« Spanking -- And Not the Fun Kind | Main | Another Thing I Want To Know... »

January 26, 2007

The John Scalzi Experience -- LIVE In YOUR Town!

My publicist says I can mention this now, so: I'll be doing a book tour this spring, in support of The Last Colony, in late April and early May. We're still scheduling dates and locations so I can't give you specifics at the moment, however I can say that we do plan to tour the west coast and the midwest, with a couple of east coast hits thrown in just for fun. Of course, when I have official dates and cities, I'll share them here for your edification and enjoyment.

Naturally I'm very excited about this. This will actually be my second author tour, the first one being a tour I did back in 2000, when The Rough Guide to Money Online came out. That was a three city tour (DC, NYC and Chicago) that was scheduled for the week after the 2000 elections, on the rationale that, heck, the week after the national elections? What possible sort of news could be happening then? Oh, uh, yeah. Not a great tour. This one will be different. Oh, yes.

Anyway, this constitutes a head's up: Look out, here I come. I think I'll make tour T-Shirts.

Update, 1:01 pm: Dan writes in the comments:

Your tour needs a slick title. Something ambiguous yet evocative with its senselessness.
How about: John Scalzi's Puddle of Heads tour '07.
See? It doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but it sure sounds cool.

Well, all right, let's make it a contest: Whoever comes up with the best tour name -- as decided by me, of course -- will get the tour title on whatever T-Shirts I make (presuming I make t-shirts), plus a free t-shirt, and a signed copy of The Last Colony when it comes out.

Get to it! Let's say this contest is open until 11:59:59 on Sunday 1/28.

Posted by john at January 26, 2007 12:23 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:


victor gischler | January 26, 2007 12:42 PM

Any chance you'll be coming thru Baton Rouge and/or New Orleans?

Victor Gischler

Greg | January 26, 2007 12:43 PM

Come back to Philadelphia, Scalzi. The masses, they adore you.

Tim Walker | January 26, 2007 12:43 PM

Come to Austin! (Bookpeople would be an ideal venue.) We'll feed you your choice of barbecue or Tex-Mex!!

Mary | January 26, 2007 12:48 PM

Does Toronto count as a coast? It's on a lake, so, yeah, "shore" might be more appropriate, but a little leeway would be nice. *makes big puppy dog eyes*

dave | January 26, 2007 12:49 PM

Come to SF and I'll stop trying to pay people to make out with your head. And I would totally buy a Scalzi '07 tour T-shirt, as long as it was snarky.

Neth | January 26, 2007 12:53 PM

Come to the Phoenix area - Changing Hands or The Poisoned Pen are the best options beyond a corporate setting.

Monty | January 26, 2007 12:54 PM

You should represent for your old hood and do a signing at the Sterling, VA Borders. I used to work there, and they're good people.Also, awesome vietnamese joint next door.

Kyle | January 26, 2007 12:54 PM

Dallas. We'll even wave lighters in the air rhythmically if you do a reading...

Dan | January 26, 2007 12:58 PM

Your tour needs a slick title. Something ambiguous yet evocative with its senselessness.

How about: John Scalzi's Puddle of Heads tour '07.

See? It doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but it sure sounds cool.

Greg | January 26, 2007 01:08 PM

Please, forget the Tex-Mex. We have food here so good that it will kill you. Honest-to-God, I can find you a cheeseteak/roast pork combo that will flash-freeze your arteries solid. People will find your corpse and they'll think Body Worlds is back in town.

Cassie | January 26, 2007 01:13 PM

How many suggestions for tour names are we permitted to submit?

Greg | January 26, 2007 01:16 PM

Shame that Blonde Ambition has already been done.

John Scalzi | January 26, 2007 01:17 PM

Cassie: As many as you like.

Carl V. | January 26, 2007 01:18 PM

Oooo...have to put the thinking cap on. Or at least take the beer bong hat off. Hope by midwest you will be hitting the Kansas City or St. Louis area, but as it is I am not crossing my fingers. I realize both are small market in comparison to Chicago, etc.

No matter what I am thrilled for you, that's great!

Tim Walker | January 26, 2007 01:22 PM

To Greg: Feel the love that I and the rest of Austin have for Philly. Philly rocks.

. . . But, y'know, Austin *also* rocks. And -- without casting aspersions on the food of Philadelphia or Bangkok or anywhere else -- it's a great food town. S'all good, is what I'm sayin'.

My larger plan, which I'd say you and I are in a good position to co-direct, is to put, say 40 lbs. on Scalzi during the tour. Sound good?

John Scalzi | January 26, 2007 01:22 PM

Carl V.:

I'll be in Kansas city in July for the Heinlein Centennial in any event.

