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August 09, 2005

A Request From Athena

Athena says:

"Hello people! Can you think of a name for my stuffy bear? Because I can't think of a name, or neither can my daddy, named John Scalzi, the one who writes the books. Goodbye people! Hope you have a good time thinking of a name! That's all I want to say."

Posted by john at August 9, 2005 05:10 PM

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Andrew Cory | August 9, 2005 05:27 PM


Abigail | August 9, 2005 05:35 PM

I suppose Zaphod would be too obvious?

Saundra | August 9, 2005 05:40 PM

Ben Binary. Alliteration is good!

Dawn B. | August 9, 2005 05:47 PM

Well, I just like Greek mythology & with Athena:


Two-headed hound offspring of Typhon & Echidna. Watch-dog of the cattle of Geryon. The Sphinx is the offspring of Orthus and Echidna. It was killed by Heracles 1.

Two heads, though hound & not bear.

Harry Connolly | August 9, 2005 06:21 PM

Callisto was changed into a bear (no need to go into more detail on that story, mebbe). It's also a nice name.

claire | August 9, 2005 06:28 PM


Bruce Adelsohn | August 9, 2005 06:53 PM

I know it's a bit obvious, but how about 2 Bear 2 Much, shortened to 2B (or "Toobie")?

Rich G. | August 9, 2005 07:00 PM

Looks like a Moira or a Frida to me.

Though what are the green things in front of its mouth?

Jim Winter | August 9, 2005 07:19 PM


Scott | August 9, 2005 07:55 PM

I'd go with "Greensleeves" because some day you'll run into the song, and be overcome with a nostalgia for your great big stuffed bear, and spark a lifelong interest in symphonic music.

The world needs more symphonic music.

Brian Greenberg | August 9, 2005 07:56 PM

Given it's country of origin, Imy vote goes to "Scot." (or, if Athena shows any trekkie tendancies, "Scotty.")

Of course, "Glaswegian" ain't a bad name for a bear either...

JamesG | August 9, 2005 08:07 PM


Justin Johnson | August 9, 2005 09:05 PM


Mark Siegal | August 9, 2005 09:14 PM


Aaron | August 9, 2005 09:31 PM

Ursa Fiducia

mythago | August 9, 2005 09:34 PM

The poor child, driven to seeking advice from strangers on the Internet.

What a strange bear. I keep wanting to refer to it as Monera, for some reason.

Sue | August 9, 2005 09:42 PM

Bruce. Or maybe Herman. Looks like more of a Bruce than a Herman, now that I look at it again.

Unless it's a she, of course. I can't think of any female-type names.

Mark J Musante [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 9, 2005 09:54 PM


LC9er | August 9, 2005 09:56 PM

How about dos?

Patrick | August 9, 2005 11:03 PM

Even better: Dos Osos

Jim Winter | August 9, 2005 11:08 PM

Arnold Layne



snowcrash [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 9, 2005 11:17 PM

I second the Scarebear nomination.
However, even the blandest of stuffed toys scare the living daylights out of me, so....

Alex | August 9, 2005 11:24 PM


Adam Ziegler | August 9, 2005 11:54 PM

Some thoughtful person gave our baby daughter a teddy bear once. He had only a single head but made a sort of Darth Vader breathing noise when you turned a knob on his back. This was supposed to lull our daughter to sleep, who would think that she was still inside the womb.

We called him Alien Death Bear.

At first, the name was funny, mocking the saccharine nature of such Products. But as time wore on, as I watched this thing, standing next to my daughter, whispering vaguely menacing nothings into her ear, I began to doubt.

One night I spoke to my daughter, as a joke to my wife who stood nearby, saying, "From now on, we are going to call Alien Death Bear something else. We will call him Happy Fun Bear. Because we must not let him suspect that we know his true nature. Because if he suspects us, if he thinks his disguise has been compromised, he will kill all of us in our sleep."

And in that moment, our old lives vanished. We both laughed nervously and went through our daily rituals as if nothing had changed. Yet we knew that I had unwittingly spoken a terrible truth, and we would now survive only so long as our fear constrained us from awaking the horrific monster that lived in our home: Alien Death Bear.

So I suggest that you not call him that.

Adam Ziegler | August 10, 2005 12:04 AM

Sorry about the extra line breaks. Don't post here very often, and I always miss the warning that you have so thoughtfully included above the comment section.

