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November 29, 2006

Must. Not. Destroy. Computer.

I just had one of those "You're writing a long entry and then the computer freezes up and eats it all" moments, about which the less said the better for my blood pressure. I could re-write the thing, but I think I'd rather tongue-bathe the crap I pulled out of the sink earlier today.

Instead, let's make it a game: I'll give you the title of the entry I was writing; you tell me if you can identify who I was writing about and why. If you get it right, oh, I don't know, I'll give you a shiny penny.

Here's the title:

Yet Another Fat-Assed Coward For the Zombie Patrick Henry to Totally Kick the Shit Out of When He Rouses Himself From His Virginia Grave

Got it? Now: Who was I writing about, and why?


Posted by john at November 29, 2006 04:18 PM

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John League | November 29, 2006 04:34 PM

Rush Limbaugh. Because if we want to keep all our cities intact we'll have to let the government put curbs on our speech and listen to our phones and read our e-mail. They'll probably have to know what you pulled out of the drain, too.

Lis Carey | November 29, 2006 04:39 PM

Newt Gingrich, who thinks we need to re-examine free speech in light of the awful existential threat of the terrorists--who are, of course, way more dangerous than the old Soviet Union, which only had enough nuclear weapons (and delivery mechanisms!) to destroy the world five times over.


John Scalzi | November 29, 2006 04:42 PM

John League:

"They'll probably have to know what you pulled out of the drain, too."

Well, I want to know about that, too, actually. Because I'm still flummoxed. And terrified!

John League | November 29, 2006 04:45 PM

Oh, sorry. Gingrich. Right. I got my, wait, what is it again? My "Fat-Assed Cowards For the Zombie Patrick Henry to Totally Kick the Shit Out of When He Rouses Himself From His Virginia Grave" confused. Please forgive.

CosmicDog | November 29, 2006 04:46 PM

Darn it, Lisa beat me to it. I, however, have a different link.


Yeesh! I usually try to give our political leaders the benefit of a doubt, even Republicans, because I want to believe that they have our best interests in mind. Yet it seems lately that they have forgotten what makes America, well...America. I don't see the point of protecting the nation if doing so causes us forget the purpose of this nation.

Like I said, Yeesh!

Steve Buchheit | November 29, 2006 04:47 PM

Second the Gingrich thing. Before now, the only time in my life that I ever had an urge to buy a firearm was watching Pat Buchannon at the 2000 Republican Convension. I have that same feeling all the time now.

Mike | November 29, 2006 04:52 PM

"Yet it seems lately that they have forgotten what makes America, well...America."

Exactly! Succinctly put. I'm glad someone else sees it that way. What is it with people these days who honestly don't seem to know or care about the reasons behind our freedoms and what can happen if we DON'T have them! I sometimes feel like I'm some kind of weird, Twilight Zone version of America when I have conversations with people who actually have no problem with torture, wiretapping, pre-emptive war, destroying freedom of speech, getting rid of the separation of church and state, and all the other stuff I was taught in school (and in Sunday school) that are the things that make this country what it is.

Tomben | November 29, 2006 05:13 PM

I'm thinking Gingrich also, but the true travesty is that a google of "Zombie Patrick Henry" returns zero results.

Gabriel Malor | November 29, 2006 05:18 PM

I was gonna guess Dennis Prager for his insistence that Keith Ellison must be sworn in on a Bible.

Jeff | November 29, 2006 05:23 PM

Darn, Gabriel took Prager before me.

Tracey A. Callison | November 29, 2006 05:27 PM

I second Dennis Prager, in specific his aspousal of the following:

"What Ellison and his Muslim and leftist supporters are saying is that it is of no consequence what America holds as its holiest book; all that matters is what any individual holds to be his holiest book.

Forgive me, but America should not give a hoot what Keith Ellison's favorite book is. Insofar as a member of Congress taking an oath to serve America and uphold its values is concerned, America is interested in only one book, the Bible."

Lis Carey | November 29, 2006 05:48 PM

CosmicDog, I must register a small protest: It's Lis, not Lisa.

Except for that detail, may I express my complete agreement?

Alienlove | November 29, 2006 05:52 PM

Then I should thank your computer for crashing. But wait... you weren't writing about what you look like in the morning?

Jon Marcus | November 29, 2006 05:52 PM

For the Newt, I think a Zombie Patrick Henry sounds just fine. For Mr. Prager, may I direct him to the 3rd Clause of Article IV of the Constitution of the United States?

"Clause 3: The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."

Jemaleddin | November 29, 2006 05:55 PM

Just for the complete geek experience, which computer went down on you?

Scott Janssens | November 29, 2006 05:58 PM

Forgive the off topic and private nature of this comment...

Jon Marcus, did we ever work together?

John Scalzi | November 29, 2006 06:00 PM

It was the PC, Jemaleddin.

alkali | November 29, 2006 06:06 PM

Perhaps New Hampshire should clarify their motto by adding one of those tags I see on menus:

"Live Free Or Die (Please, no substitutions)."

JonathanMoeller | November 29, 2006 06:07 PM

Patrick Henry nothing. Think about what Vampire Thomas Paine (cuz there's no way he'd come back as a mere zombie) would do to The Newt.

Annalee Flower Horne | November 29, 2006 06:08 PM

Just for the record, I almost lost my dinner at the licking the sink-bilge thing. Seriously.

I'm not complaining; I just felt the need to share.

Also, wow, Prager must really hate Quakers then, because we're the reason that "or affirm" is in there.

MWT | November 29, 2006 06:13 PM

Leaving aside the obvious snarky computer platform comments... (*grins, ducks, defenestrates self on John's behalf*)

Over on LJ, they have a really cool feature wherein it autosaves your work every 30 seconds or so, if you've changed anything in those 30 seconds. Maybe you could find something similar for here?

cisko | November 29, 2006 07:14 PM

I assumed your target was the zombie King George III. But yeah, Gingrich or Prager would work too.

Djscman | November 29, 2006 07:28 PM

Santa Claus. Wouldn't it be cool to see Santa facing down a zombie attack? Even though it'd be much more likely that Santa would retreat to the North Pole, slowing only to replace the evidence of his passing with a short letter, which on close examination is in Patrick's father's handwriting. Santa Claus, that fatass coward.

Chang who is nauseous... | November 29, 2006 07:33 PM

I ain't writing until I find out what the prize is!




Epacris | March 26, 2007 08:00 PM

'Tracey A. Callison' Does this apply in other places? If you were swearing similarly in say, India, Japan, Korea, Indonesia, etc, would you feel happy to use the local Holy Book?

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