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April 21, 2005

Off to Penguicon

I'm out of here until Monday; I'm off to Penguicon (I'm actually leaving tomorrow, but since I'm leaving early I'm not updating when I get up). Consider this an open thread for y'all to enjoy while I'm away.

If the prospect of an open thread frightens and terrifies you, you may instead choose to answer the following question: You want the party to wind down but people won't leave. What music do you use to clear the decks?

Also, my friend Deven has started a blog, somewhat formally, with an essay on cricket and baseball. He's a very good friend, so swing by, welcome him into the world of blogging and tell him to post more. Like most people, he thrives on the sweet sweet fertilizer of attention.

See you Monday.

Posted by john at April 21, 2005 06:15 PM

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Guy Matthews | April 21, 2005 06:29 PM

Easy, Weird Al, Amish Paradise, it'll put a smile on my face and scare away all the 'cool' pes...err guests.

Aaron Brown | April 21, 2005 06:54 PM

I have very eclectic tastes and I listen to a lot harder than most of my friends. Switching the stereo over from party music to, say Freya or Slayer, combined with a few crazed looks should work.

Miko | April 21, 2005 07:09 PM

A friend of mine used to use two Aphex Twin tracks played at the same time to clear the dance floor. Of course, eventually one hippie got on the floor and started dancing at this point, and randomly tweaking the rpm up and down on both tracks just encouraged him.

Jim Winter | April 21, 2005 08:35 PM

Wall of Voodoo's "Mexican Radio."

Over and over and over and over...

JamesG | April 21, 2005 08:40 PM

Most of my friends hate country music. So, naturally I throw in Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash and sing along until everyone picks up and moves on.

Bill the Splut | April 21, 2005 09:18 PM

My default back in the late 70s-early 80s was anything by The Residents. While singing along.

Jim, if you played "Mexican Radio," I wouldn't leave until the downstairs neighbors called the cops about the guy who's been dancing for the last few hours...

John Needham | April 21, 2005 10:16 PM

Heh, if people won't leave, you're too good of a host. Or, more likely, Krissy is. The food is/was too good. The music is/was too good.

At times like these, you don't use music to clear the decks! You fire up the I-Pod, pop in (or order) a few more pizzas. You embrace your "good host-ness." (Again, more likely, Krissy's.)

You embrace your friends, family, whoever. Sleep later tomorrow. Enjoy the moment.

It is springtime. Days/nights like these are too few in the upper Midwest. We've been looking forward to them for months.

Burns! | April 21, 2005 10:19 PM

As cliched as it may be, I'd choose Ray Charles' "Hit The Road Jack." It's a fun tune for me, and gets the point across in 1:59.

Doug Hoffman | April 22, 2005 12:32 AM

Easy: just about any Swans song featuring Michael Gira's vocals; certain Bauhaus songs; the opening track to Sonic Youth's Dirty CD.

Ian Mathers | April 22, 2005 01:47 AM

"Mogwai Fear Satan"

Ian Mathers | April 22, 2005 01:48 AM

Actually, "Mogwai Fear Satan" played at the same time as the My Bloody Valentine remix of "Mogwai Fear Satan".

mythago | April 22, 2005 02:02 AM

At some point in my younger life, I owned a copy of the "James Brown Is Dead" remix CD. Thirteen tracks worth of variations on "James Brown Is Dead." Some hardy souls hung on through Track 6, just to see if there was anything else on the album.

Soni | April 22, 2005 02:26 AM

Sadly enough, in this neck of the woods anything by Mozart usually clears the halls in less time than it takes to wave your magic flute.

Lavinia | April 22, 2005 02:36 AM

Nothing I could do could measure up to the technique used by a friend of mine... an abrupt shift to "Yodelling the Classics." No joke. It's really quite scary, and therefore effective.

Hogarth | April 22, 2005 10:10 AM

No music required. I just let the Siberian Crotch Hound out of his cage and let him sniff when/who/wherever he wants. Nothing like an 85 lb. dog showing intense interest in your nethers to clear a room!

Phillip J. Birmingham | April 22, 2005 10:42 AM

I had two "roomsweeper" tunes:

The Dinosaur Jr. cover of "Show Me the Way," and "Little Birdy" by Ween.

Douglas Hoffman | April 22, 2005 11:05 AM

I just remembered another good one: in college, I picked up "Magic Polka" at a flea market. That was a party-killer.

Dave Pittman | April 22, 2005 12:10 PM

I didn't clear a bar, but instilled a deep depression and hostility by dumping 10 bucks worth of Goodnight Saigon by Billy Joel into a juke box. Good times, good times....

Anonymous | April 22, 2005 12:23 PM

I have a CD featuring 114 minutes of Raffi's "Bananaphone" on a loop.

Dwight Brown | April 22, 2005 01:35 PM

It isn't exactly "music", but somewhere, I have CD of great speaches by Malcom X, which I bought specifically to use as party-clearing material.

A friend of mine is partial to a loop of "Knee Play 3", from the Philip Glass opera *Einstein on the Beach*.

M.A. | April 22, 2005 02:05 PM

The Blues Magoos doing "Never Going Back to Georgia". Clears a room faster than anything I've ever seen.

Cavan | April 22, 2005 05:53 PM

Clearly the Jingle Cats' "Meowy Christmas"

Why would they torture those cats? Why?

Ian Mathers | April 22, 2005 08:28 PM

The person who mentioned "Bananaphone" has a special place in hell reserved for them.

Anonymous | April 23, 2005 10:27 AM

A nightclub where I went to college tried "Rainbow Connection". This didn't work well, but I learned you can mosh to it.

After that failed experiment: "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald". Worked every time.

From my personal music collection: "Jesus Christ Superstar" on bagpipes.

Anonymous | April 23, 2005 10:32 AM

Lavinia wrote:
Nothing I could do could measure up to the technique used by a friend of mine... an abrupt shift to "Yodelling the Classics." No joke. It's really quite scary, and therefore effective.

By Mary Schneider! I completely forgot! I have volume 2. {shudder}

gslamb | April 23, 2005 10:36 AM

My wife suggests anything from my MC Hawking collection.

Tony Boyd | April 24, 2005 01:55 PM

I find the best "music" to clear out the place is any music... sung by me. I just open my mouth and sing, and people make excuses to leave very quickly.

rick mcginnis | April 24, 2005 10:40 PM

Hey John - you gettin' a bit of snow there?

sam young | April 24, 2005 11:02 PM

"let's get physical" by olivia newton-john

never fails to make the cool kids run in terror

Jan | April 25, 2005 09:13 AM

One word: GWAR.

Tripp | April 25, 2005 09:42 AM

Doctor Hook's "Sylvia's Mother," but you have to be committed enough to go around the party offering to tell anyone who will listen the story of your own personal heartbreaking breakup.

MAB | April 25, 2005 03:41 PM

Either Penderecki or "Da Yoopers", depending on my mood. ;)

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