Bruce Arthurs | August 10, 2005 12:13 AM

The big green slash on the bear's face reminds me of a glorious moustache...

...which makes me think of Roger C.Carmel...

...which of course leads to the suggestion...

...Hairy Mudd

Paul | August 10, 2005 12:20 AM


RooK | August 10, 2005 01:03 AM

While Athena may well end up calling it "Mr Funny Two-Heads" or whatever, I'm saving "Alien Death Bear" for future use. Because that was just too damn funny not to steal.

Laura | August 10, 2005 01:04 AM

ummm "Stuffy Bear" works for me. The best name is often the first name. My son had "Ginger Bear" for exaple, a ginger bread bear. And Cozy, the name from Cozy, a Fisher Price product.

Libbet | August 10, 2005 01:38 AM

Zaphod, of course.

overtevil | August 10, 2005 01:49 AM


mythago | August 10, 2005 02:33 AM

Adam, two words for you: Goodwill donation.

David Goldfarb | August 10, 2005 02:34 AM

When Zaphod Beeblebrox visited Earth, he used the name Phil. So I suggest Phil.

marrije | August 10, 2005 03:39 AM

Mr Moustache

marrije | August 10, 2005 03:45 AM

Oh, huh. Now I see the photo in the previous post. I completely missed the two-headed nature of this lovely bear and thought it was just a rather unfortunate specimen. Thought the green bits were a moustache, when they were actually two cuddly-green noses. Sorry about that. I suggest naming the bear Fluffy, or some charming variant spelling of that name.

Cindy Brady Tooh | August 10, 2005 04:11 AM

Hagrid or Hermione.

Jeff Porten | August 10, 2005 05:21 AM

Considering that abominable spelling you came up with for the Fluffy mammal (whose species I cannot recall -- feline?), I recommend Tzchkauhtllahnnd.

But really I'm here to mention that Athena has the star power to pull more comments than all your July guestbloggers combined.

John Scalzi | August 10, 2005 07:53 AM

Well, she's cuter than the lot of you were. No offense.

itciain | August 10, 2005 08:16 AM


Or Braveheart ("Mel" doesn't quite cut it).

Or Rob &/or Roy.

Personally, I like "Slappy."

archipunk | August 10, 2005 08:30 AM

I'll suggest 'Olliegot' (as in "All I got...")

Corina | August 10, 2005 08:56 AM

Janus (two faced god).

But in the tradition of attached twins, you should probably name each head.

Steve Eley | August 10, 2005 09:41 AM

I rather liked the Orthus suggestion.

And Athena's expression in that picture is priceless.

Q | August 10, 2005 09:46 AM

I suppose Freak of Nature is too long?

Maybe just FoN.

Or Fonzie.

Or perhaps FuD? As in: FU Darwin.

Kel Brown | August 10, 2005 09:59 AM

Zaphod is so much the obvious choice but since someone (or more) has already entered that one in, here's a couple alternates:

The Gorga-monster or simply Gorga-monster
Mutagen Ken
IngPing (EngChang or ChangEng didn't work as well)
The Thing from Planet Six

John H | August 10, 2005 10:11 AM

How about NI (as in the Knights Who Say...)?

Or perhaps just Arthur...

Jack Scheer | August 10, 2005 10:45 AM

This isn't in my regular daily lexicon, but the second thing I thought of (after Zaphod, natch) was Tupac. Or you could take the Batman route and go with Two-Face or Harvey.

Brian | August 10, 2005 10:51 AM

If you enclose your paragraphs in <p>|</p> tag pairs, the breaks will show up in the preview all fine and dandy-like... and the font will even be the right size!

I vote for 'Indecision' - fits the bear and the naming process both.

John H | August 10, 2005 10:55 AM

How about Thabto (two heads are better than one)?

Brian | August 10, 2005 11:04 AM

Oops. This time my link is correct. Hopefully my brain will recover soon from moving... >_<

Dave Pittman | August 10, 2005 11:11 AM

Aon (Abomination of nature)

Dean | August 10, 2005 11:31 AM

Two heads, two names: Jake n' Elwood. Because they were the Blues Brothers, that would make such a pair of names Hiply Ironic.

I love me some Hip Irony.

Dean | August 10, 2005 11:33 AM

Hey, how about Hip 'n Irony?

Lee | August 10, 2005 12:33 PM

#1 and #2. :-)

Dean | August 10, 2005 02:16 PM

Og. For no other reason then the bear looks like an Og.

