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September 14, 2006

Two Quick Requests

All right, before I close up shop here for my Denver trip, two quick requests:

1. Those of you folks who went to the Hugo awards ceremony at LACon IV and/or the pre-awards ceremony and/or the Hugo loser's party: Krissy got all dolled up for the night in a (if I may be allowed to say so) really spectacular red dress, and because I was kind of out of it due to Campbell stress, I didn't think to snap any pictures of her in it. If some of you who were snapping pictures that night happen to come across any pictures of her in her red dress there, would you be so kind as to send them to me? I'd really appreciate it, and so would Krissy.

(Everyone else: this is not an invitation to send me Photoshopped pictures. Yeah, I know how the lot of you think.)

2. You know, at first, when people pointed out that it was a little silly for so much attention to be focused on a picture of me having taped bacon to my cat, I agreed, because I thought that somewhere in the 37(ish)-year history of the InterTubes, someone somewhere must have posted another picture of bacon on a cat. Hell, what is Stuffonmycat.com but a response to the natural tendency to place objects on one's pets, take pictures of them, and then post them online?

But here's the thing: A cursory examination of teh Intarweebs seems to show that, in fact, no one else have ever thought to post a picture of cat+bacon, much less bacon taped to cat. The closest I've come is a picture of a cat wrestling with a bacon-shaped chew toy. Even stuffonmycat.com is failing me here. This is making me increasingly disturbed. Call me crazy, but if it turns out that I am in fact the first person in the history of the online world to perform a cat/bacon mashup, I'm going to be a little weirded out. This is the same Internet that contains Goatse, Limecat and sharks attacking people in helicopters, after all. You simply cannot tell me I'm the first person to think "Bacon. Cat. Bacon on the cat. What could possibly go wrong?" and then document the result.

So: Help a guy out and go on this series of tubes we all call home, and find me a picture of some "bacon on cat" action that predates my own. Otherwise I may just go insane. Or more insane. You know.

This time I'm not going to tell you not to Photoshop, because, come on, comedy gold. But seriously. If you find a real "bacon on cat" picture, you let me know. Because really. Being the person to think this up? That's more evidence of my monumental freakishness that I really needed, you know?

Posted by john at September 14, 2006 10:23 AM

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Chang | September 14, 2006 10:59 AM

Congratulations, freak. You're the first freak ever who thought to put bacon on a cat. Then take a picture. And put it into the iTubes.

A dubious first, but I still applaud it.

And they say there's nothing new under the sun.

Mary | September 14, 2006 11:02 AM

So what kind of cat is [fluffy] anyway? She's too shaggy for a Siamese, she doesn't have the flat face of a Himalayan, and she can't be a Snowshoe or a Birman because she doesn't have white paws. I vaguely remember you saying she was just a neighbourhood kitten, not some carefully selected purebred, but I'm still trying to figure her out.

Teresa Nielsen Hayden | September 14, 2006 11:04 AM

The bacon-on-cat motivational poster now graces the main bulletin board at Tor.

I hope you turn up some pictures of Krissy. She was gorgeous: definitely the best dress at the Hugos, and she really carried it off.

John Scalzi | September 14, 2006 11:20 AM


"So what kind of cat is [fluffy] anyway?"

She's a mutt. We suspect daddy was a Siamese, however.


I agree: re the dress, and I was glad when the awards were over so I could finally fully appreciate it.

JT | September 14, 2006 11:21 AM

No luck finding a picture of bacon on a cat, but I did find a picture of cat on bacon... Best I could do so far, but the search will continue.

(Image was originally found on eBay, moved to a place where it wouldn't disappear after the auction is over.)

Jon Marcus | September 14, 2006 11:43 AM

Courtesy of Google Images, here's bacon on a cat from 2005. Okay, it's knitted bacon, but that makes your idea just a refinement...or something.



Allucquere | September 14, 2006 11:48 AM

I don't have any pictures of the Hugo's, but I will note that between the glamorous woman in the red dress two rows in front of me (didn't notice anyone sitting with her) and Morena Baccarin in the row behind me, I thought I'd taken a wrong turn and wound up at the Academy Awards.

John Scalzi | September 14, 2006 11:52 AM

The lady in red was probably Krissy, then, because Morena Baccarin was a few rows back from us.

Janiece | September 14, 2006 11:58 AM

Okay, now I'm very curious to see this FABULOUS dress that Krissy wore to the Hugo's.

If you are successful in obtaining a picture, may I impose upon you to post it for all to see? I'm always up to see a great new dress...

Very chick of me, I know, what can I say?