Christian | January 26, 2007 01:23 PM

Simple is good, I vote for:

"The Whatever Tour"

~ or~

"The Porcine Meat And Feline Companion Animal Adhesion Tour"

Monty | January 26, 2007 01:26 PM

How about "John Scalzi: Old Man's Tour" ?

Cassie | January 26, 2007 01:27 PM

That's good, cause otherwise I'd have to hurry up and post the Bacon Cat Tour or the Cat Bacon Tour (which generates a whole different picture) just to be first.

Tatiana | January 26, 2007 01:28 PM

If you're coming to Ann Arbor, tell them to get you here before April 26, when finals end and most of the students leave town.

Tatiana | January 26, 2007 01:30 PM

(sorry, double-posting)

"The Porcine Meat And Feline Companion Animal Adhesion Tour"

This implies that the PM and the FCA are on tour. Not that I have a problem with that.

critter42 | January 26, 2007 01:31 PM

First one off the top of my head:

Tin Tires Tour '07

It is not only senseless (but meaningful if you know what it was shamelessly ripped off from...), it is alliterative.

Monty | January 26, 2007 01:31 PM

I'm also partial to "The Scalzioddessy" and "Scalzitrek IV: The Bloodening"
Think about it.

Tim Walker | January 26, 2007 01:32 PM

Random t-shirt ideas.

1. How about a picture of Ghlaghghee and the caption like "Im In Ur Town, Tauntin Ur Buk Luvers", or else just "I Has a Last Colluni". It'll be like a thematic time-stamp for Winter 2006/7.

2. "Hail Jane Sagan!" with a picture of same.

3. "Straight Outta Ohio"?

These are just some initial thoughts.

David Wilford | January 26, 2007 01:34 PM

Minneapolis. Contact Greg Ketter at Dreamhaven and I'm sure something can be arranged.


Nathan | January 26, 2007 01:35 PM

While I'm thinking about what slick title to suggest, may I also point out that you'll need a cool logo, too? This is not something I'm likely to come up with,(as I have no skilz in that area), but with all your loyal minions plugging away.......

OTOH, our recent discussion of people asking for free professional services might prevent some from stepping up.

Solomon-like, I will wisely now rule on the subject:

John hasn't asked you to prostitute yourselves to this endeavor; I have.

**Waves hands in sign of Papal dispensation**

C'mon folks, Pony Up.

BTW, that big red tongue and lips thing is already taken.

Bookninja | January 26, 2007 01:37 PM

Nashville, Davis-Kidd (owned by the Joseph-Beth folks). Just a request.

Anne KG Murphy | January 26, 2007 01:40 PM

Tour name:

Scalzi Says

Anne KG Murphy | January 26, 2007 01:41 PM

or, you know, SCALZI IN TEH HOUSE

Ken Wootton | January 26, 2007 01:43 PM

Dude, Whatever
John's Scalzi's book tour of 2007

Anne KG Murphy | January 26, 2007 01:47 PM

John Scalzi:

I'm N UR Citez, Sg=ignin ur bookz

Nathan | January 26, 2007 01:49 PM

I'm going in a totally different direction:

Sloth Tour ’07: Energetic inertia

This has the added benefit that when one of your many handlers tries to rush you along, you can roll your eyes, point to the banner, and say,

"Dude....what part of Sloth Tour don't you understand"?

Drew | January 26, 2007 01:55 PM

The Scalzi "My God can beat up your God" tour.

David McNelis | January 26, 2007 01:56 PM

Cassie, you and I are definitely thinking along the same lines. But I was thinking:

Beware the Bacon Cat: John Scalzi

Part of me keeps wanting to say A John Scalzi Joint...but I think Spike might take issue with that.

rochelle | January 26, 2007 01:58 PM

John---you need better timing on these tours so you can come hang out with 20,000 librarians in June. This year's American Library Association Conference is in DC. As for a catchy tour name...just not Scalzipalooza.

Dr. Matt | January 26, 2007 02:01 PM

Scalzi '07: Sometimes you just gotta hit the road

Cassie | January 26, 2007 02:02 PM

Tatiana, if he uses your suggestion, when we go to see him, do we bring porcine offerings, feline offerings, or do we just throw the stuff at him?

Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little | January 26, 2007 02:02 PM

Oh, do come to Boulder! We'll--er, we'll make you tea! And give you a lot of snow to take home with you, because we're surplussed and sick of it!

(At least come hit the Denver area--Tattered Cover is an excellent bookstore.)

I've been mulling over this Suggest A Tour Title thingie, and the best I'm coming up with is,


Simple, clever, to the point. Say you like it!

ship | January 26, 2007 02:03 PM

how about the john scalzi i don't have time to critique your work i'm too busy looking for my lost wallet and chasing friendly neighborhood dogs out of my house 2007 book tour? that would fit in t-shirt, right?

potlickus | January 26, 2007 02:03 PM

How about:

1. The Scalzi Sagan Circuit

2. The Scalzi BrainPal Boogie

John Scalzi | January 26, 2007 02:04 PM


"John---you need better timing on these tours so you can come hang out with 20,000 librarians in June. This year's American Library Association Conference is in DC."

