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March 16, 2007

The Mockery! It's Begun!

Jon Hansen, bless his black little heart, makes an excellent campaign poster for me:

The mad elf CEO resurfaces! Best of all Amanda Dowum (who made the lovely tiara you see here) has said she'd make me an official SFWA president tiara. I do so love a good tiara.

For all of Jon Hansen's excellent work, I feel that the picture does not quite capture the gravity of my candidacy, so allow me to post my own poster here:

(For those of you who are not complete Internet dorks, see here for the inside joke)

Naturally, I encourage you all to make funny-yet-humiliating SFWA President posters for me. Because it's Friday, and it's not like you're actually working anyway.

Update: More posters await you behind the cut. I'll keep posting them as they arrive.

From Christian DeBaun:

Two from Harmony Scofield:

Two from David Moles:

Kaf Oseo:

Jason Stoddard:

Two from Kate Baker:

Amanda J Dwyer:

Jeff Hentosz:

C.A. Brewer:

Soni Pitts:

Dig this awesome "smear" video from Mary Robinette Kowal:


Posted by john at March 16, 2007 12:52 PM

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Bob Hussey | March 16, 2007 01:03 PM

My first impression of the tiara was that it was a crown of thorns and that the position of SFWA President was a quasi-religious one.

Thanks for the clarification.

Steve Buchheit | March 16, 2007 01:13 PM

In Ur Ballot, Ritten Ur Nome

Steve Buchheit | March 16, 2007 01:16 PM

All Your Vote Belong to Me

Hugh Casey | March 16, 2007 01:21 PM

I posted about your candidacy in my own blog.


Good luck John. Since I like SFWA and SF writers in general, I hope you win. Since I've BEEN the president of a non-profit, fan-run organization, and since I like you as a person, I hope you lose... you don't need that sort of aggravation. *grin*

I wish you the best either way!

John Scalzi | March 16, 2007 01:26 PM

I would not be displeased not to win, I have to say. Except then someone I wouldn't want as SFWA president would be in the job. Gaaaah. My brain, she hurts.

Ellen | March 16, 2007 01:37 PM

My brain, she hurts.

Your brain is female? That's interesting.

Also, someone, please make a bacon-cat-related campaign poster.

Jon | March 16, 2007 01:44 PM

I really want to vote for Scalzi. But I'd have to write and publish a book, first, and I'm not sure I'd have the time for that before the election. Too bad; hopefully next time around.

Chris Meadows | March 16, 2007 01:44 PM

If you lose, perhaps you should consider running as a balloted candidate next year. If the fellow you don't think is a good fit as SFWA President has been Presiding all this time, no doubt he'll try to Preside again.

Mfitz | March 16, 2007 01:54 PM

You seem to be on the right track to me and I was raised by professional politicians, which is like being raised my really verbal wolves, without the fur coats.

Jon | March 16, 2007 02:25 PM

Mfitz: not sharks?

JerolJ | March 16, 2007 02:29 PM

You are correct - it's Friday and I'm not really doing much work. Too busy watching the ESPN live scoreboard; if Georgia Tech doesn't beat UNLV that raises me to four losses (at least I pegged Duke to lose in the first round).

Bruce Cohen, SpeakerToManagers | March 16, 2007 02:31 PM

No, sharks raise lawyers.

Ken Brady | March 16, 2007 02:32 PM

You'd make a great SFWA President. I mean, at least you understand that the internets are like a toaster.

Kelsey | March 16, 2007 03:09 PM


Before I go tossing a bunch of soft money your way, I have one question:

Which should be taught in school, science fiction or evolution?

Mfitz | March 16, 2007 03:12 PM

Sharks! No they run in instinct alone, and don't play well in goups. You need some pack building skills for politics.

Contrary to popular belief there are honest politicians, they just don't tend to get elected all that often. Which says more about the voting public than the politicians if you ask me.

John Scalzi | March 16, 2007 03:12 PM

The evolution of science fiction!

Kelsey | March 16, 2007 03:55 PM

Good answer! Where do I send the check?

Chang O.C., th Original Changsta | March 16, 2007 04:11 PM

I'd post a picture but every time I post I got straight to the moderation queue... from which I will never leave.

John Scalzi | March 16, 2007 04:14 PM

You can't post pictures anyway; they don't show up in comments.

me Jef | March 16, 2007 04:14 PM

Molz ur funy, makes me laff hard and pee too.

--me Jef

Todd Stull | March 16, 2007 04:36 PM


Kate | March 16, 2007 04:39 PM


Old Jarhead | March 16, 2007 04:42 PM

What do you need posters for? Any eligible voter who isn't lapidicolous would know you and be already basking in the mind glow.

I warned you.

Old Jarhead

TCO | March 16, 2007 04:48 PM

John, when are you going to let people in on the April Fool's joke. Oops...they'll see this. Let me delete. Damn, backspace key not working on my computer.

Connie B. | March 16, 2007 04:57 PM

So have you picked your theme song yet? Every presidential candidate needs a theme song. :)

I was thinking the theme from Gilligan's Island, but that's just me...

Ray | March 16, 2007 04:59 PM

Beautiful...simply beautiful.
Can you please run for the U.S. President as well?
Few questions.
As SWFA President do you get access to Area 51?

Will there be debates with other candidates that you can televise (or at least U-Tube?)

Does it pay well?

