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March 19, 2007

Proof I Am Drinking Far Too Much Codeine -Based Cough Syrup

I swear to you I did a big, self-pleasuring post about this review of The Last Colony at SF Signal, but after I posted it, it disappeared. I can't find it anywhere. Which leads me to wonder: Did I hallucinate writing it? Did I hallucinate reading the review? Is all of life simply a dream of a dream and when we wake up we find ourselves a beautiful butterfly, released from the tears of this world? Also, when I go to rehab, can I room next to Britney Spears? I hear she's sucking down a case of Coca-Cola a day there. She can be my dealer.

I'm in a weird space, man. And that's all I'm gonna say about that. Go read the review.

Posted by john at March 19, 2007 10:46 AM

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Becca | March 19, 2007 11:29 AM

I saw it in my feed yesterday. Don't know where it went though.

John Scalzi | March 19, 2007 11:35 AM

I didn't write it until today! Weird.

Kate | March 19, 2007 11:39 AM

Interesting review. Hoping to get my hands on the book when it comes out.

I'm still disappointed you won't be writing more of the John Perry/Jane Sagan universe, only because I enjoyed them so much, but can completely understand you don't want to be like the typecast actor who can't seem to get a job doing anything else. (aka Screech)

There was one unfortunately obvious foreshadowing of the ending which, partly for selfish reasons, was bittersweet.

Don't make me go all Annie Wilkes on your ass. ;)

John Scalzi | March 19, 2007 11:42 AM

You guessed it! Everyone dies! Everyone! In a horrible BrainPal accident!

Steve Buchheit | March 19, 2007 11:50 AM

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.

Pretty soon, man, you're going to be seeing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds if you keep this up.

Say, haven't a lot of the presidential hopefuls (of the US presidency) admitted past wrongs. Is that what this is? You're coming out about abusing cough syrup? Is this actualy another SFWA post?

Steve Buchheit | March 19, 2007 12:25 PM

Besides, everybody know it's caffeine that cause temporal displacement, not prescription drugs.

Norayr | March 19, 2007 12:26 PM

When you go to Amazon.com and enter John Scalzi and the title of the book (TLC) you see that there is already a 5 star rating but when you actually click on the book to read the review it is not there. Strange coincidence isn't it ?

Cassie | March 19, 2007 12:30 PM

I've held the Lulu version of TLC in my hands, so in theory it exists, but temporal inversions may have messed up the space time continuum - again - and who knows what happened to the book. John may have to write it again.

John Scalzi | March 19, 2007 12:33 PM

Cassie actually read the last line of that version of the book, which may or may not be the last line of the current version of the book, which I'm saying just to MESS WITH HER HEAD.

tobias s buckell | March 19, 2007 12:40 PM


Old Jarhead | March 19, 2007 12:41 PM

The comment in the review about regretting that this is the last we will see of the Perry/Jane/Zoe characters is a poignant reminder that good writers create characters that become real to us. We feel as if we know them, we share their emotions and we feel a sense of ownership.

The first SF story I read that grabbed hold of me and shook me was Tom Godwin's "Cold Equations". I wrote a beseeching letter to the author begging him to write a sequel that would provide a dues ex machina to save the little sister. The ending was just impossibly sad and unfair.

There is an entire cottage industry of deconstruction and criticism of that little story out there, but that crisis and the resolution were as real to me and created emotions as real as any actual set of facts.

Good job, John. Despite the fact that, as you remind us, you are primarily a quaestuary, the byproduct is certainly enjoyable and well worth the investment.

Old Jarhead

Cassie | March 19, 2007 12:41 PM

Now, John, I've played fair. No one but you and my kids knew that I read the last three pages so I know the ending that YOU CANNOT CHANGE so that people would not be harassing me to spill the beans, especially on your site.

But now the first person who asks, I'll tell them.

Whether or not it will be the truth is now in question, JUST TO MESS WITH YOUR HEAD.

[wondering what Chang would do in this situation]

tobias s buckell | March 19, 2007 12:42 PM

I completely misread your post and thought you'd misplaced the review, so like an idiot I posted the link to it as the realization of what you really posted filtered through into my brain. You can just delete these two if you'd like, and I"m going to go back to bed, b/c I think I did not get enough sleep.

John H | March 19, 2007 12:50 PM

This is what happens when you take the blue pill instead of the red one...

