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September 26, 2006

The Winner of the "Why I Deserve an 'Android's Dream' ARC" Contest

It's "That Neil Guy," because he went and procreated during the actual contest, and it's hard to top that (although, to be fair, more credit for the actual birth work goes to the mom, now, doesn't it). I sense he'll have more than a few late nights in the reasonably near future, tending to new kid and all. Perhaps the book will help him get through the nights, and if not, then his fatigue will lend the book an extra hallucinatory quality. That can't be a bad thing.

Congratulations, Neil, and e-mail me your address so I can send it off in the mail to you.

For everyone else: Thanks -- I was deeply amused by the comment thread. I had enough fun with this that I might do it again in the future. ARCs of The Last Colony should be out in, oh, March or so.

Posted by john at September 26, 2006 01:19 PM

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Dan | September 26, 2006 01:31 PM

Congratulations again, Neil. Seems like you're having a great week, and it's only Tuesday!

If I send you some money, will you, umm, pick me up a couple of lottery tickets?

Susan Loyal | September 26, 2006 01:49 PM

Congratulations, Neil!

Jeff Hentosz | September 26, 2006 01:51 PM

Yes, congrats, Neil — all around — although it wasn't like your winning strategy required any work.

And, uh, John? C'mere a second. Now that's done and they're all gone, can I, um, have the Coffee Shop ARC?

Dave | September 26, 2006 01:54 PM

Fess up, Scalzi. You set this up. You tipped him off ten months ago!

Steve Buchheit | September 26, 2006 01:59 PM

March 2007?! Damn, that's only 6 months. That's going to mean an immacualte conception for my wife. Dang, :)

Congrats, Neil. Yeah, I think your wife deserves it more, though. I mean, you were there sharing in the fun part, but when it was work you just kept breathing and getting ice chips. :)

Jennie | September 26, 2006 02:18 PM

Congrats Neil! (you bastard)

JUST KIDDING! At least you don't have to change the ARC'S diapers.

Ginny | September 26, 2006 02:39 PM

Congrats, Neil! Of course, had I known that getting my tubes tied and turning my womb into a dusty, barren wasteland would screw me out of a book, I would have never done it.

...I have priorities, after all.

Chang | September 26, 2006 02:55 PM

I was all jealous until...


Janiece | September 26, 2006 03:07 PM

Congratulations, Mrs. Neil! You have provided your husband an heir and an ARC. At least it's not an heir in an ark.

Neil, may I suggest that once the coveted item arrives, you provide the masses with a pic of your lovely co-creator with said item?

Anne C. | September 26, 2006 04:15 PM

Make that a picture of your co-creator, progeny, and ARC (if co-creator has enough arms).

Congrats, Neil. See, it never hurts to make that last pitch.

Lady Day | September 26, 2006 04:45 PM

Congratulations on hitting the jackpot 2 times!

You truly are a lucky guy!

Lady Day

RooK | September 26, 2006 04:55 PM

Curses! One of my personalities didn't win! (I don't wanna hear any lip from you, Gwen, or I'll take us straight bact for some more ECT.)

RooK | September 26, 2006 04:58 PM

smacks forehead

I mean none of my personalities won. I took advanced semantic logic in university, honest.

Nathan | September 26, 2006 05:20 PM

Congrats Neil.

Just more proof that that whole "slacker lets wife do all the work" strategy is as sound as ever.

Enjoy it all.

That Neil Guy | September 26, 2006 05:29 PM

Wow! Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Never have I done so little and yet won so much. Even with the first kid, all I got was the kid. This time, I get a book, too! Woo hoo!

I want to thank John for having the contest, his lovely wife and daughter for all they do for him, the bacon and the cat for obvious reasons and all you kindly Whatever readers. I couldn't have done it without you. And, oh yeah, thanks to my wife for actually having the baby.

Money for lottery tickets will be gratefully accepted. I promise I won't just put it into the kids' college fund.

I look forward to receiving my third child -- The Android's Dream ARC -- in the mail.

Nathan | September 26, 2006 05:34 PM


You had a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth while you were giving your acceptance speech.

That's just wrong on so many levels.

Stephen G | September 26, 2006 09:49 PM

I knew I should have delayed my son's birth. Dammit.

Aaron Burr | September 26, 2006 11:05 PM

Clearly bringing a life into the world is more valued by Mr. Scalzi than taking one out of it. Curses! Foiled again!