M.M. Fletcher [TypeKey Profile Page] | August 10, 2005 02:35 PM

Bubba-Joe (because his family tree obviously doesn't branch much).

wendell | August 10, 2005 03:37 PM

Baseball fan? Doubleheader.

Conjoined twin movie fan? Bobwalt (or maybe just Farrelly)

Or going back to the old '72 horror movie, call him/them Rayandrosie

An even more obscure movie reference: Hfuhruhurr

There is already a PBSKids show with a two headed dragon, named "Zak and Wheezie" (their spelling I swear), so how about Zakzie...

Of course, if you want to use the bear to help teach Civics, call him Bicameral.

forget it, stick to Zaphod.

wendell | August 10, 2005 03:44 PM

no wait... anybody suggest Yinyang yet?

(no, not Yinyangyet. Just Yinyang.)

Or maybe Swingvoter.

Among others' suggestions, I also like Thabto (Good acronym! Great domain name for a two-person blog! If
I were capable of a productive partnership with anybody, I'd use it!)

the Other michael | August 10, 2005 04:28 PM

Castor & Pollux -> Pollor or Callux
ChengEng (Cheng & Eng, the "original" Siamese twins)
Eve (cf. two faces of)

Chris Beck | August 10, 2005 04:40 PM


JamesG | August 10, 2005 05:06 PM


scott | August 10, 2005 05:44 PM

Joe-Jim, after the two-headed mutie from Orphans of the Sky.

Night Dog | August 10, 2005 05:50 PM

That is one seriously messed-up bear.

So I third the name "Scarebear".

squaffy | August 10, 2005 09:04 PM

Gemini is the only way to go. Think about it. In astrology Gemini is the twins. If you happen to be born between May 21 and June 20, this is your sign. The two Twins standing side by side. Their names were Castor and Pollux, the sons of Leda and the Swan (Zeus in disguise). The two twins were totally different.

In space exploration, Gemini it is a whole lot of things.

Gary | August 10, 2005 09:54 PM

Askenaar Beeblebear...

Patrick from Texas | August 10, 2005 10:44 PM

How about "Sparebear"? If one goes bad . . .

Karl | August 10, 2005 11:46 PM

Athena- how about "Gimot" -French for twins?
Or, "Jim'n'I" -a really obscure reference to another set of twins, and a word play on Gemini?

Durf | August 11, 2005 03:05 AM

"Aojiru." This is a foul drink available in Japan made from 100% liquefied kale leaves. Supposed to be good for you, though. Anyway the mascots that one company (Fancl) uses to sell the stuff are just like that bear, green stains around their muzzles (from drinking the green goop, you see) and all. Look:


Andrew Molyneux | August 11, 2005 06:49 AM

I liked Q's "Freak of Nature" but it's probably too long.
How about "Freaky"?

Scott Ryan | August 11, 2005 08:51 AM


Scott Ryan | August 11, 2005 08:54 AM

Or (if she shows signs of becoming an SF reader) Greg Elizabeth.

KenL | August 11, 2005 09:53 AM


PiscusFiche | August 11, 2005 11:04 AM

In college, I had the acquaintance of a bear whose name was Aloysius Cuthbert Bear.

PS. Got my copy of Agent to the Stars at my parents' house when I went to Utah for my ten year. Yay!

Scott Ryan | August 11, 2005 01:07 PM

Can't believe I didn't think of this befoew. Ursula Le Twin.

Emily | August 11, 2005 01:08 PM

It looks a lot like a Hortense to me.

If Athena is a Harry Potter fan, perhaps "Fluffy"

If she's a baseball fan with a goofy sense of humor, perhaps "Six-four-three".

Rich G. | August 11, 2005 01:33 PM

How about "Di?"

Patrick from Texas | August 11, 2005 05:06 PM

James T. Kirk (T = Twobearius)

Cindy Brady Tooh | August 12, 2005 10:04 PM

Are we ever gonna find out what the chosen name is???

Ann Vallier | August 15, 2005 05:21 PM

I would definitely go for giving each head a seperate name and would, therefore, suggest:
Cy & Mia (for Siamese) or
Gem & Nia (for Gemini)
But if you prefer a single name then there's always:
Toofer (as in Two For) or
Cyber Bearus (as in Cerberus) (OK-so minus one head but it seems to fit)
* spelling optional on all names given above

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