Well, maybe I will be there and just haven't announced it yet. Didn't think of that, did you?

Cassie | January 26, 2007 02:05 PM

David McNelis: It's not often I think like others here on this blog, so it's nice to hear when I do.

Personally, I think Nicole nailed it, but I continue to brainstorm.

Dennis | January 26, 2007 02:07 PM

John Scalzi: Parmesan Cat '07

Dennis K | January 26, 2007 02:07 PM

How about,
The Mind If I Tour '07

Cassie | January 26, 2007 02:09 PM

IF you were at the ALA convention, then there would be a reason to go.

Must check with my hubby if he's planning to attend.

sam young | January 26, 2007 02:12 PM

two reasons your tour should hit san francisco

1) we've got a In-N-Out. two, in fact.
2) borderlands books has a hairless cat. i dunno why that's an interesting selling point, but there you go.

Jeteraus | January 26, 2007 02:15 PM

Will you make it to the South? If not, Knoxville could be considered 'East'.

Scalzi's Rampage: Scifi Author Gone Wild


Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little | January 26, 2007 02:16 PM

(Squeeee! Cassie likes it! :-)

So many good suggestions up there. I'm making officemates give me strange looks as I read them and giggle. I don't say nearly as often as I should what a great procrastination aid this blog is. So I'm saying it now. Nyah.

Susan Loyal | January 26, 2007 02:22 PM

John Scalzi 2007: After the Green Skins


Be My BrainPal

Since there's very little chance you'll make it all the way down here to Atlanta, I'll second the Davis-Kidd in Nashville vote. Get that far south on a weekend, and I'll drive up.

PixelFish | January 26, 2007 02:23 PM

I'd echo Sam's comments about Borderlands, but then Scalzi was the one who recommended it to me in the first place. :)

Ninjas For Pluto Tour

Jeteraus | January 26, 2007 02:23 PM

Ditto on the Nashville idea.

Tatiana | January 26, 2007 02:24 PM

Cassie asked "Tatiana, if he uses your suggestion, when we go to see him, do we bring porcine offerings, feline offerings, or do we just throw the stuff at him?"

Actually, that was Christian's suggestion, so I'm not going to touch that one. At all.

Scott Spiegelberg | January 26, 2007 02:26 PM

The 2007 Taunting Tour.

I like Dr. Matt's, though perhaps adding something about Wheelie Willie (or whatever his name was).

The Try Not to Disappoint Me Tour.

Excursions to Shill a Book.

Scalzi Shills a Sagan.

hugh57 | January 26, 2007 02:29 PM

Scalzipalooza '07

The John Scalzi "Kiss My Scalp!" Tour.

Pablo Defendini | January 26, 2007 02:30 PM

I'll volunteer for coming up with a logo. Just give me the name you come up with.

CaseyL | January 26, 2007 02:33 PM

Scalzi 2007: Madcap Thunder

Scalzi's Heartland-to-Coast Tour 2007

Scalzi 2007: Be in at the thrill

Addendum to any of the above: "... and now, with Sheep!"

Jeff Hentosz | January 26, 2007 02:34 PM

Serendipitous Details


Relying on My Asshole
The CDF Spring Hump


The Viscerally Redeemed Tour
Renewed in '07

Yes, I like subheds, why?

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 02:34 PM

Tour names and ideas
"Kiss, Kiss, Skull, Skull"

(In big letters) "The Last" (smaller letters below, stretched) "Colony" (bigger letters below) "Book Tour"

"The Old Man Tour"

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 02:36 PM

"Live, Nude Writer!"
(as in "Live, Nude Girls")

Jon | January 26, 2007 02:36 PM

The John and Cthulhu Morning Show

(well, really, I'd have said Athena and Cthulhu, but it's not her tour)

RooK | January 26, 2007 02:37 PM

Being Tour? - probably too oblique, and probably too punny...

Colonial Defense Tour? - might attract more minutemen than Scalziacs...

Regardless, just be clear about when you'll be at Powell's in Portland Oregon. You are going to be at Powell's in Portland Oregon, right? Because Powell's in Portland Oregon is the most Powell's in Portland Oregon that a Powell's in Portland Oregon could ever Powell's in Portland Oregon.

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 02:38 PM

"Old Ghost Colony Tour"

J at The Dundies | January 26, 2007 02:40 PM


Athena Scalzi's Insolent Dad Tour

Whatever 2007: The John Scalzi Experience

Blogs, Books and Bacon: Scalzi 2007

The Great Scalzi Experiment of 2007

bonnie-ann black | January 26, 2007 02:43 PM

>>Shame that Blonde Ambition has already been done.

how about "The Bald Ambition Tour"?