Chang, for rizzle. | March 16, 2007 05:13 PM

Scalzi, I know that! Silly man! It's just all my linked posts hit the queue.

And I thought you loved me....

chang, who is not chang | March 16, 2007 05:31 PM

Hey previous chang, _my_ linked posts make it in! I'll help a brother out and post the link for you.

notchang at hotmail.com

Now we know where the love really is...

Djscman | March 16, 2007 05:35 PM

>\'v'/: ~~~~
___bacon cat sez Sclzy fr Prez!

bad ASCII art wants to be free

Nathan | March 16, 2007 06:20 PM

O.K. Old Jarhead,

you made me look it up. My only questions are why that word exists (same syllables as what it means) and what the eymology is.

Hugh Casey | March 16, 2007 08:32 PM

Check out this one, John...


chang, who is not chang | March 16, 2007 09:09 PM

Scalzi now has competition:


Vote For Ghlaghghee!

Mary Robinette Kowal | March 17, 2007 01:51 AM

Jason Stoddard: That is a beautiful thing you've created.

Christian DeBaun: I loves Scalzilla.

And Jeff Hentosz: Using "Doomed to Victory" is a stroke of brilliance.

Pat J | March 17, 2007 09:52 AM

"Doomed to Victory" made me LOL. (And I think that's the first time I've ever typed "LOL", too.)

Nathan | March 17, 2007 11:00 AM

"Doomed to Victory" is absolutely my favorite.


PZ Myers | March 17, 2007 02:48 PM

That photo of your daughter (I presume it's your daughter? How would I know?) with an axe tells me that we're lucky that I'm neither qualified nor competent nor interested nor actually running in competition against you -- I left my daughter Skatje unsupervised at the mall yesterday, and she bought a sword cane. The idea of resolving these elections by pitting lethally armed progeny against one another has some appeal, though.

Especially since lunge-and-thrust should beat hack-and-slash any day.

John Scalzi | March 17, 2007 02:54 PM

PZ Myers:

"Especially since lunge-and-thrust should beat hack-and-slash any day."

True. Although I should note Athena's pretty good with the throwing, too.

Patrick Shepherd | March 17, 2007 03:25 PM

Definitely filled my laugh quota for the day. "Doomed to Victory" is perfect - you should use it as your real campaign poster. DeBaun's effort is great, too. Brings back those memories of the '50's 'B' movies, a pretty good image for someone willing to herd a group of bacon-affixed cats (er, I mean a bunch of very idiosyncratic sf writers).

PZ Myers | March 17, 2007 05:01 PM

If she's going to throw it, she better not miss.

Hey, do you hear that brassy trekkie "doo doo-doo doo doo-doot-doo" music playing in the background?

chang, who is not chang | March 17, 2007 05:17 PM

Man, I can't believe Ghlaghghee's campaign picture didn't make the fold. I'm all broken up.

She's got _my_ vote.

The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club

Mary Dell | March 18, 2007 02:29 AM

Someone had to do it, so I did:


Karen | March 18, 2007 05:10 AM

These are all at least moderately awesome, but the Doomed to Victory one is just perfect! Somebody in a certain oddly-shaped building please send me a publishing contract, quick, so I can vote for Scalzi. (Okay, yes, that's dead last in my list of reasons for wanting the contract. But still.)

Incidentally, I recently was talked into running for a position I didn't want, and decided at the last possible moment whether to vote for myself. I was relieved when I came in seventh in a field of seven.

Brian Greenberg | March 18, 2007 11:50 AM

What, no one's going to comment on the fact that the video keeps calling it the "SFAW?"

Man, you people have gone soft...

Mary Robinette Kowal | March 18, 2007 11:58 AM

See. Subtlety is never appreciated.

Jeff Hentosz | March 18, 2007 12:13 PM

Mary (Robinette Kowal): I believe that voice can one day bring the corrupt power structure to its knees.

Mary (Dell): An image for the ages.

Re: "Doomed to Victory." Credit goes, of course, to John's Russian translator (for those new to the Whatever, or those who may have missed it, that is apparently one translation of the Russian title for Old Man's War). Thanks, though, for the props. Glad you liked it.

Gwen | March 18, 2007 12:16 PM

Can I just say that the juxtaposition of the "herding cats" comment and the picture of bacon-taped Ghlaghghee was brilliant? Didn't even have to say "will John Scalzi tape bacon to SFAW [mispelled for consistency] members?", because I thought it for you.
Brilliant video. Awesome posters.

Mary Robinette Kowal | March 18, 2007 04:26 PM

Thank you. I had waaaaay too much fun with it.

Re: "Doomed to Victory."... that is apparently one translation of the Russian title for Old Man's War).
That is what made it brilliant.

Jaquandor | March 19, 2007 07:06 AM

I made one here, but sadly it's not nearly as funny as the ones you've already found.

Diatryma | March 19, 2007 11:28 AM

"Service" and the tentacle... oh. You win.

Jed Hartman | March 19, 2007 09:29 PM

Mary Robinette Kowal for Minister of Propaganda!

John Scalzi | March 19, 2007 09:48 PM

I second that, Jed.

Mary Robinette Kowal | March 20, 2007 12:45 PM

I dunno. Theo Black is mighty clever.

Deirdre Saoirse Moen | March 21, 2007 04:30 PM

Fine. Here, have a cat macro.


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