Allucquere | September 14, 2006 12:08 PM

John Scalzi: "The lady in red was probably Krissy, then, because Morena Baccarin was a few rows back from us."

It was indeed. (Ok, maybe I did notice who she was sitting with.)

Mary Robinette Kowal | September 14, 2006 12:09 PM

I've got a picture of a cat in bacon but alas, not bacon on a cat.

Jeff Hentosz | September 14, 2006 12:31 PM

Re: Krissy's dress

It's not a full-length shot, but I knew I saw one in a flickr set I browsed that week after.

I like the color coordination. And don't your dome just sparkle!

Sarah | September 14, 2006 12:44 PM

My cat Jolee Bindo has a very similar look to him. I call him Himalayan, but I think he's really a mutt. He doesn't have a squashed face either. This is one of the reasons I am so completely tickled by the bacon prank, and I am de-lurking (daily reader & SF fan here) to say so. My cat would probably transform into a Furball of Rage if I taped anything to him.

But it's still funny. Props.

Jude | September 14, 2006 12:44 PM

As a vegetarian, I don't own any bacon, so it never would have occurred to me to do anything with bacon (heck, I wouldn't even want to touch the stuff). Since 5% of the people in the U.S. are vegetarians, maybe that accounts for a small portion of the people who didn't think to do this. Also, there are probably a lot of people who don't own cats, so that takes care of more. Maybe if you combine all the people who have digital cameras and cats, and don't mind touching bacon, it would be a relatively small percentage to begin with; then they'd have to think about combining the bacon with the cat. So it's possible that you are, indeed, unique.

michael | September 14, 2006 12:45 PM

Yes, a quick perusal of Google does fail to give you any prior citations, but using synonyms for cat with bacon in a Google search does produce links to the urban dictionary. Suffice to say the citations do predate your frivolity Mr. Scalzi; and although they do not provide pictures of the object euphemistically named therein, there are numerous examples of same on the internet. I think that this is not what your appeal was for. I just thought you'd like to know about it, all the same. I will leave it to you to decide if this is the sort of post you want on the Whatever

Dossy Shiobara | September 14, 2006 01:14 PM

Here's a bizarre picture of cats wrapped in bacon being plucked out of a tree and eaten by an elephant. (I'm serious.)


Dates back to July 26, 2005.

Dossy Shiobara | September 14, 2006 01:22 PM

Oh, what about using bacon packing tape:


Gotta love Archie McPhee.

John | September 14, 2006 01:39 PM

I believe Dossy just proved that Mr. Scalzi is not the most freakish individual on the intarweebs.

Douglas | September 14, 2006 01:39 PM

Here's one from when you were two (sorry for the poor scan quality):


glych | September 14, 2006 02:03 PM

It's not Bacon on a cat, cat bacon, or any cats crossed with pigs, but I did find this site for you!



glych | September 14, 2006 02:15 PM

Oooh! I found cats eating bacon!




Kevin Marks | September 14, 2006 02:31 PM

My son made a video of bacon impersonating badgers.

Jon H | September 14, 2006 02:44 PM


What I want to see is bacon taped to John Scalzi.

Or maybe John Scalzi wearing a bacon tiara.

Janiece | September 14, 2006 02:52 PM

Dossy Shiobara,

That elephant eating the bacon-wrapped cats is the most bizarre thing I've seen in a while.

Sorry, Scalzi - you lose.

Tim Morris | September 14, 2006 03:14 PM

Actually, you are the first person to post a picture of bacon on a cat where the cat is not either 1) being eaten by an elephant, or, 2) attacking the bacon with intent to devour.

Chang | September 14, 2006 03:37 PM

Morena Baccarin

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Why didn;t anyone tel me about her before? Whoa!

Re: Krissy's Dress - Scalzi is the Rick Ocasek of Science Fiction writers.

Janiece | September 14, 2006 03:43 PM


Extra points for making me shoot orange soda out of my nose...

Hilary | September 14, 2006 03:46 PM

I feel I must point out an egregious wrong committed by Scalzi et al. (or perhaps considering the animal wrapping material et all). You (that’s you John) apparently have not posted you photo’s at Stuff on my Cat. Morally, I think they are due a photographic reach around to say the least.

Hilary | September 14, 2006 03:48 PM

Also I noticed that you used double sided tape, with bacon, are you a mad man?

Ginny | September 14, 2006 05:31 PM

I really wanted to get in on this "place food products on my pet" thing, but I don't think I got it right.

Here's what happens when you place American cheese on a yorkshire terrier.