Vincent | January 26, 2007 02:47 PM

Whatever Tour 2007: I Don't Spank My Daughter

Dave | January 26, 2007 02:48 PM

I feel the urge to get a VW minibus and follow John cross country ala greatful dead style. Depends on the amount of drugs people will be having, I suppose.

Nathan | January 26, 2007 02:52 PM

Why does it have to be an '07 tour?

I want time travel dammit.

JD | January 26, 2007 02:54 PM

Don't Kiss My Head tour

The Animals and Pork Products tour

The 'Where the hell did you put my wallet' tour

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 02:54 PM

I like J at The Dundies idea, but offer a slight change (props, though to J at The Dundies)
"The Insolent Daddy Tour"

Possible subhead (for Nathan, I think) "All Ur Base R Belong 2 Us"
And a caption, "Don't Make Me Put You In My Next Book"

Johnny Carruthers | January 26, 2007 02:56 PM

Tour suggestion: "The John Scalzi Bacon-Taping Tour."

And I would like to put in a request for a stop in Louisville. If you need a reason, hey, the cheeseburger was invented here.

ordinarygirl | January 26, 2007 03:03 PM

I vote for "Books, Blogs, and Bacon" with adding in "...and now sheep too!"

There's really a lot of good suggestions.

And just because you're coming to KC in July doesn't mean you can't come in April/May too.

hugh57 | January 26, 2007 03:05 PM

Scalzi '07: Bring Your Own Bacon

CJ | January 26, 2007 03:07 PM

Scalzone 2007: Books, Bacon and Beasts

The Lost(scratched out)... Last Colony Book Tour 07

Luis Baars | January 26, 2007 03:08 PM

Do Androids Dream of Books? John Scalzi Book Tour '07

Granted, it would probably have been more appropriate for a TAD book tour, but that's all I've got for now.

Nathan of the Future | January 26, 2007 03:09 PM


Just thought I'd pop in and tell ya'll I went to Scalz-o-rama 2019 last night and it was soooo coool.

I'm like 2nd in line to get "The Borders of Argo VI" signed. (Great book, BTW; you're gonna love it when you get here.) So, any way, there's Holograph AI-Scalzi sitting there dispensing good will and autographs, and the guy in front of me steps up and says, "I've read all your stuff and I think the last four books have been totally lame. Will you sign my book"?

Out of nowhere, Holo-Krissy materializes with a baseball bat, and BOOOM. Right over the head.

Holo-Scalzi just smiled and said, "I've been saying for years there's no upside to arguing with screechy monkeys".

It was (will be) awesome. You'll just have to be there.

Anonymous | January 26, 2007 03:13 PM

Here' s a couple of tour idea's for when UR IN MY TOWN SIGNIN MY BOOKZ:

Scalzi 07: By the way tour...

The Bacon-Cat Experiment (tour)

The Author's Dream

The Rough Guide to Meeting Fan's

You're not fooling anyone: The Scalzi Book tour '07

Hope to see you make at least one stop in the Southeast, either Hotlanta or Charlotte.

Ben | January 26, 2007 03:14 PM

Here' s a couple of tour idea's for when UR IN MY TOWN SIGNIN MY BOOKZ:

Scalzi 07: By the way tour...

The Bacon-Cat Experiment (tour)

The Author's Dream

The Rough Guide to Meeting Fan's

You're not fooling anyone: The Scalzi Book tour '07

Hope to see you make at least one stop in the Southeast, either Hotlanta or Charlotte.

Lucy Kemnitzer | January 26, 2007 03:17 PM

Santa Cruz is a big book-buying town (I think). Bookshop Santa Cruz and the Capitola Book Cafe both do author thingies. But you should talk to them soon, because they do them really regularly so they have their schedule up a couple months in advance.

Jacob | January 26, 2007 03:17 PM

No one's suggested Scalzapalooza?

hugh57 | January 26, 2007 03:20 PM

No one's suggested Scalzapalooza?

I did. ;p

Matt H | January 26, 2007 03:24 PM

1) You're coming to NE Ohio, right? Cleveland? Akron? Canton? My house? (I'm quite lazy)

2) Tour names:

Sheep Love '07

Cats, Sheep, and Pigs: Oh My!

John Scalzi: Last in Colonies, but First in your Heart

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 03:37 PM

Sheep, Yes
Furries, No

J.D. Finch | January 26, 2007 03:38 PM

"Scalzi Unchained"

Or in a more bookish vein, "Scalzi Unbound."

Logo for the above: Photoshopped Steve Reeves body (breaking chains with pecs or whatever) with the Scalzi head.

Would look cool on a tee.