Jonathan | September 26, 2006 11:25 PM

To heir is human, to father an ARC... well, that's divine. Congrats Neil.

Carol Elaine | September 26, 2006 11:37 PM

Congratulations to both you and your wife, Neil. Blessed twice over - that's terrific!

And I'm only a little pouty because I didn't have the foresight to get pregnant nine months ago to win. I could try to get pregnant now, but six months just ain't enough time.


Tripp | September 27, 2006 10:18 AM

Well yeah, a baby. An alleged baby. Has any one actually SEEN this alleged baby?

What am I getting at? Nothing. NOTHING. I'm just saying . . . fine, whatever.

For the record I already did the baby thing - four times, and did I need anything to keep me going? Sure, it would have been nice, a little, but I managed just fine going without.

As usual.

Steve Buchheit | September 27, 2006 10:28 AM

You know, I think every parent should be given an ARC of thier choice. I mean, it teaches a good lesson.

"Sure, there are typos, and you're going to screw up at some point being a parent, but see, it all works out in the end. And the final product is very nice."

bonnie-ann black | September 27, 2006 10:59 AM

of course, technically, he assisted in procreation nine months ago -- all that happened during the contest was the culmination of the event. if he'd actually engaged in the act while writing his contest entry, i'd be more impressed (though his wife might not have been).

still, (she concedes grumpily) congratulations on both events!

Nathan | September 27, 2006 11:06 AM

As you may read upthread, my immediate reaction to Niel winning the ARC was to congradulate him and chear him on.

However, having now seen the schadenfreude pie, I'm having disturbing thoughts about targeted defenestration; thus causing me extreme horripilation.

Nathan | September 27, 2006 11:07 AM

Oops...sloppy spelling!

Gwen | September 27, 2006 12:53 PM

--she said, almost strangling on the word--but it was necessary, because it was possible that for the next ARC contest the Bacon-Taping God of Unhealthy Pie would search the archives to see who was a poor sport losing last time. Still, she would remember That Neil Guy if ever their paths crossed in the meatworld.

On a lighter note, there's something funny about mispelling "cheer" and "Niel" but not "schadenfreude" or "defenestration." Perhaps you really wanted to type "take" instead of "cheer" (as in "take him on in a fight to the death") and "Nathan" instead of "Neil"?
Whom or what would you defenestrate? The pie, That Neil Guy, yourself? And how far up would the window be?

Nathan | September 27, 2006 01:29 PM

-Blushing with embarassment-

As atonement, I'll demonstrate self-defenestration.

But I'm only gonna do it from the basement window. Its half above and half below grade. I may get some road-rash from the gravel there, but I shouldn't break anything.

I'm hoping that this singular act will cause someone to coin a new word meaning "one who tosses himself out of a lower floor window while thinking of schadefreude pie as an act of atonement for misspelling on blogs". You never know when such a word might be required again.

And Gwen, I was apologizing for misspelling congratulations. Thanks for pointing our my other deficiencies. LOL

Nathan | September 27, 2006 01:29 PM


Gwen | September 27, 2006 10:59 PM

Wouldn't that be "D'oh"? :P
I'm all a-tremble thinking about the possible mispellings* in my previous post and this, as the Irony** Gods eagerly await Internet grammar-and-spelling corrections, for obvious reasons.

*It was at exactly this point in the sentence that I realized that I misspelled the word "misspelled" in the previous post and was mid-word in misspelling the word "misspelling" in this post. The Irony** Gods have outdone themselves this time. (I am leaving the asterisked misspelling in for a sacrifice to them. Much less painless than self-defenestration.)

**Yeah, I know, there are all those pedantic people who insist that I'm misusing the word "irony." I don't care. Everyone else "misuses" the word this way, and even the pedants contradict each other (one site declared that dramatic irony wasn't, while the site that linked to it said that it was...), so, phooey to them.

Nathan | September 27, 2006 11:31 PM

Actually, I meant dough....for the pie. But I mispelled it.

Now THAT'S irony. (or is that Flintstones vitamins?)

That Neil Guy | September 30, 2006 03:38 PM

Well, I almost hesitate to add this out of fear for my growing family (after reading some of the stuff above) but here is a link to a photo of my two newest children...


Chang | September 30, 2006 07:14 PM

Man, the guy had a kid! So it';s like the had two prizes. it's hard to feel grudgeful when the baby is that cute. grumble grumble - awwwwwww!

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