Dan | September 14, 2006 05:44 PM

My cat once got a butter wrapper stuck to her face. I have got to try and recreate that. It was beautiful.

Anonymous | September 14, 2006 05:49 PM

I love that this is now on the author page at WIkipedia.

Deanna Hoak | September 14, 2006 06:46 PM

Krissy is gorgeous, and she was utterly stunning in that dress; it would be a pity not to have pics. I hope you find some great ones. :-)

Bryan Price | September 14, 2006 07:43 PM

I have to laugh. I lost my cat companion last week (a drop-off in our cul-de-sac that was already declawed and neutered, and obviously well trained, which we promptly broke), and this has actually given me a good reason to laugh over a cat. And if anybody cares, I blogged on my site.

Karen Funk Blocher | September 14, 2006 08:54 PM

Doesn't Kodi need some freakish stunt now to preserve detente in the Scalzi family, nonhuman division?

John Scalzi | September 14, 2006 09:29 PM


Don't tempt me.

That Neil Guy | September 14, 2006 09:42 PM

Well, I can't believe I found this, but here is bacon on a cat's head (with bonus bacon on a Chihuahua's head. Seems to be part of a Pets with Food on Head theme.


So sorry, but I guess you're not the freak we were all hoping you were.

But we still love you.

Simon Haynes | September 14, 2006 09:57 PM

Me, I'd rather see a strip of raw cat taped to a pig.

John Scalzi | September 14, 2006 10:06 PM

Thank you, Neil. I'll sleep better tonight knowing I am only moderately freaky.

Nathan | September 14, 2006 10:08 PM

To That Neil Guy:

We're talking BACON....TAPED...to a....CAT.

I beleive you're missing a key ingredient.

There's only three forchristssake.

monolithfoo | September 14, 2006 10:10 PM

awww crap. I have things to DO, man. Now I'm so freaked out by this bizarre display that i'm going to spend the rest of the week doublechecking every single familiar object in detail to make ABSODANGLOUTLY sure I havn't been wisked away to another reality. Thanks.

uhmm, and now I'm not so sure that would be a bad thing.

John Scalzi | September 14, 2006 10:11 PM

No, Nathan, I simply asked for bacon on a cat; taping was not a necessary criterion.

I am content to be a pioneer in feline bacon taping, I justs didn't want to spearhead the whole "bacon on cats" movement.

Nathan | September 14, 2006 10:37 PM

I stand (well, ok, sit) corrected.

Tripp | September 14, 2006 10:55 PM

I really dislike bursting anyone's bubble, but you've got so many bubbles . . .

When I saw the cat/bacon picture I thought it was an homage to The Simpson's "Garden of Eden" episode where Homer gets to eat the bacon right from the side of the pig.

So maybe you were inspired by Matt Groening and the lack of a pig?

PixelFish | September 14, 2006 11:39 PM

My homage to Bacon-On-A-Cat.


(Disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the creation of this homage.)

Carol Elaine Cyr | September 15, 2006 12:46 AM

Much as I like John's "Portraits of Bacon Taped to Cat: Series of 2", I don't quite understand the overwhelming urge to use pets' heads a resting place for food.

These Innerwebs are a head-scratcher.

Larrybob | September 15, 2006 03:17 AM


My Homage to your homage:


also, John, to be clear, are we splitting hares between cooked and raw bacon?

PixelFish | September 15, 2006 03:15 PM

Larry: Thanks. :)

Also, I believe you split pigs to get bacon, not hares. ;)

Larrybob | September 15, 2006 06:02 PM

ah, very wise Pixelfish, indeed.

I dont know if everyone on the weeb has already been there to look, but youtube has quite an assortment of cats named bacon, and bacon being fed to cats - ie, bacon IN cat.

But if someone could show me a cat rocking out at a concert with Francis and Kevin that would really be something.

Echo | October 30, 2006 03:24 AM

"...but if it turns out that I am in fact the first person in the history of the online world to perform a cat/bacon mashup, I'm going to be a little weirded out."

Nope. This was back in 2001. I know, because my mom hasn't had that dog since then. It was thought up in a forum, after we saw the pancake on the head of the bunny. The story of Oolong:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oolong_%28rabbit%29 although it has been passed around in comments on many sites with no reference to the photographer. What's up with all the influx of people on the internets who don't give credit when they find cool stuff?! Damn whipper-snappers, but I digress...

Then we got to speculating what other foods we could put on an animal's head. Theorizing that bacon would be difficult, due to the yummy nature of it.

So uh, sorry. Beat you by 5 years.

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