Ryan S. | January 26, 2007 03:39 PM

How about the:
I'm Not Fooling You When I Take My Books to the Coffee Shop Tour


The Bacon Cat Electric Purple Rose Tour

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 03:41 PM

Hmm, Sclazi Unbound. I like that. Quasi literary, sure the Superman thing, also Promethius (and Frankenstein). Yes, yes.

Scalzi Unchained, though, sounds like a "Chicks in Prison" flick. :)

Luis Baars | January 26, 2007 03:42 PM

Schnoz Nite: Jolly to a Clash

Then the poster shows the anagram slowly migrate to...

The Last Colony: John Scalzi

CaseyL | January 26, 2007 03:42 PM

Since there are more cracktastic suggestions than there is a tour, John has to have more than one tour this year, so he can use up all the aweomeness.

mia | January 26, 2007 03:44 PM

CatFree Cheeseboardom Tour 07
Now with more bacon!

MikeB | January 26, 2007 03:46 PM

Even with the combined imagination-inspiring presences of Iain Banks and Charlie Stross looming over my shoulders I am still unable to come up with a tour name. I guess I'll just have to wait and buy my own copies of the books...

mia | January 26, 2007 03:47 PM

Plutonic Ideals Tour 07

Dean | January 26, 2007 03:48 PM

Sam said:

2) borderlands books has a hairless cat. i dunno why that's an interesting selling point, but there you go.

I'm thinking that tape would stick spectacularly well to a hairless cat.

michael | January 26, 2007 03:52 PM

Tour Name, "Scalzi's Last," until the inevitable reunion tour that is.

Come to San Diego, and Mysterious galaxy. It's not the biggest book store, but it is independent, and they specialize in mystery and science fiction, so you'll probably feel at home.


Kyle | January 26, 2007 04:03 PM

Electric Sheepaloo?

Jeff | January 26, 2007 04:16 PM

"The John Scalzi Experience"

In tiny letters you can add, "The author takes no responsibility for the side effects of licking his head"

The "Scalzi's more Ballzi" tour.

Jim Hall | January 26, 2007 04:24 PM

Scalzirific World Tour 2007
Fueled by Bacon cat and Coke Zero!

Greg | January 26, 2007 04:34 PM

I didn't mean to offend, Tim: Austin well and truly rocks.

Tour names, apologies for repeats:
Baconated '07
The John Scalzi Ordeal as opposed to the John Scalzi Experience.
Warrented Braintaps
The Not Foolin' Anyone Tour
Android's Airstream: Scalzi on the Road
WalletQuest '07

Miscellaneous Steve | January 26, 2007 04:42 PM

First title that popped into my head: The It's Not Easy Being Green Tour.

Greg | January 26, 2007 04:44 PM

Oh, and because the tour might also reflect the name of the book:

The Sagan & Perry Reunion Tour '07
The Last Colonic err...maybe not.

Jon | January 26, 2007 04:48 PM

Seems obvious to me. It needs to be

Old Man's Tour.

Carl V. | January 26, 2007 05:05 PM

Hey, hadn't heard of that event but will be checking it out. Guess I'll have to sneak my copies of your books in and keep a stalker's eye out for you so I can get some signage!!!

Carol Elaine | January 26, 2007 05:14 PM

So many tour names, so little time - 2007 Tour

"Is My Wallet in Your City?" 2007 Tour

The ScalziClone Tour 2007

"Found My Wallet, But Where's My Pluto?" 2007 Tour

"Taping Bacon on Cats Since 2006" 2007 Tour

Last Colonies 'R' Us Tour 2007

The Scalziriffic 2007 Tour

"Stop Messing with my 401(k)" 2007 Tour

Read My Book! Tour 2007

UR Byin' My Bookz, Thx For the Green 2007 Tour

The "I'm #4!" Tour 2007

"Why Do I Always End Up in L.A. When Carol Can't Meet Me?" 2007 Tour

Okay, maybe that last is a little personal...

But really, the best is Old Man's Tour 2007. Wish I came up with it

rochelle | January 26, 2007 05:25 PM

Cassie: I'll be at ALA. Certainly that's reason enough to attend. The Scalzmeister will be icing on the cake (or....dare I say?...bacon on the cat).

John: That was vaguely promising. OR promisingly vague? Don't know...still bleary from ALA's Midwinter meeting. Total laff riot, it was.

Queenie | January 26, 2007 05:49 PM

Scalzi's Double Whatever Tour
The Huh? What? Scalzi Tour
Scalzi Scalps Old Man Tour
Cats, Cheese, Bacon, Whatever Tour
Scalztastic Blog Tour
Whatever, Scalzi! Tour
Old Man Uncle John Scalzi Tour
Deep Scalzi Nine

Scarlett | January 26, 2007 05:50 PM

"A Writer on...Whatever: Scalzi on Tour"
"Will Speak for Food: A Writer on Tour"
"Re-colonizing: Scalzi on Tour"

Although the best title is probably "Old Man's Tour."

esp | January 26, 2007 05:58 PM

How about the "I'm not Laurell K Hamilton, so don't stand in line to tell me I suck, because you just don't GET IT" Tour?

esp | January 26, 2007 06:00 PM

I also like "Recreational Spanking Tour 07" but maybe that would bring the WRONG kind of people out...

