | March 21, 2007 07:16 AM

That would be Stelze an Austrian/German specialty.
One of the favorite Vienna past times is to go to the Prater at The Schwiezer Haus and drink beer and eat Stelze. Decadent to the core. Schwiezer Haus opens next week and I'M SO THERE!!!

Wakboth | March 21, 2007 09:02 AM

These look actually tasty, in a horribly fatty way, but... spray cheese? Good Lord.

Also, what are you supposed to do with the hot dog innards that are left over?

KevinQ | March 21, 2007 09:26 AM

Now, I do love me the artificial cheese-stuffs, and spray cheese in a can is even better. However, those hotdogs look ready-made to be stuffed with string cheese - you know, the mozzarella cheese that comes in "sticks" from which you peel strings of cheesy goodness.

I think that would make those perfect.


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