John Scalzi | March 19, 2007 01:01 PM


"Whether or not it will be the truth is now in question, JUST TO MESS WITH YOUR HEAD."

Is this the way we want to play it? FINE. Here's the last line in the book:

"And then John Perry woke up -- had it all been a dream? It was! Or WAS IT????!??!!!!???ONE??!!!111??!!"

I wish I hadn'ta had to do that.

Cassie | March 19, 2007 01:03 PM

Yes, but I know WHERE John WOKE UP and WITH WHOM!!!11111!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!

Steve Buchheit | March 19, 2007 01:04 PM

John, it didn't work for Dallas, and hey, we all had Victoria Principal to distract us from all the handwaving.

Kate | March 19, 2007 01:23 PM

So wait, John's not dead? But...but... you just said everyone dies in a freak brain pal accident! OMG,WTF?!!!!

I bet the whole "Darth Vader is Luke's father" crap you tried to feed me awhile back is b.s. too.

P.s It didn't work for Roseanne or Newhart either.

Cassie | March 19, 2007 01:27 PM

I thought the Newhart version was pretty funny.

Kate | March 19, 2007 01:40 PM

Ah, I just say that because as everyone loved it, I kinda felt cheated. However, I was probably just being sentimental because the series was over.

Howevah, Roseanne's dream came a few seasons too late. ;)

Steve Buchheit | March 19, 2007 01:43 PM

Kate, I have to agree with Cassie, the Newhart series end was classic. But then, that was it, it wasn't a series reset, like Dallas. And the comment about wearing sweaters more often, I still chuckle over that.

ordinarygirl | March 19, 2007 03:49 PM

Damn you, Scalzi! I was doing perfectly fine drinking water today when you had to mention Coca-Cola. I resisted for about 15.5 seconds before grabbing a dollar and heading to the nearest vending machine. And now I'm losing myself in its dark, caffinated delights.

But it sounds like I'm going to really enjoy TLC, so I'll forgive you.. this time.

John Scalzi | March 19, 2007 03:55 PM


Cherikooka | March 19, 2007 04:15 PM

You're freaking me out man.

Chang, for rizzle. | March 19, 2007 04:19 PM

Uh, Cassie, I'd probably make a nice cup of tea and put off going to the market to buy stuff for dinner.

Maybe I'm just slow today.

Jim Wright home again | March 19, 2007 06:45 PM

Uh Huh. I think Steve Buchheit hit the nail on the head with his Lucy in teh sky with Diamonds ref. Isn't it always this way? Just the like the Beatles, Scalzi started out all clean cut and wholesome, then came fame and now it all starts to fall apart. First its something innocuous like cough syrup and running for public office, then next thing you know he's all strung out on coke (the drink, wink wink) and bacon. Next it'll be a trip to meet a guru in Tibet to "find" himself. After years of wild parties, blog groupies and cold medicine abuse, his writing becomes more and more disconnected from reality as he "experiments" with the media and his publisher desperately keeps reissuing his first couple of books with new covers.

Once again the tragically sad cycle of destruction associated with writers and cold medicine.

I'll get the Wikipedia update.

Steve Buchheit | March 19, 2007 07:06 PM

Jim Glad Your home, yeah, Coke the drink, like John Lennon in the movie version of Hard Day's Night.

B Reed | March 19, 2007 08:50 PM

The last page Of TLC:

The delegation from the Super powerful Aliens walk up to John Perry and ask him if he is the one who made 'Willie Wheelie' he answeres yes, they all bow down to him and crown him their leader.

After all if someone asks you if you designed the brilliant 'Willie Wheelie' campaign, you say, "Yes!"

Also Jane gets a new brainpal and writes the best human love poetry of all time.

glinda | March 19, 2007 09:00 PM

Old Jarhead: quaestuary sent me to the dictionary sites. You've done that to me once before, too. I am seriously impressed - nobody has done that to me for... I can't even remember how long.

Cassie | March 19, 2007 10:05 PM

Kate, there's a hidden message in here.

John's not dead, it's Paul. It's encoded in the Beatles reference.

I'm with Glinda - I was googling quaestuary too.

Miscellaneous Steve | March 20, 2007 01:22 PM

I'm with Glinda - I was googling quaestuary too.

I love learning new words. New words are...like...cool...'n' stuff.

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