Jenny | January 26, 2007 06:10 PM

Get Scalzied: 2007
or if you feel up for it, Get Scalzified

Cassie | January 26, 2007 06:17 PM

John, will you be doing all the mime and interpretive dances? And the aria?

This may influence what we suggest as names for the tour.

Aaron | January 26, 2007 06:54 PM

John Scalzi, for Precedent Tour. (pun intended)

Heather Braum | January 26, 2007 07:21 PM

HEY BROTHER!!!I miss you so much, I hope your tour makes it to Redding,Ca.I would love to see you.

Steve Buchheit | January 26, 2007 07:24 PM

"Pluto Is a Planet, Damnit!" Tour

Ray | January 26, 2007 07:24 PM

Any plans on getting your books translated to other languages besides English? It would be cool to have you in Austria. I would ensure an emasse turnout for your signing..:)

John Scalzi | January 26, 2007 07:27 PM

Ray, Old Man's War & The Ghost Brigades have been bought for German language publication, but I don't know when they're scheduled to be released over there.

Update: Found it. Old man's War (retitled "Krieg der Klone') will be out in June in the German language.

Duane Swierczynski | January 26, 2007 07:34 PM

If you make it to Philly, you've got a fine meal and many beers awaiting you, Mr. Scalzi.

Brian | January 26, 2007 08:16 PM

I doubt you could get the rights for it, but I would personally rather enjoy "The Forever Tour".

Probably already been done to death, but... meh, so what?

Djscman | January 26, 2007 08:28 PM

Lots of good suggestions so far.

Here's one with a suspicious similarity to Ryan S's:

"You're Not Fooling Anyone When You Go On a National Book Tour"


"Tea Parties For Old Men on Last Colonies"

"SCLZ: Comin' Outta Their Shells Tour!"

"The Grand Tour"

"Hail The Conquering Hero (and have him sell you some of his books) Tour"

"The Elderly Also Yearn For Love"

"Fantastic Dance! With Jon Scalls"

Dan | January 26, 2007 08:43 PM

The John Scalzi Makes a Pen Work Tour.

PixelFish | January 26, 2007 08:45 PM

Pablo, I'll thumb-wrestle you for it.

David S. | January 26, 2007 08:53 PM

The Last Old Man's Colonoscopy Tour. No video will be made available.

Bob P | January 26, 2007 09:09 PM

Travels With Scalzi

Does Anyone Have A Camper I Can Borrow?)

Chang, father of pangolins | January 26, 2007 09:36 PM

Scalzicce 2007: Taping Pork to the Pussy Across the USA!!!

I'll take mine in an extra large, thank you!

Leah Bobet | January 26, 2007 09:46 PM

The Wherever. *g*

Lisa | January 26, 2007 10:41 PM

Come to Omaha! Gateway to the West!

How about:
Scalzi 07
Ur town, my books, INK

Jeff Porten | January 26, 2007 10:54 PM

I think the key is to make a shout-out to the bacon cat and other Whatever inside jokes, with a double entendre that doesn't make all the poor radio hosts feel left out. Therefore:

Scalzi '07: The Last Baloney

Soni | January 26, 2007 11:11 PM

Ooooo...come to Asheville, NC! We've got literary cred coming out our eyeballs and lots of really cool mountain views!

As for the tour name,

TorTour 07: That's Gonna Leave A Mark

Jamilyn | January 26, 2007 11:51 PM

I don't really have a tour name (John Scalzi's Pimp-tastic Book Tour is the best I've come up with), but I'd like to request a stop in Orlando. And I'll sweeten the deal by offering a free day at Disney to your lovely family...

David Klecha | January 26, 2007 11:51 PM

Internet Memes Are Overrated Tour '07


This Is My Tour, There Are Many Like It, But This One Is Mine


Semper Touring


They Actually Pay Me For This '07

Michele | January 27, 2007 12:23 AM

How about:

Scalzi Coast2Coast Tour 2007

Coastin' 2007

Bacon Coastin' 2007

Scalzi's Colonial Sitings 2007

Scalzi's Citational Sitings 2007

Jenny Rae Rappaport | January 27, 2007 01:23 AM

I have a tour name, but it would give away the end of the book... so I shall just privately cackle in glee that I've read it already. =)

J.D. Finch | January 27, 2007 01:55 AM

Steve Buchheit on January 26, 2007 at 03:41 PM said:

"Scalzi Unchained, though, sounds like a "Chicks in Prison" flick. :)"

Yes, Mr. Bucheit, but don't you find that just a hint of sleeze can bring out a more, um, "varied" audience? ;).

Randomscrub | January 27, 2007 02:17 AM

I'd have suggested the epically tragic "Scalzi Unbound," but I see that I've been beaten to it several times over. Oh well. Allow me to suggest:

John Scalzi's inevitable book signing hand-cramp tour

The Pluto Memorial Tour

Colonial Defense Force Recruitment Drive

The "Bacon + Cat = Pageviews" Tour

The Wherever Whatever Tour

Hogwallop | January 27, 2007 03:23 AM

Scalzi 2: Electric Boogaloo

Harvey | January 27, 2007 04:42 AM

Just Read Tour 2007

hugh57 | January 27, 2007 06:23 AM

Pluto: Stop the haytin' — Scalzitour '07

Wendell | January 27, 2007 06:43 AM

Naming the Tour:

Welcome to the Scalziverse

The Scalzi Colonization

I like the ones that use The Whatever, so how about...
Whatever And Ever Tour
Whatever Live!
or for completing the trilogy (you are going to keep it to a trilogy, right?)...
Happily Whatever After

And while I like the taping-bacon-to-cat meme, you need to go one step farther...
The Taping Bacon to Sheep Tour

Book Man's Tour

The Yes, I Am Fooling Everyone Tour

Live Nude Blogging!
(okay, that's just silly)

The Last Uncle Old Man's Rough Ghost Dream of the Stars Whatever

Or just... TourZi!

mensley | January 27, 2007 07:09 AM

The John Scalzi Pop Explosion!

Another plea for the Knoxville / East Tennessee region. Cities in the area that would be within a reasonable drive, in descending preference: Ashville, Nashville, Lexington, Atlanta.

John Pitzel | January 27, 2007 08:45 AM

Tour name:

Ovine, Feline, and Mine: Scalzinational Tour '07

Baaaad Kitty!

Christopher | January 27, 2007 09:31 AM

Scalzi-Oh-Seven: Bacon Come A-Walkin'

Dave Sorgen | January 27, 2007 10:16 AM

Rats, she got there first:

bonnie-ann black "Shame that Blonde Ambition has already been done.
how about "The Bald Ambition Tour"?

So, ummm hows about:

1. John Scalzi: Bald Ambition

2. Bald Ambition: Blinded by the Light

3. Bald Ambition: Blinded by the Bacon

4. John Scalzi: Sticking Bacon to the Cat Fur on the Wall

The first three can have multiple meanings... Lotsa fun for everyone!

PS: The Book People in Austin is a REALLY GOOD bookstore. Big too...

PPS: San Antonio has better restaurants/food than Austin (wet slurpy raspberry to the Austin guys).


Bryan Price | January 27, 2007 12:38 PM

I'm assuming that time is EST. From one ESTer to another (sounds like a cult to me!). :-P

"It's fun to be pink again!" "Back to (the?) pink!" "The final pink" "The last turn of pink" or somesuch.

"Im n ur galaxy colonizing ur planets"

"Old Mans Tour: The Third Epoch"

(Assuming that John and Jane are now pink civilians instead of green grunts in this novel.)

John Scalzi | January 27, 2007 01:07 PM

Well, they might not be pink. I don't remember specifying.

claire | January 27, 2007 03:07 PM

how about "the post-colony tour"?

Djscman | January 27, 2007 03:18 PM

"The Last Colony Bathroom Break For Ten Parsecs"

Djscman | January 27, 2007 03:19 PM

Oh, and it would work better if you changed "The Lost Colony" to "The Last Colony". So you ought to do that.

Djscman | January 27, 2007 03:48 PM

And the above comment would make more sense if it was prefaced by something like

"Remaining Old Men Together: Finding Your Inner Lost Colony" National Workshop Tour.

Justin | January 27, 2007 04:21 PM

I Did Two Things on My Seventy-Fifth Book Tour.

Bored of Beta Pyxis Vacations? Book T' Our Last Colony!

CDF Recruitment Drive: Kidnap the Elderly for Cash!*
*Scalzi Carries Less than $20

The Best of All Possible Tours

Steve Buchheit | January 27, 2007 09:47 PM

J.D. Finch, "but don't you find that just a hint of sleeze can bring out a more, um, "varied" audience?"

True enough.

Dane | January 27, 2007 11:00 PM

I would say you can't go too far wrong with a title like:

"The Bloody Stool Tour"

...either way it ends it is likely to fit...could be just a simple rectal inflammation but then again, it could be seating used as a lethal improvised weapon.

mensley | January 28, 2007 12:27 AM

Veni, Lexi, Vinci "I came, I read, I conquered"

John Scalzi's Dance Party


Anne KG Murphy | January 28, 2007 07:53 AM

The bashful armadillo tour

(came up last night at Scott's party)

Anne KG Murphy | January 28, 2007 08:01 AM

Greg, I like Warrented Braintaps, though the copyeditor in me has to point out that should be:

Warranted Braintaps

I also like

John Scalzi: Colonizing Your Brain

(The Dream Colony Tour also works)

Claude Muncey | January 28, 2007 01:05 PM

Combining a tour name and plea for an appearance:

The First Annual Triumphant Return to Fresno

Brian | January 28, 2007 01:32 PM

Howzabout ScalziSnark '08! -- The Tour

Carl V. | January 28, 2007 04:58 PM

Okay, though lame this is what I've come up with thus far:

John Scalzi's "Ewe da man!" tour

John Scalzi's Comin' and Ewe Know You Want It, Tour

The genetically-enhanced sheep loving tour

Scalzi's on Tour: Hide the sheep!

The J. Scalzi Experience: BYOS (Bring your own sheep)

The 'Its about damn time I won a Hugo' tour.

The 'White Castle be Damned' Tour

The Anti-Burger Avoidance Tour

The Sliders equals Skidmarks Tour

Michael | January 28, 2007 05:11 PM

"Questions for a writer tour"
"superScalzifragalisticTourialidotious" might need to break that up a bit!

Oh...and come to Philly!

Carl V. | January 28, 2007 08:28 PM

And now for something completely different:

The Geriatric Lobotomy tour

The Flatulent Communicator tour, with its variations, The Flatulent Evangelist tour, The Flatulent Diplomat tour...for something more subtle along those lines, The Winds of Change tour, The Olfactory Enlightenment tour.

Something referencing the BrainPAL might be interesting. Of course there would have to be a catchy title to fit the PAL acronym. Hmmm...

John Scalzi's Probing Anal Lesions Tour probably wouldn't get past the censors.

Paid Army Lobotomy tour (probably would be take the wrong way)

the Prodigal Android Lullaby tour (I can't stop thinking about sheep!!!)

Carl V. | January 28, 2007 08:32 PM

Another age related one:

The Last Colonoscopy tour.

David M | January 28, 2007 11:04 PM

"Self-Deprecating and Proud of it"

"Darke County Work Realease Program"

"The Hermeneutics of Obfuscation"


David M | January 28, 2007 11:06 PM

John "JK Rowling" Scalzi presents "Harry Potter and the Last Colony"

mb | January 28, 2007 11:11 PM

How about one of these?

Up the Beanstalk; The Last Colony Tour ‘07

Saving Humanity, One Old Man at a Time.
The Last Colony Tour ‘07

Forget about Hal; Get into a BrainPal
The Last Colony Tour ‘07

Green Men On Tour ‘07; Want to learn More?

CDF Immortality Tour
TLC ‘07

TLC Tour ‘07

and finally,

The Last Colony 2007
Pre-Hugo Award Tour

Carl V. | January 28, 2007 11:20 PM

Just before bed, here's the utterly nonsensical:

the Zombie Robot Nurses Unleased tour

the Patronizing Alien Liturgist tour

the Recycled Old Folks tour

the Barbara Streisand/Cher farewell tour #75, featuring J. Scalzi

You could do the Mirror, Mirror version of yourself on tour...of course you'd have to grow some facial hair so that we knew it was your evil mirror universe twin.


Carl V. | January 29, 2007 12:15 AM

the Relocated Consciousness tour

Adam Rakunas | January 29, 2007 01:07 AM

2007 Burger Nostalgia Tour

Cassie | January 29, 2007 01:58 AM

Waiting impatiently for your final decision.

grhm | January 29, 2007 03:27 AM

Love the Scalzi-ation of words so:

palzi Scalzi in the fallzi (obviously have to save it for the Autumn tour of Europe - hint, hint)

and maximum use of "z":

cuz uz luvz Scalzi

Greg | January 29, 2007 08:23 AM

Anne KG Murphy

Greg, I like Warrented Braintaps, though the copyeditor in me has to point out that should be:

Warranted Braintaps


marrije | January 29, 2007 10:08 AM

I like Tim Walker's "Straight Outta Ohio", way upthread. Manly, short, not too clever-clever: perfect.

PixelFish | January 29, 2007 04:29 PM

I'm curious to see who won.

My bf maintains that Puddle of Heads is the default best title.

Kristy | January 29, 2007 10:49 PM

Based on the recent TAD review:

"Scalzi BookTour '07: He's Subtly Bizarre"

Post a comment.

Comments are moderated to stop spam; if your comment goes into moderation, it may take a couple of hours to be released. Please read this for my comment moderation policies.
Preview will not show paragraph breaks. Trust me, they're there.
The proprietor generally responds to commenters in kind. If you're polite, he'll be polite. If you're a jackass, he'll be a jackass. If you are ignorant, he may correct you.
When in doubt, read the comment thread rules.

Remember Me?

(you may use HTML tags for style)